Something New

Part 2

I woke up to the sound of our old van outside. It was four in the morning. Aaron had left a note on the bed. He did this a lot

You looked so cute I couldn't wake you up. The guys forgot to tell me that we have a gig out of the city today. I hope you know I'm falling harder for you every day.
Love,
Aaron

Aaron did this a lot. He's been in his band "Dead Man Walking" for about three years. No one could play bass like he could. His passion for the instrument was almost as passionate as my love for him.

I knew trying to go back to sleep would be a waste of time, because it was already hard enough for me to fall asleep last night. I've had night terrors since I was a little girl. Everytime I tried to fall alseep all that came to mind was the way Fill, my moms boy friend, touched me.

When I was four my dad died in a car crash. It seemed to not even bother my mother. Fill was aggressive, not only to me, but also my mother. I remember walking to school with bruised legs and arms. One day I got home from school early and Fill was there, drunk off his ass. I knew he was low, but never this low. I will never forget the way his cold, rinkly fingers touched me.

How could men be so awfule to wemon they "love". All around me all I see is pain from others. But Aaron was not like this. No, he truly loves me. Not that way you see in the movies. He sees my swollen wrist and broken heart, and loves them unconditionally.

As I saw the sunrise paint they sky with beautiful colors, I relized I had to live in this God forsaken hell on earth. But I have to get better. For him.

My long brown hair had looked like blue birds had made a nest of it. It would be so hard to do this day without him. I've been getting used to it though. I was to weak to get ready. I pulled out my pack of Camel Blues to smoke the day away. Hoping one day it would smoke my life away to. I love the way nicotine burn down my throat. This sensataion made me feel more alive.

I decided to put on one of Aarons old albums. He was such a music junky, it was adorable. The way his nose crinkled, was the cutest thing I have ever seen. Compared to his eyes nothing shined quite as bright.

For the rest of the day I sat in bed, filling my lungs with the black clouds of poisin I love so much. Sometimes I wounder if I love them more than Aaron. So yes, I wasted another day with olds thoughts, poison,and missing Aaron. This is what I've made my life.