Memories

Ch. 17 - Insensible

Jungkook's P.O.V. 

Jungkook had spent the night on the couch. He didn't feel comfortable spending the night with any of the members since tensions were so high at the moment. The whole night he spent it tossing and turning, trying to sleep, but the image of Y/N with the new kid was driving him crazy. 

All the jealousy was eating at him.... well jealousy, regret, shame, pain... every negative emotion possible; and rightfully so. He knew he had fucked up, he knew that in the past he had made terrible mistakes that had hurt Y/N deeply, and he might never be able to trust Jungkook. However, Jungkook wanted to try, to try to make things right. He quickly got out of bed, and walked out of the dorm. Without thinking twice he left the dorms once more, but this time, he left in search for Y/N.  

The morning was cloudy, and it was obvious it was bound to rain soon. Everything look so gloomy and dark, it was like the weather was reflecting the way Jungkook felt inside. There were no words to explain how empty he felt. The way his emotions were hitting him, again, he felt like the day he ran away, but this time things would be different. He was going to own up to his mistakes, he was going to apologize to Y/N. 

As he continued to walk around the city aimlessly, trying to find out where could Y/N be, he stopped by a glass window. He had just noticed his reflection, and he had been crying the whole time. The whole time he had been walking, he didn't want to believe that his chance was over. He didn't want to accept the fact that the love of his life finally left him. He quickly wiped away his tears as he continued to walk, the wind blowing against his face. 

Suddenly the rain droplets started to fall, slowly falling faster. That's when he remembered the day Y/N had left, when Jungkook had poured out all of his emotions to him. How worried he was for the other, how many messages he had sent to him...

"Hey, I'm sorry for last night please forgive me?" 

"I know you are mad at me, and hate me, but please take care" 

"Make sure you eat today"

"Stay warm, It's cold out today" 

"I know I was evil to you in the past but I can chance, I change for you" 

Then he remembered the last text he sent before the accident. He began to cry, as he started to run. Not looking where, but just running. Voices in his head telling him that there was no point to this, that he shouldn't have come back. He should have stayed back, and never showed his face again. "STOP!" Jungkook shouted as he continued to run, he wasn't going to let himself turn back into the cowards he was before

"If my fate is to disappear, then this is my last letter"Jungkook began to mumble the last text message he had sent Y/N the day of his accident. "I know I was an asshole, no, I was evil to you and I deserve what I got...I'm just lost in this maze that's my heart" He continued as he ran. The rain now just coming down harder than before. His tears camouflaged under the rain. "Penned words, written the erased, feelings for you, so many to let go... It hurts, but as long as you are happy right ? To the person I loved too much I couldn't reach you, so I'll walk a separate path for that reason I'll say goodbye" 

By the time Jungkook was done reciting his text, he was in an open field. Rain still pouring down, and lightning could be heard every so often echoing in the distance. He slowly continued to walk, as he noticed a small figure in the middle of the field. The small figure looked more familiar the closer he got to it. Then it hit him "Y/N .... " Jungkook mumbled as he started to run towards him, only stopping a few feet away. Y/N back now facing him. 

"Y/N... listen... I want to apologize for everything I've done to you... There's not excused for any of them; all I can say is I love you but I didn't know how to handle loving someone, or liking anyone. I went about that the wrong way, and I hurt you so much, I've done unspeakable things to you, and I've done nothing but runaway, but I want to take responsibility for the things i've" Jungkook's voice broke with each word he spoke. "Please forgive me, and please... please... take me back ... give me another chance to prove to you I've changed, give me a chance to make all my wrongs right" Jungkook began to cry more, feeling his heart drop to his stomach. He hadn't been this vulnerable in such a long time. 

"I don't know what love is without you...I'll be down without you...In days like this, when it rains heavily like this I feel like you'd be back.... please come back to me" Jungkook continued to cry, as he fell down to his knees, completely broken down. 

Y/N slowly turned around, and looked down at Jungkook who just looked back at him in shock. Was he going to get a second chance. He slowly got up, smiling a little as he wiped away his tears. He slowly walked towards Y/N, and was going to pull him into a hug.... but as soon as he tried to reach for him, Y/N disappeared. 

Jungkook's eyes widened in shock, realizing that Y/N was never there. That he never got a chance to tell him all of this in person. As quickly as he had begun smiling, he broke down once more. "No!" He screamed loudly as a lightning echoed in the distance. He started to punch the ground in frustration, getting mud all over his hands and face. "Y/N... I love you!" He shouted once more before continuing to cry until passing out in the cold rain ....