Must Have Done Something Right / Scorbus

Chapter 30 / Conversations We'd Rather Not Have Part 1

Despite the fact that Albus swore he was completely fine with Scorpius' now exposed secret, it had turned into something of an elephant that wouldn't leave them alone whenever they were in the same room together, let alone in conversation. They never spoke about it, but that wasn't enough to automatically write off its existence.
Scorpius promised to himself that he would never bring it up again. If Albus wanted to revisit it or ask him questions, then perhaps he would speak about it; but the ball was entirely in Albus' court.
Albus, Scorpius thought tiredly, was confusing him an awful lot. If there was ever a time Scorpius wished he had the ability to know someone else's thoughts, now was it. What he wouldn't give to delve into Albus' mind; because apart from "I'm fine with it" and "I could never forget about it", Albus had given no clues as to what he thought of Scorpius' feelings for him.
But at this moment in time, Albus was paying no attention to any of it.
Beside him, the Slytherin Captain was frantically erasing the parchment he had been writing on. "Stupid, bloody Gryffindor." He was doing some last-minute rearranging of Quidditch tactics for the upcoming match because Albus had heard from an anonymous source that James had decided to change the position of one of his players or something like that. Scorpius had no clue about any of it, but he did know that Albus was furious.
"Still no luck?" Scorpius asked, lifting his head out of his Potions notes.
The question, apparently, was the signal for another Albus eruption. "Who changes the position of their left wing Chaser days before the bloody match? Stupid James with his stupid team and their stupid positions! It's called a left-wing for a reason, the bloody maniac! Now I have to change everything! Oh, never mind the fact that I can hardly look at my team without wanting to kill half of them, now let's add a brand spanking new rearrangement days out from the most important game of my Quidditch career!"
It was, clearly, a gross overstatement, but Scorpius valued his life and thus kept his mouth shut. He was, however, glad for the change of pace in their conversations. Whenever Quidditch was involved, Albus changed his persona instantly, and Scorpius loved seeing the fire and authority in his eyes, even if he was indifferent to the sport.
"Okay, think Albus, think, think ..." Albus was muttering as he stared at the blank parchment, ready to come up with a new plan. Within seconds, his hand was racing across the page, drawing stick figures and arrows that looped all over the page. Beneath each figure was a name scrawled in Albus' messy handwriting. Scorpius spotted 'Rockwell', 'Sims' and 'Peters' doing some tricky maneuver Scorpius wouldn't dare try to understand up in one corner of the page. Down near the bottom was another figure that had 'Me' written beneath it. Scorpius smiled affectionately when he saw that Albus had drawn himself with an inky black mess of scribble on top of his head to illustrate his wayward hair. All the other stick figures were apparently bald. It was adorable.
"Think my drawings are funny do you?"
Scorpius nearly jumped out of his skin and immediately pulled back to his own side of the library table they were seated at. "Not at all."
"Liar," Albus said with a grin. "You're laughing at my hair."
Scorpius couldn't stop the grin on his face. "Maybe."
Albus suddenly smiled wider and his eyes lit up as if he had just figured something out. He lowered his head and began drawing again. Scorpius watched intently.
Albus had redirected his quill to the edge of the parchment now and was drawing one of the Quidditch spectator stands, one with a giant serpent scrawled on its surface, advertising the house it belonged to. Directly in the middle of the stands, he drew a small figure.
Picking up his wand, he pointed it at the figure and muttered, "Abeo Croceus." Scorpius watched as the stick figure's hair changed to a light yellow.
His heart relocated inside his throat and his stomach danced wildly inside him at the fact that Albus would consider to add him to the picture. But Albus wasn't done. He grabbed his quill again and this time, he wrote the words "Go Albus!" in a speech bubble coming out of Figure-Scorpius' mouth.
Finally deeming his picture complete, Albus looked up to Scorpius, a proud sideways smile etched on his face, waiting for approval.
Scorpius swallowed. He was in serious danger of kissing him right then. He had to bite his lip to prevent it from happening, while simultaneously slighting himself for thinking such thoughts. Did Albus realise just how endearing he was?
"You going to cheer me on like that?"
Scorpius tried to make his answer seem far calmer than the sped up beating of his heart. "Well, you've drawn the future now, so I suppose I'll have to."
"Good." Albus nodded, happy with the response. "You know, I knew I shouldn't have sat with you while coming up with Quidditch tactics. You distract me far too easily."
"I'm sorry?" Scorpius said, unsure whether it was a bad or good thing.
"No, no. You're really the only person I can bear to be around lately," Albus explained.
The only person, Scorpius thought with an inward smile. No mention of Mel. "Well, I promise to be quiet," he said, while picking up his textbook once more. "Go on, Captain, make sure we win the game."
Albus grinned. "Since when did you have such a vested interest in Quidditch?"
"I don't," he said. Just in you.
They spent the next ten minutes in relative silence, though it was pocketed with Albus' muted groaning and exhaling of breath and threats of, "I'm going to murder James," before they were interrupted by a most unwelcome message.
"Are you ... Albus Potter?" a small, first or second year Gryffindor girl asked in a trembling voice.
Albus and Scorpius looked up as one. "Yeah," Albus said cautiously.
"I was asked to give you this," she blurted quickly, before shoving a piece of parchment in Al's hand and fleeing the library swiftly.
Albus frowned and unravelled the crumpled paper. Scorpius read it over his shoulder.
Al—
I'm not going to wait forever, you know.
Mel
And just like that, the temperature dropped a handful of degrees, and the atmosphere dissipated in the resulting chill. Without either of their prompting, the topic of conversation they were both trying to avoid had come up, guns blazing and demanding attention. Scorpius looked at his friend in apprehension. Albus wasn't moving—he was just staring at the paper as if it were his death warrant.
After a minute, Scorpius prompted, "Albus?"
"She's right," he said abruptly and unexpectantly; his voice sounded so defeated, "She needs an answer from me."
Scorpius held his breath and looked away. He was just as desperate as Mel to know what Albus would say, but he wasn't about to force him to say anything.
Albus suddenly stood up and gathered his things together. "I have to go," he announced, and much to Scorpius' fear, he was studiously avoiding eye contact with him. "See you later, yeah?"
He didn't wait for a response before escaping the library as quickly as the Gryffindor girl had earlier, leaving a numb Scorpius in his wake.
His mind began firing questions instantaneously. What did his hasty retreat mean? Had he made up his mind? Had he chosen to be with Mel? Why was he avoiding looking at me?
All the signals pointed to the conclusion that Albus had just left to say yes to Mel, but Scorpius clung with all his heart that Albus would never betray him. Albus had told him he would never break his promise, and rather than jump to conclusions, Scorpius decided to wait and trust his friend.
In the meantime, Scorpius remembered with a sick feeling in his stomach, he had his own somebody to consider. He hadn't spoken to Eamon since the Halloween Party either, and Scorpius knew it was time.
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He decided the first place he should look would be the Ravenclaw Common Room, and it was just his luck to find Eamon's closest friend, Robbie Sullivan, exiting through the portrait at the same moment he rounded the last corner. They both stopped when they saw each other. Scorpius wasn't sure if he should speak first. He was spared the choice when Robbie spoke up eventually.
"You're after Eamon, aren't you?" Robbie said, shuffling on his feet and looking incredibly awkward.
Scorpius remembered then that Eamon had never really come out to his friends prior to the Halloween Party. He and Robbie probably had yet to discuss it, if his nervous actions were any indication. In Robbie's mind, Scorpius was Eamon's boyfriend, and more than likely, the reason why Eamon was all-of-the-sudden queer. Scorpius squirmed silently at the label.
"I am. Is he in there?" he asked, gesturing to the portrait of Wilhelm the Wise that guarded the entrance to their Common Room.
Robbie shook his head. "He's in the Study Hall. I'm heading there now, if you want me to take you."
Scorpius could foresee the discomfiture in such a journey together but decided to accept the offer. "Thank you, yes."
The Ravenclaw nodded and began walking immediately, obviously not waiting for Scorpius, who started and took a few quick steps to catch up to his much larger stride.
Robbie remained quiet for most of the way, but Scorpius could tell he was bursting to ask questions—probably ones he wanted to ask Eamon but was too nervous to. Eventually, his eagerness for answers outshone his apprehensive tendencies.
"So are you two ... together?"
It was abrupt and to the point, but honest in its delivery. Let it never be said that Ravenclaws beat around the bush. Scorpius found himself floundering for an answer.
He kept his eyes lowered and said, "I'm not too sure. We ... we haven't really talked about it." It was the truth, but Scorpius knew Robbie was expecting a less vague answer.
Robbie tried again. "Do you like him?"
Scorpius blinked at his frankness, a little cautious to answer a highly personal question to someone he only really knew by name. "Er ... I—I suppose. I was his date to the Halloween Party so ..." he said, as if that answered everything. If he was honest, he did like Eamon; he thought him funny and smart and incredibly handsome. But as much as Scorpius tried to forget Albus, Eamon would always fall a little too short; even if Albus was way out of his reach.
"Does he like you?"
Scorpius was beginning to regret every entering an interrogation session with a Ravenclaw. "Perhaps you should ask him that," he said, trying hard to not let his irritation show in his response. He thought he did well.
Robbie seemed to realise he had overstepped a boundary. "Sorry, I just ... This is all new to me and ... well ... I'm a little miffed at Eamon for not telling me anything," he said, playing with his fingers. "I was just a bit of a shock ... you know ... on Saturday night ... to see my best mate dancing with a bloke." He added a small strained laugh at the end, trying to make light of the situation, but Scorpius knew that he was utterly confused.
He felt sorry for Robbie; he just wanted some answers. With a rush of guilt he realised that Eamon was waiting for some explanations too, left long overdue by Scorpius. He turned to Robbie, "Look, don't be too hard on him. We're just ... figuring this out still."
Robbie nodded. "Yeah ... I'm not forcing him or anything. I know these things take time ... 'specially if they're new," he said, sounding far wiser about it all than Scorpius felt. "Well, we're here," he announced after they descended a final set of steps that ended in front of the archways the led into the Study Hall. "I'll let you go in and talk to him," he said. "I'll be ... around."
"Thank you, Robbie," Scorpius said. "For understanding."
Robbie shot him a weak smile before turning to ascend back up the staircase that swung around to the left as Robbie got on it.
Taking a deep breath in, Scorpius marched towards the Study Hall. He immediately spotted Eamon by himself at the end of a long table, books scattered around him like debris. His broad shoulders were poised carefully over a textbook as he stared at the information written, looking as entranced by his work, as a Centaur would the stars.
He approached the boy. "Eamon."
Eamon's head shot up in surprise, clearly not expecting interruption, much less from Scorpius. "Scorp! Why are—what are you doing here?"
Surprisingly, Scorpius found that he was wishing Eamon would be upset at him. It would have been easier to defend himself then. But, as always, the Ravenclaw was entirely lovely and unassuming. Scorpius took a deep breath. "I wanted to talk to you ... about ..." He didn't finish the sentence, largely because it needn't have been. Eamon looked at him in understanding.
"I figured you would ... eventually."
Guilt stabbed at him. Why hadn't he done this yet? Oh yeah, because I'm a coward.
"How have you been?" Scorpius asked.
"Not bad. A little confused, to be honest. But all things considered..."
Scorpius nodded. "Listen, Eamon ... I am so sorry that I haven't spoken to you yet. I've just been thinking and everything's been a bit messy ..."
"No, look, I understand," Eamon interrupted. Scorpius bit his lips and wished he wouldn't. "Well, I don't understand why you like ... who you like ... but you just had one of your biggest secrets revealed to everyone, and I figured you'd need time."
Scorpius lowered his head in frustration and defeat. Here, before him, sat the most considerate person on the face of the planet, who liked him enough to risk his friendship with Robbie, who danced with him and kissed him, and who wasn't at all angry about the fact that Scorpius had his eyes set on someone entirely different; and Scorpius had no idea what he did to deserve such a friend. "Eamon," he said. Then, almost as if to himself, he muttered, "You deserve someone much better than me."
"But I ..." Eamon paused. "I really like you, Scorpius."
He felt the bottom of his stomach vanish. Why was this so difficult? Because Eamon had just laid his heart on the line—more vulnerable than he had probably ever been before—and Scorpius might as well have shot a Severing Charm at it.
"I understand if you don't like me—"
"I do, Eamon," he said quickly. "I really do. I think you're smart and funny and really, really attractive ..."
"...But not as much as Potter, eh?"
Scorpius didn't want to lie, so he kept his mouth shut, but Eamon understood loud and clear.
He lowered his quill to the table and swivelled around so he was facing Scorpius fully. "Look, Scorp, don't get angry with me," he began, and Scorpius wondered how he could ever preface anything he said in such a fashion when it was Eamon that had every right to be angry. "But have you stopped to consider the consequences of liking someone like Potter?\""
"How do you mean?"
Eamon darted his gaze around, searching for the best way to answer him. "Well ... to be blunt ... he's not gay."
Ouch. Trust me, I know. Scorpius nodded his agreement.
"So ..." Eamon continued. "Why do you? Like him, I mean ... if he's not ... like us."
And there was the million dollar question, witches and wizards. Why did Scorpius Malfoy—queer—have a crush on Albus Potter—oh so very not queer?
Scorpius had no logical answer, except for the very stupid and very feeble hope that perhaps Albus wasn't quite as straight as everything knew him to be, which, really, wasn't much to base all his emotions and feelings on. Scorpius sighed aloud.
"Are you going to be waiting forever for something that might not ever come?" Eamon continued.
Even if, even if, Albus decided to break up with Mel, that still wouldn't solve their gay/straight conundrum. Albus would only ever be his friend. And if it wasn't Mel, then it would be the next girl, and the next girl, until he would eventually get married, settle down and have kids with someone who was very much a girl, leaving Scorpius standing looking like a fool, with nothing but the silly and impossible hope that Albus was queer all along.
Eamon was looking at him like he knew exactly what Scorpius was thinking.
"I don't want to force you to make your decision," Eamon said, reaching forward and hesitantly holding Scorpius' hand. "But I want you to consider everything before you do. In the meantime, I'll be waiting for you." His eye-contact was unbroken and sure, and Scorpius felt physically pierced by his dark blue eyes.
It hit Scorpius then that he and Eamon were in similar positions, both waiting for answers from people they cared desperately about. But at least Eamon was more justified in his waiting. Scorpius, on the other hand, felt foolish.
He didn't know what to say, but he cleared his throat anyway. "I ... I should ..."
"Go", Eamon said, not unkindly. "I know you've got a lot to think about."
Scorpius stood up, but before he left, he did something he thought he'd never do: he bent down and placed a small kiss on Eamon's left cheek.
"Thank you."

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Next Chapter: Albus confronts Mel. He's made his decision.