her and much more / joe mazzello

seventeen

joe played with paisley on the living room floor while vivian was at the grocery store.

"i'm very happy that you're feeling better." he smiled at his girl.

"da..ddy." she held up one of her toys for joe.

"thank you." he looked around and handed her one in return.

paisley smiled and hugged that teddy bear tight.

"hey you two!" vivian came in with her arms full.

"hey!" joe popped up and grabbed most of them for her.

"thank you." she smiled at joe.

"so..i've been thinking about something." joe turned to vivian.

"okay?"

"let me put paisley down cause i know she's tired then i'll come back and we can talk, okay?"

"are you sure you don't want me to? you've been with her all day.."

"it's fine. you know i love and take care of her as if she was my own." vivian admired that about joe. he brought paisley in, no questions asked.

joe carried paisley on his hip all the way up to her room. "nap time!"

"i no tied." paisley said as she yawned.

"mmhmmm." joe laughed and sat with her in the rocking chair as she laid on his chest.

"da?"

"what baby?"

"i seep." she was out like a light a few minutes later.

joe laid her down in the crib and made sure to tuck her in. "i'll be back in a little bit, angel."

he made his way down the stairs to meet vivian who was still putting groceries away and organizing as she went. "hey babe! paisley asleep?"

"out like a light." joe smiled to himself.

"so what'd you want to talk about?" she smiled before turning back to what she was doing. joe started to pitch in.

"how..how would you feel about..gahh..i want to just come out and say it but."

"you can ask me anything. you know that right?"

"yeah..i just don't know what you'd say." he shut the cabinet he was working on before moving to put the refrigerated items away.

"you never know until you ask." vivian smirked.

"okay, fine. how would you feel about having another baby. welp-for you another-i'm..god i'm so stupid." joe huffed. "how would you feel about having a kid together in the future? there we go.." he mumbled the last part.

"it's a no from me." vivian stretched to put a box of cereal on top of the fridge.

"wait..you're serious? like you..wouldn't want another?" joe shut the fridge and looked at vivian.

"i just don't see it." joe felt his heart sink. he loved kids. he loved paisley. he loved his nieces and nephews. he wanted one of his own.

"oh.." joe tried not to sound hurt. "okay. that's fine."

"you hate me now..." vivian took notice.

"no..i don't hate you. i never could. i just kind of hoped that we could make plans for the future. but i respect you and your decisions, you know that."

"come here." she opened her arms. joe shook his head.

"i'm sorry i asked."

"don't you dare apologize."

"i just thought." joe shrugged.

"my mind will change maybe 50 more times between now and the next month."

"okay." he nodded.

"joe..?" he was already heading up the stairs to their shared bedroom. joe noticed a list of names he was hoping to use one day that he dug up from a year or so ago.

girls:

madeline renee mazzello
willow jean mazzello
virginia lyn mazzello (for mom)

boys:

thomas joseph mazzello (for dad)
benjamin fletcher mazzello
lucas harold mazzello

"what's the point?" he thought and crumbled it up for the trash can. he knew that he'd move on but it stung because him and vivian talked about the future and what they'd want just
the night before. he was hoping to continue that and get a little more of what they would potentially share.

"joe?" vivian came into the room.

"what?" joe glanced up from where he sat on the bed.

"i'm sorry."

"you shouldn't be apologizing. i'm not forcing you to change your mind because of how i felt. we both had different opinions on the situation."

vivian took notice at the newly crumbled up piece of paper but wanted to wait till joe left to look at it. "if there were a baby in our future, what would you prefer?" she sat next to joe and looked up at him

"whatever as long as it's healthy. but..a boy if you really want the answer. we already have a girl so a boy would be another adventure."

"you've got a point."

"like..if it were a boy i'd so get him into dinosaurs and teach him all about them! then maybe..just maybe, ben would be able to be that cool uncle for him. maybe help teach him how to be a heartthrob since i'd be his dad. because i'm definitely not a great looking guy. ben could give him the ropes. i have no clue how i won you over..but still. then i know for a fact that you and i would teach him how to treat everyone and make sure he knows his manners, how to treat a lady, and all of that really."

"you've thought about this."

"i've wanted a baby of my very own for as long as i can remember." joe instantly felt bad because paisley was like his own. "paisley is definitely my own, but i'd want to go through the whole pregnancy and the birth. i'd want to tell you to stay in bed at 3am and that i've got the last night feeding. i'd want to experience the skin on skin contact. i just..it's so hard to explain because i feel like i'm bringing up everything that paisley isn't to me but.." he ran his hand through his hair. "i love that little girl but ive got so much love in my heart for another." they were interrupted by joe's phone ringing.

"i'll take that as gwil and ben are here?"

"yeah..i don't know if they're going to want to do anything after wrapping up at the studio, but i'll let you know." joe kissed vivian's cheek before heading out.

"bye, i love you!"

"love you too." she heard him call back.

vivian sighed and reached for the crumbled up paper. "madeline...virginia..thomas.." she straightened out the paper to make everything legible. "for mom, for dad..."

vivian felt the guilt creep in because she knew joe wanted another kid more than anything. she just didn't feel ready to bring another child into the world at the moment. she felt like this could make or break what they had going.