Soothe

5: Where We Are

Author's Note:

For EmyLilas, (Ao3, mostly) who leaves some very insightful comments I woke up to this morning and who helped me further understand the material that is at hand.

bobbiejelly.

Soothe

In Which Meredith teaches Addison how to self-soothe.

Before Meredith married Derek, and After she'd almost told Addison she liked her.

F/F. Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery. MerAdd. Meddison. GA/PP Fanfiction.

Set during GA - "Before After/An Honest Mistake & PP - Acceptance/Ex-Life. Rated M.

Inspired by "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" by Illegal Kittens, "Blame Game" by LordOfLezzies, and "All We Ever Are We Are" by SilverStarsAndMoons.

Chapter 5: Where We Are

In Which Derek has some of his bruises, but Meredith and Addison each have much deeper scars.

1

"Are you okay?" Addison Montgomery walks into the exam room where Meredith Grey is tending to Derek Shepherd's bruised-up hand. "Yeah, I'm okay, thanks Addie," Derek says to Addison without an ounce of hesitation. Addison frowns a bit at being called her old nickname by him, but she says to him "good," all the same. She looks at Meredith now, only with her eyes.

She's looking at her because Meredith can tell that she is actually asking HER the same question she just asked her ex-husband. Meredith tries not to imagine that Addison had come into this room only to ask her that, or only to ask her that first, or only to ask her that implicitly, or at least additionally to dutifully asking her ex-husband that same question "are you okay?"

Addison asking Meredith this only with her eyes, because Meredith knows that she can't ask her out loud in front of their Derek, and she can't ask her with the turn of the head because then Derek would see, and then Derek would know, and then Derek would realize they're still 'friends or at least not old enemies like they were supposed to be because of him', of course...

And Meredith takes a second to think of her answer because she really doesn't feel super 'okay', but she knows that it's also insane that Addison is asking both her ex-husband and ex-Derek-bashing-confidant this very question as she waits to see if her brother is gorked or is just great as when he wakes up in the ICU ward. And the gesture is so very Addison it's uncanny...

So Meredith eventually snaps out of her inner debate and starts nodding to her, nodding imperceptibly slowly behind Derek's shoulder as she checks out his rotator cuff for more injuries. She nods as if she's nodding to say that Derek's shoulder is fine, but she knows better and Addison knows her better than that to know that she's also addressing Addison's not-question.

And she knows that Addison doesn't fully believe her not-answer to her not-question because she only responds to her "are you sure?" but out loud and pointing to Derek's shoulder with her whole hand but simultaneously squinting and arching her eyebrow at Meredith to let her know that she's not actually questioning her medical judgment, just her well-being, and so-called-fine.

2

"She's good," Derek answers for Meredith Grey now, which makes Meredith angry at him for overriding her answer that she realizes she never did provide Addison or Derek actually out loud, at all, yet. He's answering in a way that he's also referring to his own judgment of character as a comparison of Meredith to Addison in addition to praising her medical skills.