I'll be Home [On Going]

Chapter 39

"How are you feeling?" she turned her head up and saw Aga standing behind the door.

She stared at him for a long time.

"B-better." she answered as she bowed her head, she sighed and looked at him again. "Thanks." she added then  pursed her lips.

He sounds concern but she doesn't want to brood over it. She's grateful he asked but she doesn't want to assume.

He was crossing his arms on his chest while eyes are on his side with his upper lip slightly forward, contemplating what to say but then he looked at her. She was just there, sitting on the side of the bed playing with her fingers, biting her lips, and slightly breathing shakily. Those are obvious not to notice. Perhaps though it is Lea. Keeping his eyes on her hasn't been this easy that he would regret for he failed to know her errands. Putting her into his house like a prison was never his intension, he has the most respect to her. Somehow, he was terrified to lose her on his sight because she might not come back again. He was afraid same thing could happen without him noticing.

"I see." he just answered while nodding and turned his back on her. Lea too, turned on the other side of the bed. When he was about to go, he stopped. He let out a breath and said.  "Last night..." He knows, somehow, he pushed her to the limit. Her reaction last night was unbearable for him, those deep eyes, that shaky lips and trembling hands, seemed like she just revealed so much of herself. It aches his heart that she really seemed not to trust him on that matter. He has a lot to ask, from how did it happen up to the healing process but he chose not to. He guesses she would initially do when she's ready.

Lea diverted her gaze downward on his side. Afraid to lock her eyes on him. She waited for more.

"I wasn't myself." he uttered without facing her then she heard the door closed. She knew it, the moment he moved closer and shouted on her face last night. She knew he was partly under the influence of alcohol. He would forget about last night, she presumed. But it turned out the other way around. Guess her divulgence of that information sobered him up. She silently thanked him for saying that. That means he was sorry, that she wants to believe.

She stayed on that position for minutes before she decided to get up and took the envelope from the drawer of the bedside table. Her eyes drool over it again and again.

' "Hmm... this must be a traumatic experience." Doctor Collantes commented while reading her files.

Lea nodded even though the woman was not looking at her. She handed her all her medical records in regards to her condition she's consulting with. It took her weeks to finally get an opportunity to visit.

"Can't you really remember anything from your past experiences? Any improvement?" the woman is now looking at her.

She shook her head in response. She doesn't want to open about her recurring dreams. Not yet. She thought she still has more to figure out. She was hoping for more. It has been difficult for her, her mother and her son when they discovered that she has the rare condition of cognitive disorder. She couldn't properly eat and sleep for weeks, much for her mother's terror, hers too. The first year of her healing process was never an easy one. She would scream on the top of her lungs every night because of nightmares. She would often wake up in the middle of the night in fright of someone might attack her.

Three times a week, her physical therapist visits her for a therapy session that she wished would end as soon as possible. Every step she makes, every bend of her muscles from each part of her body is antagonizingly painful. She feels worse even after the first one and didn't occur to her that that can be challenging and hard.