"It's true." Panimula ni Van.
Napakunot ako ng noo.
"It's true. Lahat nang sinabi ni Jay kanina." Sabi niya. "I cheated with Jesel to love Priscilla."
My heart sank.
No.
Hindi ka ganyang klase na tao, Van Mentius.
Jesel and Priscilla. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga naririnig ko ngayon.
"Priscilla is Jay's cousin. He often visits me here in Australia." Sabi niya.
"Why?" I asked.
"He became my friend. He got a lot of bars handled worldwide." Sabi niya.
Bars. I hate bars.
Napayuko siya.
Van's voice is so sad. As if telling me those are just so hard for him. And same goes for me, it is so hard to swallow this time. Ngayong siya na mismo ang nagsasabi sa akin.
"Tell me more. About Priscilla and Jesel." I said and he look hurt. Why Van? Does your past still bothers you? It bothers me more, Van. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang i-rereact ko after the worst part.
"Like I said, I loved them both." Sabi niya. "Pinagsabay ko sila."
Sige, Angel. Saktan mo pa sarili mo.
"Jesel is gone. So is our baby."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko.
"Your baby?" I asked.
Na-alarma siya sa reaction ko. He tried holding my hand and I pushed them all away from. Napaatras ako.
"Angel, dont." Sabi niya.
"And you also had a baby with Priscilla but also lost it." Sabi ko. And he slowly nodded for confirmation.
My tears fell over my cheeks. Parang baha.
"You were cheating, Van!" Sabi ko. Napailing ako habang nakatingin sa kanya.
He tried holding my hands again.
"Both of them must have suffered so much!" I shouted.
Now, I got scared.
Do I trust him anymore?
Do I trust him?
Kung nagawa niya noon, baka kaya niya ring gawin sa akin ngayon.
Napapikit ako habang pinahiran ang mga luha ko. Hindi ko na alam.
"Angel, this is what I am saying. You'll be mad."
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi? All along akala ko isa kang different kind of person. Sobrang gentle and charming. I have never had a thought that you could be like that in your past." Sabi ko and he rendered speechless.
"So the story about Varys that you've told me before was actually your story. You're a liar, Van." Sabi ko.
I am going crazy.
Hindi ko na macontrol ang emosyon ko. Ang alam ko lang ay hindi ako makapaniwala sa mga nalalaman ko ngayon and I never thought I could love a man like him. Like this.
"It was hard to explain, Angel. Kasi alam kong magiging ganito ka."
"Maging ano?!"
"Ganyan. Ganyan ka. Magiging ganyan ka. Magagalit ka sa akin. You'll resent me and you'll even regret that you loved me." Sabi niya na parang alam na alam niya talaga na ganito ang babagsak sa aming dalawa. Napailing siya at saka sinuntok ang pader na nasa likoran niya.
Van Mentius is crying.
And I am hurting.
"Angel, that was before." He said while leaning his forehead to the wall. I am watching his back. "That was all from before. Long ago."
Ang hirap.
Paano ko iintindihan kaagad? I need time to sink this in. I need time. Wont Van consider my feelings? Wont Van give me time?
"Van, you lost 2 babies." Sabi ko.
Humarap siya sa akin.
"I lost them both like hell, Angel. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit para sa akin iyon." Sabi niya. "Para akong pinatay ng paulit-ulit kung maiisip ko na nawalan ako ng anak."
Napatakip ako ng bibig ko while still sobbing so hard.
"VAN, YOU CHEATED!" I said. "Kung para kang pinatay namawalan ng anak, ano pa kaya ang naramdaman ni Jesel and Priscilla?! You dragged them both to hell, Van. How could you?!" I shouted.
Napaluhod si Van habang napatulala.
"'Wag mo akong iwan."
"Hindi ko alam kung mapagkakatiwalaan pa ba kita. Natatakot ako na baka mangyayari din sa akin iyon." Sabi ko at napayuko si Van.
"Dont, Angel." Sabi niya habang umiiyak. "Dont leave me."
"I cant trust you right now." I said.
Napasinghap ako ng hangin.
"I'm leaving." Sabi ko at saka nagmamadali na umalis sa kwarto. I immediately went to the darkest place here in the area and stayed silent for a minute.
Van wasnt even looking for me.
Van was devastated, I saw.
Van was also scary.
Van was everything I ever wanted before— but now?
I dont know anymore.
BINABASA MO ANG
Van Mentius Lim: My Pain (Completed)
Romance"My Pain is you, Van Mentius." - Angel Horfelia The story of "My Pain" revolves around Van Mentius Lim and his journey to finding love and acceptance. Van, tired of playing games and having ill-fated relationships, finally meets a girl who changes...
