Wandering Heart | YoonJinKook ✔️

31. Rebuild

Eight months later

Seokjin's Pov:

You don't let go of something because it's broken, especially when it's what your heart wants. I think if I learned anything from going to therapy, it was that, along with not shutting people out just because I am hurting, particularly those who care about me and who I claim to love.

Therapy as a whole taught me a lot, some of the things I wish I had considered and thought of before making the decisions I made. Sadly, you can't ever go back and fix things, I wish I had that opportunity, but unfortunately, life does not work that way.

The good news is though life somehow favored me to provide me with the opportunity to have a second chance. Jungkook and I weren't a hundred percent back together, but things were going well between us.

We had decided to start off fresh, date, and bring more understanding between us, rather than rush into things. We had to come to an agreement that we had two beautiful kids who our behavior and decisions in the past impacted.

I had already exposed them to another relationship, Jae had not only known Jungkook, but he knew of Yoongi. I didn't want my kids thinking life was a game, or have my behavior and choices change their perception of me or have a different view of what a family was meant to be.

While Jungkook and I kept our battle ongoing, I think we were sometimes blinded by how the choices we were making were affecting our kids, primarily Jae. So, to avoid giving him false hope that maybe there was a chance of his parents getting back together, along with our daughter, we kept things hidden between us.

The kids still went to his house when it was his time, and they stayed with me when it was my turn. Whenever we wanted to go on a date or do anything, Jimin and Taehyung, or Namjoon and Hoseok, were able to babysit for us.

To date someone you were once married to is weird because you know them, you understand them, but you also discover different things in the process. Such as the growth you didn't acknowledge, the changes in their features that happened over time, their scent that you thought was never changing, suddenly was different. You complimented them on their effort to dress up and prepare for a date, something that disappeared as we grew in our marriage in the past.

I think dating Jungkook; I had learned to appreciate him a lot more than I did when we initially met and even in our earlier years of being married. I now recognize the efforts he used to put into things; I never actually took notice of it. Like how he plans out every detail of our dates, how punctual he was, his attention to detail, not missing the smallest things, things I often missed or took for granted.

Sitting across from him and looking at him, I had to ask myself, how did we allow ourselves to get to the point to where we had gotten, there was no doubt I loved the man before me. But, it shows even the strongest love can be broken down, by the things we don't believe we have to question, we ultimately think it's a given it will be there, but the truth is it's not only required and needed to keep a marriage and a family going but staying true to them is crucial.

Those things being communication, compromise, and commitment, those were the three C's I learned about in therapy and the importance of focusing on them throughout a relationship. Communication was destroyed in our marriage very early on; it was torn down by our selfishness and the break down of trust.

Compromise was a significant lack between the two of us and another thing that was destroyed due to us being selfish. I didn't consider his feelings and his way of grieving; I was focused on me. When he found an outlet, he chose to be selfish and destroy our vows.

Neither of us showed each other, we were committed to progressing forward, and even when we did, we were standing in different directions, not daring to move. I wanted things my way, denying the truth that was before me, and he was wanted things his way while suffocating me with the truth I didn't want to admit.

Overall I realize, when you love someone, it's not just about saying it; it's about showing them and working through the biggest and most challenging obstacles together, and if you are not willing to do that, there will be issues.

Relationships take a lot of building, restructuring; like a house, it needs a strong foundation to continue standing, but everything thing that makes it up is essential, the windows, the roof, etc. And patchwork does not fix anything, I was making patches, while he was making more holes and more damages. The bigger the holes, the fewer patches I had, and the less I was able to hold things together, I then gave up and started making holes too, destroying the structure even more, until it all fell apart.

This home, this thing we had built, we didn't care for it in the way we should have, and therefore, here we are rebuilding from the ground up. Using materials that could be recycled, the good ones, the strong ones, like our love for each other that were never lost while incorporating new materials. Such as appreciating one other, seeing the efforts, we neglected to acknowledge before in the old home we had built and strengthening the trust that had been severely destroyed.

We now moved on from only thinking of ourselves and our pains, and incorporated the thoughts of our kids. We are taking accountability for how our actions together as parents will impact them in the future. Those things are allowing us to build not only a healthier and stronger home but one where our kids will forever feel secure and at safety.

I think this time with having a clearer vision of what we want, knowing what it feels like to be broken and having to rebuild, we will do a better job, and take better care of our hearts, not allowing it to wander as it has before. 

At nights I lay in bed, and before I fall asleep, I say a thank you, because I know what we are able to do, many never had the chance to do. I don't know how either one of us got this lucky, to be given a second chance at loving the person we never stop loving, even after allowing our hearts to wander to places it never belonged.

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THE END!

Probably not the ending one was looking for, but it's the ending that I believe was most fitting for such a book.

I will, in the upcoming weeks, add one Epilogue chapter from Jungkook's Pov, and that will be it.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed, and I look forward to taking you on another journey, with another book soon.