Take Me Back // Luke Hemmings

☠ Luke's POV ☠

Katie's eyes screamed for me to stay, but I didn't want to. I couldn't, but then I needed to. I knew what she was thinking, and she knew what I was thinking. I still loved her, and some weird voice in the back of my head told me she still loved me too.

"Luke, I just... I don't know what I was thinking but I did it,and I think we both enjoyed it. That night she tried to kill herself.... I kissed her. Because I wanted to. I like her just as much as you do and-" Calum began to talk, but I was already crying. A sob escaped me, and I couldn't help but slip to the floor. He's kissed her before I have. That hurt. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest so slowly I'd died before they could even take it out.

I felt like a child crying right in front of them, when I should be getting up and ripping Calum's throat out. But it's not how I work. I'm never angry at anything, I'm just sad. I don't scream, I cry. It's hard being like this because everyone considers me a wimp. That's why I just agree with everyone. I can't stand a fight with out crying my eyes out. Katie's hands are clasped over her mouth, and I figure he's not lying. What a cold and filthy animal.

"Luke." Katie's says through her hands. The sound is muffled, and Calum is now completely out of her reach. He looks up at me but I don't look back. I'm too focused on a single tear drop soaking into the fabric of my jeans. There's so much burning agony in that one tear drop I feel like I'm on fire.

"I'm happy for you guys though. You guys would be.." I get chocked up on a sob but I keep it inside me. "The most adorable couple out there." I smile at them to know I'm serious, but I don't feel it. They look awful together, but it's not my choice on who either of them love. It's their own mistake or choice.

"You don't mean that." Katie says softly, looking at me with a serious and hurt gaze. She brings her knees up to her chest and sighs. Like I've said, she can see right through me. I'm a window to her, not a wall. I laugh at how creepy it is that she knows these things, but I can't look at her. I do anyways. I look at her chapped lips, which must have been plump and healthy the night Calum kissed her.

I shrugged, also knowing I didn't mean what I'd just said. I didn't want them to look good together. Calum seemed even more embarrassed at what Katie had said.

"I'm so sorry Luke.. I never meant to do it. It just happened. It was inappropriate and selfish." Calum got up and walked over to me, lightly punching me like he usually does when he knows it's serious. He tries to make a joke out of anything.I still didn't feel like I could 100% trust either of them. I wouldn't have to trust them; Katie would be in hospital for at least another two nights. I would only have to put up with Calum.

"Could you guys spend the night if I can convince my mom to go home? I need someone else here, she doesn't exactly get what I'm going through if you know what I mean." Her cheeks blushed as she looked at us waiting for an answer. I didn't care what we did, but I didn't know if I could handle being in their presence for anymore than 24 hours.

"Luke.. It's up to you." Calum and Katie both looked at me questioningly. I wasn't ready to get the question thrown at me. I tried to stay calm, wanting to please them and make me not have a panic attack.

"Yeah, I guess we can. I might have to leave early though." I added apprehensively. They both nodded, as if they understood. They never had, they never would. Katie smiled, silently thanking me for staying with her eyes. I didn't feel any affection toward the point that she wanted me to stay. I felt nuetral, like it was no big deal. And it felt wrong almost.

"When can you go back to school?" Calum asked, not ever letting me get in a question. No like I wanted to or anything. Katie's eyes flashed with a sense of joy, and she smiled. Why was she so happy about school?

"Thursday. They need to make sure I'm stable enough to be around a lot of people. I miss everyone so much. I even miss Mrs. Cart and all of her stupid comments." Katie and Calume laughed uncontrolably at her joke. I never had known who Mrs. Cart was, so I figured to not pitch into any of it. I just stood there emotionless, watching as they enjoyed themselves like they'd just smoked a fucking jar of pot.

The night passed by slowly, like every breath added more time to my night. Calum was curled up on a chair way too tiny for him playing on his phone. The bright screen lit up his face, which appeared tired and bored. I listened to the soft click of his thumbs hitting the keyboard, slowly moved by the rythum. I was beyond tired, and I haven't slept in probably two days. Katie was trying to focus on the TV, but I caught her glancing at every few minutes. There was so much dread in her eyes it broke my heart.

"Luke.." She whispered quietly. I wanted to ignore her, but something made me look at her. Black lines streaked her ghostly pale cheeks. Her cheeks were almost whiter than Michael's had always been. It sent panic through my whole body. I felt like I needed to throw up. Now. "Can I tell you something? Something I hate, but you kind of have to know?" I looked at Calum. He looked as if he actually wasn't listening, not like he was just ignoring the awkward conversation. I felt sick with apprehension. What could she possibly tell me to make any of this worse?

"Yeah. Just say it quickly please." I whispered back, noting the bile and taste of food climbing up my throat. She stiffened, as if she didn't expect me to say yes. Or say anything at all. Her eyes were tired and glassy, and she never did look at me. She stared ahead at the wall bathed in white paint.

"I can't love you anymore. I don't really know if you could tell that I did love you, but I did. I liked you so much I tried to stay away from you. I didn't ever want to look like an idiot around you. Then I could tell when I actually talked to you for the first time that you liked me. I could see it in everything you did; especially in your eyes." She smiled, but there was zero happiness in it. It was full of not sadness, but some sort of sickness.

"After you snapped, I could see who you really were. You weren't the rich helpless little senior everyone liked. That's who you played at school. You wouldn't be much of anything if you hadn't. I seen you where cold. You couldn't take in as much consideration to be nice to me after I helped you. After everything. You were too worried about you. It's always about you." Her last sentence was a quiet whisper, full of such sadness. She was right. I couldn't tell her I did care about her, that I was selfless. Because I wasn't.

"I'm sorry." It was the all I could honestly say. I honestly was sorry. I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

"Is that it? I'm sorry?" She looks at me, and laughs a hurt and fake laugh. I feel like an idiot. I stare at the floor, unable to look her in the eyes. I've fully betrayed her. It's over now.

"Yeah. That's it." I say, still looking at the floor. I hear a small intake of breath, and I realize she's crying. I feel the same sting of tears, and it still hasn't set in what I'd just done. I honestly could have just killed her. Or maybe myself.
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I didn't proof read so sorry for any errors 😁 and happy 2015!! I hope you all like my story so far, tell me if I should write more stories! 😘

-Karley ☺️