STONE HEARTS ❨ ushijima wakatoshi ❩

「 NINE 」

CHAPTER NINE

Being alone with the person you have felt hostile with all these years was definitely a strange experience for Watanabe Hara, but given the current situation, she knew that it was not the right time to think about that especially since Ushijima himself offered to hang out in order for her to feel better. She needed it. Her mind wandered to the thought of how it was always Ushijima Wakatoshi who appears when she needed someone and had to keep the encounter a secret. The sprain incident, and now this.

She let out a sigh, taking a sip of her strawberry milk after. She didn't know how to start. They were in a playground, both sat on swings, her school bag placed on the side. Ushijima was quiet, waiting for her to speak.

"What happened?" the male captain asked, staring off into the distance as the bright sun looked down on them.

The girl furrowed her brows, swinging her legs. It's not like she didn't completely know what to say, she just wasn't sure if she had the courage to talk to someone especially Ushijima. After all, he was a big part of her life whether she admitted it or not. He became her drive to strive harder in volleyball, he became someone she looked up to, someone she wanted to surpass, and someone she despised at some point. The girl, of course, wouldn't want to admit that.

It was not Ushijima's existence which she hated. The word hate was a very strong one, and to associate it with someone's entirety was something she did not want to do. What she disliked about the male captain, however, was his words and actions- she found something she liked, and then he proceeded to try to convince her not to pursue it. She hated that being his friend, instead of supporting her, he wanted her to stop playing.

"We never talk," she muttered, and the young man just sighed before humming. "It's strange to suddenly be here with you."

"We used to hang out at this same park," he replied, making Hara widen her eyes before turning her head to him.

"Why would you-"

"You disappeared on me. You never said goodbye before you completely left. Ueno said you lived in Tokyo with your dad. I wasn't even able to say goodbye," Ushijima said, still not facing the girl.

She gripped on the chains of the swing she sat on. She didn't know he cared that much about her existence in his life. She thought if he could say such words to her, she didn't matter much to him. She didn't know that he actually wanted to say goodbye, if she were to leave. She realized at that moment that she never did know a lot about Ushijima Wakatoshi. There was a lot more to him than who she thought he was.

"I left because of you," she replied, licking her lower lip after as a habit of hers whenever she felt anxious.

Never did she imagine that a scenario like that would happen. She didn't know that there will come a time when she was going to speak to Ushijima like this, about the incident and about the children version of them. Did she even want to open up whatever the hell happened back then? But to talk about it might set both of them free, free from the hostility and the lingering resentment.

"I wanted to know why. And why you seemed like you were distant to me. Like your heart was stone whenever I was around. Or in the present case, to everyone," he said, now turning his head to look at the girl. "I'm not sure if I'm fond of how you're torturing yourself like this."

The way her dark hair shone because of the sunlight that grazed the strands, she looked unreal in his eyes. As if she was from a painting, or a distant memory that he cannot come back to. So out of reach, so close and far at the same time.

He could understand that she was not fond of interactions or was simply not knowledgeable on such actions, but he didn't get why she was running away from their class earlier. Why would someone like Watanabe Hara run away like that? Wasn't she supposed to be-

"I actually looked up to you as a kid, Ushijima. You had great potential, you were bound to soar into the skies, which proved to be true when you look at where you are right now. You've become really great at what you're doing. Both my parents are former aces of their own teams, they also played for Japan. I wanted to be like them, but you would always tell me not to play because I will only injure myself doing so. I felt like you were trying to stop me from reaching my goal, from pursuing one thing that made me feel like I was what I needed to be, and I was hurt. I also felt like being a child of my parents... it would be a disgrace if I didn't play well."

"At first it felt like a chore. I felt like the burden of being their child was heavy, and I really wanted to just live life without that sport. Watching you, I felt like it could be fun. But you would always tell me not to. I looked up to you. I wanted to be like you. Because of you, I actually really felt like I wanted to play not just because I had to reach the expectations of everyone, but because I really loved the sport. But then... your words. They would always pierce me. Not as hard at first, but slowly, until I had enough."

"My only solution to make myself feel better was to go away and train myself, to polish myself like a diamond as Coach Washijo would word it out, but in the process, I've lost the purpose of my youth. I hadn't experienced what it was like to hang out with friends after school, I was always going straight to my father's gym to practice with the athletes he was training. Heck, I didn't even know how it felt to have a friend. I did love volleyball so much that it became the only reason I felt I needed to be happy. I missed out on a lot of things because I was busy training and polishing myself to somehow prove you wrong and... maybe make you a bit proud that I was able to do it."

"I was told life happens when you're busy making other plans, and it was slapped on my face. It was right. I polished myself a stone heart in the process of trying to make a better version of myself. I'm sorry, if I ever made you feel like I hated you. I think I was just really hurt about what happened back then."

Hara looked down, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. The girl was so used to forcing down her emotions that it just bottled up inside her. She wanted to enjoy youth like the others did, but she didn't know how. Not with who she turned herself into. She felt like she wasted so many years of her life. She felt conflicted. She does love volleyball, but it became her whole world and she found that unhealthy.

Ushijima sighed after hearing her side of the story, standing up. This made the girl gaze up at him with furrowed brows due to confusion, but he just kept looking forwards.

"I apologize for everything I made you feel. It wasn't my intention to make you feel all those kinds of feelings. But I take responsibility for what I have said and done," Ushijima started, and then he turned his head to look at her. "But... Tendou was correct."

Hara didn't know what he was referring to, until it dawned on her. That conversation at the gym. She widened her eyes. His words were enough to make her speechless and she was frozen on her spot. How...? How did he know about the talk with Tendou?

"H-How?"

"I was there. I was listening," Ushijima replied, looking up at the sky. "You used to call me Wakatoshi."

"I-"

"Hara, if it's possible, can we start over?"