Alpha's Choice

Chapter 22 Emotional Prisoner

Xenobia's POV

My heart clenched and twisted with anguish I had never known as his words hit me like boulders falling off a cliff. My stomach clenched and I wanted to vomit. Every twinge of excitement from the exchange we just had died a devastating painful instant death. I was still naked in his bed. He was still casually laying in bed beside me with one arm behind his head looking as if through existence. You'd think he was unphased, maybe he was. He had already been through it once. I felt like I was dying by slow torture. It should hurt him too.

I couldn't find words I was drowning in emotions. First joy at thinking we were finding a way to put this behind us. Then so much passion. Now this. It was a few minutes before I was even capable of words after the low blow he dealt me by leaving me breathless and then taking away my ability to breath. I was just trying to hold back tears. "Is this payback?" I scoffed at him, as I searched for my clothes. I tossed them on angrily. He continued to lay nonchalantly in his bed. It was even more frustrating. He didn't say anything in return. "I thought you were better than petty hurtful tactics, Xavier." Still nothing.

I found the rest of my clothes and pulled those on too. I wanted to hate him but really I was just crushed. "You just claimed me after all this time only to turn around and reject me. That's beyond cruel. You had to make sure I felt the full weight of it when you got your revenge. How long have you been plotting this revenge Xavier?" He continued on as if I wasn't even there shouting at him. I gathered the rest of my things in a huff. "You know what the difference is Xavier. I was 15. I wasn't even old enough to identify you as my mate or be drawn to you. If you had waited to approach me things might have been different, but at the time yes you were the new outsider just miraculously pulled back into the pack. I didn't even get a chance to desire you on my own before I rejected you."

He finally looked at me, his ice blue eyes freezing me in place. "You slept with half the pack. You have quite the body count but your latest one met the most deserving fate for sure." His coldness alarmed me and created a deeper ache within. I was left hollow hearing his real feelings, but horror crept in further at the mention of Xach. The pack Gamma who would have a whole lot of questions for me soon, based on Xavier's comment. "What did you do to Xach?" "I didn't have to do anything to him Xenobia. Your little lackey made bigger enemies then me."

"What are you talking about Xavier."

He snickered at me looking amused, and a morbid trepidation took hold further twisting me up. "Xander ripped him to pieces and saved me the trouble."

I gasped in horror. I couldn't help but wonder how much of this was my fault. Did Xach die solely because of me? I rushed to Xavier's bathroom and vomited. I couldn't contain it any more. My senses were going crazy like I was having an overload. I wanted to hate Xavier but I didn't. I still was aching from the hurt I knew I had caused him. It was like a double dose of grief.

He was in the doorway when I turned around. He was only wearing boxers. There was a smirk on his face as he framed the doorway. "What's a matter Xenobia, sad that your last potential meal ticket is now coyote feed."

"Xavier it's not like that. It's my fault he's dead."

"There are plenty of things in this world that are your fault. That isn't one of them. He attacked Xander's mate." What? Why would Xach do that? That didn't make any sense. Xander must be hiding something. Xach would have no reason to attack a girl. It was still my fault though. I had asked him to stir things up on the inside since I couldn't. I had as good as signed his death certificate in my own mind. It just compounded my feelings of grief. This was just cruel and I wanted to be out of this confined space with him.

I pushed past him to get out of the bathroom. Is there any way to come back from a double rejection, but I could still feel his anger seething? The connection still existed in some way. Could he just not feel my emotions because he had voluntarily disconnected? Is that why before it didn't bother me so much? Why was it different now? That is when the searing pain spread like liquid fire through my veins, and the source was the crescent moon bite mark on my shoulder. It was what was difference. He had claimed me. I was his now, even in rejection. It was a brutal punishment. To love and never be loved. I wept at the thought. Was this the pain he had known all along. The agony he portrayed to me didn't feel so devastating. I would accept it though. I had earned it.