Wandering Heart | YoonJinKook ✔️

19. Burning Truth

Seokjin's Pov:

"Then what exactly do you want, Seokjin? You don't want a divorce, you don't want us to talk about what's fucked up in our marriage, and you don't want to go to counseling. So what exactly do you want?"

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at Jungkook, who seemed frustrated and angry at the same time. "I-I will go for counseling. I want to fix this, and us, I don't want Jae to be affected by all of this."

"Okay, I am happy to hear that. I will set up an appointment with her and let you know when it is. Also, tomorrow I will take Jae to school and pick him up, so you don't have to worry about doing that." Jungkook said and walked out of the living room.

I got up and followed him, "W-where, are you going?"

"Back to the hotel, I am staying at."

"Are you really staying at a hotel? Why can't you stay here, I told you I don't want a divorce."

Jungkook walked over to me and looked at me, "Seokjin, seriously, I love you, more than I can ever put into words. Yes, I have had a fucked up way of showing it, but until you attend the first appointment with me, I won't think for a second about moving back home. We have a real issue here, and I am done masking it and pretending we are okay because we are not. You have some deep hidden anger within you towards me. You hate me for cheating, and it's clear you blame me for other things. Until we start working through those things, I think it's best I stay at a hotel."

I looked at him and shake my head, "Right, make me feel like it's me; that's the problem while you go to this 'hotel' and do what you do best."

"Seokjin, I am not seeing anyone when I leave here, well besides Namjoon, if I need to."

I looked at him as panicked took over, "D-does Namjoon know about us? Does he know that you are not living here?"

Jungkook stated silent, he didn't respond to me.

"You told him?! Why would you do that?"

"Because I need someone to talk to Seokjin, I am human, and I can't bear to hold everything within me and pretend as though I am fine, I can't do it. You can do that, even if it's killing you, you can hold it, and allow it to suffocate you, but I can't. I need to talk out the shits that's going on in our life, and since you don't ever want to talk about shit, I have to find someone else who wants to listen to me. I am not the perfect husband you paint me to your friends and family as we don't have a perfect family either, we got real shit, and our marriage is falling apart because of it. So, if your worry is going to be if Namjoon knows we are fighting or not, you are worried about the wrong things, and I am so tired of it."

I looked at him and let of out a heavy sigh, "then if you are so tired, let's get a divorce, why even bother with counseling, you don't want us, you don't want this. You prove that to me when you cheated, so why fake it anymore, you want me to stop pretending, right? So let's do that, let's get a divorce Jungkook. I am done, we are done. You ruined my life, I regret five things in my life-"

"Jin, stop!" Jungkook said, cutting me off, and I glared at him.

"Don't tell me to stop; let me talk about the things that have been on my mind since you always so desperately want to know. The first regret I have was meeting you, the second was getting pregnant, the third was not aborting Jae when I had the chance, the fourth was accepting you as my husband, and the fifth was being foolish to get pregnant for you again and not leaving you after our daughter died. And trust me if I find out I am pregnant for you again, it will only add to the regrets I have in my life."

Jungkook stood in front of me, his eyes wide open, completely silent.

"Wow, who knew you could-"

The voice that cut me off made me weak to my knees, "A-appa?" Jae's voice calls out to me, and I could tell without turning to look that my son was crying.

"You are mentally fucked up," Jungkook said, pushing past me and going towards Jae.

"A-are you and Appa getting a divorce?" I heard my son asked as tears rolled down my cheeks, I couldn't turn to look at him. I couldn't believe I had said all of that with him around, what had I done?

"No, son, we are not; Appa is upset with me right now, but we are not getting a divorce, okay, baby?"

"Are you sure? And what does aborting mean?"

Hearing my son asked that I just wanted to be buried six feet under, I had spoken in anger, and he heard it all.

"Yes, daddy is sure. A-abort son, umm what you Appa meant you see w-was, it's kind of umm, like when we play video games together and I say 'abort the mission' well, Appa was planning something for you and I stopped him, so he was telling me just now that he regrets aborting the plans he had for your birthday." Jin could hear the suffering in Jungkook's voice as he spoke.

"But why you making Appa abort the plans for my birthday, I want to have a big party with my friends and cousins."

"I know you do, son, and I will make sure Appa doesn't stop his plans for you, okay?"

"Okay, daddy, thank you. Appa, are you okay?"

"Y-yes, I am fine, Jae," I told him, not being able to turn and face him.

"Listen, son, your Appa, and I need to talk about some stuff, go back to bed okay, and don't come out until I come up there, okay?"

"Okay, daddy." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding when I heard Jae's footsteps running up the stairs.

Jungkook appeared in front of me with tears in his eyes, "I know I fucked up, but damn, I never expected for your thoughts to be so deadly. He is our fucking son Seokjin! How could you say something like that?"

"Were you thinking about him when you were out there cheating? Of course, I know what I said was fucked up, but Jungkook have you ever really thought about the damage you caused in my life? You want me to understand your pain, but who the fuck understands mine? I lost a daughter I was looking forward to having, I lost my father, I lost my husband, but no matter what I stayed faithful to you! You lost your daughter, and you became so vulnerable that you cheated the first chance you got. Then you want to talk about how I handled my pain and my grief?

Everyone Jungkook, everyone warned me against marrying you, they told me I was too young, you were going to eventually cheat on me, I gave up friendships, relationships with my family all for you. You think I don't want to talk about my problems? Seriously, do you think I enjoy burying myself in them, but who am I going to talk to when I threw dirt in their face defending your cheating lying ass?

Jungkook you were my first and only love, you destroyed that, you wrecked me. Do you have any idea what it felt like to be grieving and then have your husband being Seoul's whore? And your fucking excuse is that I was ignoring you?

You ignored me for two full years, and not once, not once have I ever cheated on you during those times. I kept hoping and believing you would come around, but I ignored you for one year, and you stuck your dick into the first available guy you met. How did that help with you grieving the loss of our daughter? Please share it with me because I would like to know.

Did you feel good wiping your son's tears just now and sending him off to bed after I became the bad guy? Well, guess what, there were many nights I had to play that role when he wanted to know where you were and when you were coming home, something I never had the answer to.

You want us to fix this, you need to be real with yourself, stop making up excuses, and face the truth, you betrayed our marriage, you broke our vows. You are now only reaping what you sowed."