Waves, Sunsets, & Coffee

Chapter 8.0

     "You gotta tell me what happened Lex. How do you think I can help you if you keep saying "I don't know what to do" huh?" Enzo said as I hugged my knees close to me.
     After that kiss with Ares, he brought me back to the cottage and a thousand thoughts bothered my mind.
     "Alex!" Enzo shouts, snapping his fingers in front of me, bringing me back to reality.
     "Okay so, he took me for a late lunch right? Well we talked, he told me the story of how his great grandparents met. It was so sweet and all so then after lunch, we went back to the beach and just spent the time together and we played thumb of war, and—"
     "Alex! Slow the fuck down. You're rambling again." He says and I guess that's a bad habit of mine. I took a deep breath and started again, but this time slower.
     "You know how Ares and I gotten closer together, right? Well we kissed. Twice."
     "That's kinda obvious Lex." He says and I roll my eyes. "What's your point anyways?" He asks.
     "I just don't know what to feel Enz. I'm confused." I say as I sigh.
     "Still not over Andrew?"
     "I am! Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm definitely better and I've accepted the fact that we're over and all, but still think of him everyday. I keep recalling all the things we did even though I didn't want to. I'm over him, and yet he's still in my mind, and that's fucking with me. Then Ares came up. I... I don't know what to think of him.
     I definitely liked the way he kisses, the way he acts around me, but I don't know Enz. I can't find it in me to trust him. But I know deep down, some part of me wants to." I explained to him, and I finally felt the weight I was carrying a whole lot lighter now that I was able to let it out to my best friend.
     "Do you still love Andrew?" He asks, and with a slight hesitation, I responded.
     "Yes..."
     "And you're over him? Are you really?" He asked and I got annoyed that he was asking questions that I answered already.
     "Were you even listening? Yes! I am, and I can't get him out of my mind. It's frustrating!"
     "You loved that guy Lex. He was your first real love, what do you expect? He'll keep entering your mind even if you don't want to, and you just let it happen. Don't fight it." What he said only made things confusing.
     I want him out of my mind and he tells me to just let him in?
     "What do you mean?" I asked.
     "I mean, just let it be, and soon, you'll be getting on with your life like you used to do before you met him. Do you get what I'm saying?" He asks and I shake my head no.
     "No, not really." I replied and he groans in frustration.
     "You are the slowest fucking person I know!" He says and I smile sheepishly and shrug it off.
     "Okay, look at it this way. You know what happened to your father, and does it still affect you?" He asked and I looked at him weirdly.
     "What does my father have to do with this?"
     "Just answer the question Lex." He says.
     "Yes, I'm still affected with it but I've learned to deal with— Oh... I think I know what you're getting at."
     "See? what happened with your father greatly affected you years ago. Yet look at you now. You've learned to deal with it. You said it yourself. You've learned to handle the pain and continue to live your life." He says and that hits differently.
     Now I know what he's trying to say.
     "Alex, the pain will never go away. You just have to learn to deal with it."
     He excuses himself to the bathroom and leaves me alone with my thoughts.
     Can I really learn to live with the pain?
     "Here." Enzo came back after a short while and handed me a cup of hot coffee. I gladly took it and took a sip which instantly relaxes my nerves.
     "Ah. Okay where were we?" He asks as he takes a sip from the beer bottle he got.
     "You telling me that I'll soon learn to live with the pain."
     "Ah yes. Keep that in mind. Anyways, moving on to your trust issues. We all know you've had them since forever Lex. Something you really need to work on." He chuckles as he teases me and I give him a light punch on his shoulder which earned me a groan.
     "Seriously though, you need to learn to trust people more. The only people you've really let in your life are the girls, and me."
     "Liam and Alec are my friends almost as long as you." I argue back.
     "Yeah, but do they know about certain family issues? Or how about the time when you ran away from home because you—" I cut him off, not wanting to hear more of it.
     "Okay okay point taken!"
     "What I'm trying to say is that, open yourself to the world more, and you'll be surprised." He says and I shake my head no, not wanting to go out there. That's just not me.
     I'm the girl that works behind the scenes and not under a spotlight.
     "I'm not saying that you go out there and have a ted talk about your life. No Alex. What I meant is that, try to lower down your walls to Ares."
     "I can't do that Enz. I don't want to let people in! Last time I did that, Andrew cheated on me. I can't handle another pain. I know it seems weak, but that's just how I am..." tears started to fall from my eyes as another wave of pain hits me from the flashbacks of Andrew that my mind keeps showing me.
     "Hey hey, breathe Alex. Deep breaths." I hear Enzo say as I felt the pacing of my breath start to quicken. His rough hands massaged my back and helped me manage my breaths and soon, I was able to calm down.
     "Alex, listen to me. Life is full of pain, and you need to learn to get through it. And I'm not calling you weak for not letting people in. I understand that okay? I just want you to be yourself in front of Ares. Give it a try Lex. You can't forever shield your heart."