The Secret World of Maya Alexander

Chapter 33

Returning to a steady routine in the hope that a sense of being okay might resume during this period of her life, Maya arrived for work at the clinic at exactly 08:25 a.m. She could not remember the last time she had bothered to look at her clock as she arrived to work, and she felt unsettled at the realisation of this fact. She never used to be late for anything as she herself could not stand being kept waiting. Arriving at this time meant that she had a good choice of parking spaces. She reversed into a spot she vaguely remembered as once being her preference and turned off the engine. Her pale face looked down and examined her bloated stomach and frail limbs, which she had failed to disguise with her loose tunic that was black except for an autumnal pattern in shades grey around the waist. It was already  the last day of her second week back at work since her holiday with her mother, yet the uneasy feeling in her stomach seemed to feel bigger that morning.

Her gaze slowly shifted to the mellow melody of Autumn calling out from the friendly group of Silver Birch trees in the field which overlooked the car park. The branches were adorned with an abundance of golden diamonds ready to fall and join the community which had already begun to create a luxurious carpet across the ground. The world around her seemed to be brimming with vibrance and colour. It was as though it was determined to reach a climax in its existence before it bowed into icy shades of grey for the inevitable onset of winter.

Maya had agreed to return to work with reduced hours and increased opportunities for supervision for one month in the first instance. This had fit in well with June's persistence that she should collect her niece Jess from school every Friday. Maya felt a pang of guilt at the secrets which may have meant that June would have been less certain about these new care arrangements. She tried to reassure herself that what happened in Venice had just been a blip. She was doing well. She was back in a routine and managing to attend work everyday.

Upon returning home from Venice, she found that her husband Stephen had also returned to their home. He had bought a new mirror identical to the one he had broken, and had replaced it upon the empty space that had been left upon the hallway wall. He seemed reluctant to accept the end of their marriage. Maya tried hard not to give him false hope.

Thinking about collecting her niece later that day, Maya allowed herself to feel a tiny bit excited. She managed to put aside her own doubts and guilt and instead tried to look forward to walks by the river, visits to the park, baking or maybe even painting. She had not told anyone in work about her new duties, in case they thought she was not ready for any additional responsibility. She had become more accustomed to lying in work over the last few months. She tried hard to be the person she felt she was expected to be. The person everyone admired and enjoyed.

Work had been the one place since leaving school, where Maya had prided herself on her reputation. She had always been naturally good at her job, a good colleague and a highly respected and valued member of the team . Caring and empathetic. Someone who listened well. Well these things are after all very important attributes for a Psychologist. As she contemplated the strain she had begun to feel at fulfilling a role which once came so easily, she wondered whether escapism and secrets could ever be traits that would be valued by her colleagues or her clients.

The assessment and support centre for young people suffering with and recovering from eating disorders was not yet open to its patients and their families for the day. Helen, the receptionist, was settling down at her computer screen. Maya greeted her, and enquired whether she had plans for the weekend, but her eyes glazed and she seemed to drift off into the distance as Helen told her about her son bringing his latest girlfriend over for tea. Helen had always liked Maya, she was such a genuine young woman, yet there was a distance in her eyes since she had returned from her holiday which often made Helen feel as though she may as well have been in a different room. Helen wondered whether Maya had heard a word she had said, as her mouth smiled 'sounds lovely' but her eyes refused to join in.