I'd give you a life

can you turn back time?

I unlock the door and go inside the house. ever since i got ill there's been a slight depressing fog over the house, that has smoothed out the happiness. i step over the doormat and into the hallway. i look up at the walls. all over the walls are pictures of me in school uniform. right from when i was tiny. and in every picture i have long shiny black hair. i swallow as i come to the last photo. i look grey and tired. wiped out, like all the colour in my life has beem sucked away. these past months of therapy has been gruelling to say the least. i walk into my bedroom and fall onto my bed. i pick up my photo album and flick to primary school photos. in many of the pictures i'm posing with a quiet shy girl called Faith, who has short mousy hair and a big smile. i ditched Faith when i left primary school, i wanted to be cool, popular. i fet my stomach squeeze with sadness. i wish i hadn't rejected Faith. i would do anything to turn back time. suddenly, i know what i want to do, i sift through my bookshelf looking for the book i want. i find it, my old book of telephone numbers and addresses, before everyone got mobiles and facebook.  with shaking fingers i dial her number.

"Hello?" her mothers voice rings down the phoneline.

"Er, hello... it's Grace here, is Faith there?" i grip the phone so tightly my knuckles go white. 

"Grace! i haven't heard from you in a long time! how are you sweetie?" i frown, i wait for the gushing tone, the sympathy. none comes, does she not know? 

"I... i'm alright. please can i speak to Faith?" i forget all my manners and practically beg. 

"Of course sweetie, i'll just grab her,"i hear her calling Faiths name, and the buzz of a reply. i hold my breath.  i haven't seen Faith for ages, she's on the opposite side of the school, and has completely different friends and lessons. i realise with numbing shock, that the girl who i once called my best friend,doesnt know that i might be dying. Faith comes to the phone,

"Hello?"she says uncertainly.

"Um... hi Faith... its me... Grace." there is silence for about thirty seconds before her voice goes hard and cold.

"Oh. Hello. what do you want?" her voice is so harsh i begin to tremble.

"Please Faith... i need you." my voice wobbles and i am acutely aware that i sound desperate.

"What about all the times i needed you? when you ditched me to be cool." her voice still sounds harsh, but sadder and nostalgic.

"Please. Please just meet me somewhere." i realise that in my anguish i am sounding angry. i pull myself back. hearing what she assumes is arrogant anger she gets cross and harsh, the sadness is gone.

"Drop dead Grace." the words are like icy cold water drenching me from head to toe. i can't stop the tears pouring down my face, i end up howling. she sounds taken aback. as she says:

"Fine, i'll meet you, at the park?" she doesnt sound cross, just tired.

"I don't think i can get to the park." i whisper the words, i'm feeling too weak. 

"Fine. come to my house. but i promise you, if this is just some stupid wind up... anyway, i'm only inviting you to show you that i dont need you. everybody loves you. your the perfect girl." her voice is neutral, tinged with sadness and jealousy.

"Wanna bet?" i say sadly. we hang up, and i set off for a place i havent seen in three years.