I didn't noticed na sobrang emotional ko lately that I forgot taking good care of myself.
I often fainted and lost memory. Mabilis akong makalimot and aakalain ko na kumain na ako o kaya ay nag-assume na yung body ko na busog na busog na and I feel like wasting time all the time kaya hindi ako natutulog.
My body is breaking up.
Si Mommy naman ay hindi rin maintindihan ang sarili niya pero when she realized what happened to me, doon na siya na alarma. Isang buwan na pala akong stressed and is suffering from a serious anxiety.
Mommy admitted me to the hospital at kung nasa bahay man ako ay siya naman ang nag-aalaga sa akin.
"Angel, you have to sleep."
Napatigil ako sa pagtutulala at pagmumuni malapit sa bintana habang umuulan nang dahil sa sinabi ni Mommy.
"Kaaalis mo pa alng sa hospital, you have to rest."
"Mom, ang hirap." Sabi ko.
Niyakap niya ako.
"Godm you are so skinny now. Ang bilis nang pangyayari and I didn't know na ipit na ipit ka sa sitwasyon. I am so sorry if I hadn't noticed sooner. Kung alam ko lang na stressed out ka lately I would've been more attentive to you..."
Nag-iiyakan kami ni Mom.
Lumayo siya sa yakap.
"Pero, sana anak ay maintindihan mo rin ako. I also have in my hardest kasi I lost both of my parents."
I froze.
She's right.
Napalunok ako.
"Lahat ditto ay nasasaktan.... Alam kong mahirap para sa iyo pero anak, mahirap din para kay Mommy. Makita kang ganito? Please, you just look so suicidal right now and I cant afford to lose you too."
She's right again.
I am so self-centered.
Napayuko ako.
Napahigit ako ng hininga ko.
Shit.
Van.
Nanlaki ang mata ko.
Is this even normal?
I just totally forgot about him for almost a month. This is stupid!
"Mommy, tumawag ba si Van sa iyo?"
Nagulat siya sa biglang pag-iba ko nang topic.
She wiped her tears away.
"Van?"
"Mom, I think I made a mistake this time."
Oh my god.
I just totally... forgot about him.
Mabilis ang takbo ng puso ko habang iniisip ko kung ano na ang nangyayari kay Van Mentius sa Australia.
I tried calling him pero hindi ko siya ma-contact.
Damn it.
"Wait, is there something going on between you and Van?" Mom asked.
Napatingin ako sa kanya.
I sighed.
"Mommy, sasabihin ko naman po sa inyu pero..."
"Magpahinga ka na." She told me.
"Our flight back to Australia is the day after tomorrow. I always had it postponed the other weeks. I thought na you could stay and I'll just go back alone pero I think you have more reason to go back there." She said.
Nanghina ang mga binti ko dahilan na para akong matutumba.
I wiped my tears away.
"Mommy, paano kung may nangyari sa kanya? I didn't had a contact with him ever since we have left." I said.
Napangiti si Mom.
"You lost a family. I am sure he will understand." Mom said and it sounds convincing naman in my part.
I wish he is safe.
Safer than anything else.
Nagagalit kaya siya? Oo naman.
Fuck.
Para ko siyang biglang iniwan.
Bigla lang akong nawala nang parang bula.
I hate myself.
I sighed and get some sleep.
Pero I find it hard to sleep.
Para kasing nasisira na nang tuloyan ang body clock ko.
Pero thinking about Van right now.
Hinding-hindi ko kakayanin kapag inaakala niyang iniwan ko siya.
No, Van.
I would never do that to you.
Never.
BINABASA MO ANG
Van Mentius Lim: My Pain (Completed)
Romance"My Pain is you, Van Mentius." - Angel Horfelia The story of "My Pain" revolves around Van Mentius Lim and his journey to finding love and acceptance. Van, tired of playing games and having ill-fated relationships, finally meets a girl who changes...
