The Secret World of Maya Alexander

Chapter 45

Waking from a temporary shift in her attentions, Maya only scrutinised her image in the mirror long enough to ensure that she looked as acceptable as possible for work and, more importantly, for Jess. The silence of her home was too much for her that morning so she turned on the radio on her phone to distract her, as she decided that she should wear a paisley print tunic dress with her opaque tights and black boots. Her clothes were more like a uniform than a fashion statement. Or perhaps even a camouflage. Chosen so that as little attention as possible was drawn to her. Chosen so she blended in. Chosen to hide what was underneath.

The radio announced the commencement of advent on Saturday. Maya could not remember much about how she had passed through the month of November. And it suddenly made sense why Alice had been asking about Christmas. She wondered if she should get Jess an advent calendar. Not a chocolate one. That might be frowned upon. Maybe a nativity one. But was that too much? Something parents might buy themselves if that was the message they wanted to share. Was that the message that Anna wanted her daughter to have about Christmas?

Books? Maya's thought jumped around quickly in her head. Could you get an advent calendar of books? She quickly searched on her phone and found the Christmas story in advent calendar form. She did not let the thought form in her mind, but she felt an empty ache in her stomach which told her that this was the advent calendar she would have bought for her own child. Her child that would have been here by now.

10th August.

The date flashed and then echoed around her head for the first time since March when it had been banished to a distant corner and locked up like a prisoner in the interests of its victim. No one had reminded her of it. No one else had remembered.

She tried to shake it from her head as soon as it had appeared. What was she doing on 10th August? Why had she let it pass her by? Her legs became weak and her chest became tight as she tried to make a conscious effort to breathe and keep herself from falling. The realisation that she had let her child's expected date of birth pass her by, disturbed her. And now that she had recalled the fact, she could not put it away again. It would interrupt her day and night.

Working hard to get her mind to refocus, Maya returned her attention to the instructions on the screen of her phone (click here to reserve). She read the words at least four times before she was able to process the simple direction and press her finger against the highlighted area. There was a foreboding presence in the room. A heavy feeling. Maya caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Somehow it shimmered towards her with a peacefulness that reached out as if to offer to relinquish the uneasy feeling, which now seeped from every other object and sound within the confines of that room.

A sudden chirping of an alarm on her phone, drew Maya away from the reflection and back to the everyday demands which she needed to adhere to. Make tea. She exhaled, relieved that she had set the alert on her phone. She had decided to do it after ending up late for work one day when, absorbed by the reflections in the mirror, she had drifted too far from the constraints of time.

Aware of the current state of her drifting mind, Maya decided to set some extra alerts for the day ahead. Ones which reminded her that she was collecting Jess, even though she was sure that  was something that she would not forget. And one which reminded her to collect the book she had just reserved on her phone. This was outside of her daily routine and more likely to be forgotten.

In fact, Maya had found that adding alerts and reminders to her phone provided her with a sense of focus. And as the days passed, so had the details and frequency of her alerts expanded. Every appointment would be announced promptly with a quiet chirp, precisely five minutes before it was due.