summer romance (e.d.)

thirty-two

ethan

it's embarrassing to have anna see me trembling like a dog who just had a run in with a loud vacuum as we walk silently down the beach ramp.

"doing okay?" she asks softly as we get half way there.

surprisingly, i am. i'm okay. so i nod in her direction.

the loud noises from the beach make me anxious, but then i feel anna's presence beside me.

"just a bit more," she whispers, and i hear the smile in her voice. "that's it, ethan. just a little bit more."

when i'm nearing the spot where i quit last time, it all comes flooding back.

the blurriness, the shakes, the memories, everything.

before i can tell anna that we have to turn back, i feel her grab my hand.

hers is soft and warm and fits perfectly in mine, which calms me down immediately.

at least enough to feel the strength to take the two steps that i wasn't able to last time.

my feet feel heavy as they step down once. then twice.

i hold my breath as i feel the squishy sand underneath me.

trauma and grief are weird, i've learned.

they represent themselves in very weird ways, and seem impossible to get over.

but i just did.

it feels like a million bricks is lifted off my shoulders as i stand tall and take yet another step out further into the sand.

i hear anna's happy giggle beside me, and feel a grin spread widely on my own face.

and pretty soon i'm running, dragging anna with me, still holding on tightly to her hand.

air courses through my lungs as i run away from everyone else, just loving the feeling of being free again.

anna continues to laugh happily as she runs with me, and i stop at the point where the water just laps over our feet.

i turn to her, seeing her faint outline in the dim moonlight. but her smile is as clear as ever.

"ethan, do you know what you just did?" she asks.

the feeling of overcoming something you never thought you would seems like life's greatest gift at the moment, and i can only nod and smile.

"oh my god," i finally get out, tugging at the tips of my hair. "i'm on the beach. and i'm not crying."

she giggles, wrapping her arms around me tightly. "i'm so proud of you. i know how hard this was, and i want to let you know that i feel really special that you allowed me to help you."

i don't know how to tell her that she was the one that made me want to come out here, so i say nothing.
instead, i enjoy the hug and wrap my arms tighter, just loving the feeling of her so close to me.

when we both pull away from the embrace, we find ourselves just looking at each other. the waves crash in the background, and i feel a push of adrenaline in my bones.

a chant makes anna turn her head back in the direction of the beach.

"5... 4... 3... 2..." everyone yells, building suspense.

"aw that's so cool they're counting down the fireworks—"

"...1!"

before i can convince myself not to, i lean in just as she turns her head back to me.

to my slight surprise, anna doesn't hesitate to find my lips in the dark.

sometimes in life, there are emotional fireworks, and other times there are literal fireworks.

tonight just happened to contain both.

it feels like a million sparklers run through my veins, pulsing through me with the best energy as anna and i's lips move in sync.

a bright, loud firework dissolves into a million pieces above us, casting yellow light on her face as she pulls slightly away, and smiles.

my breaths come out short and heavy and i lean my forehead against hers, not being able to tear away from her eyes.

"something's wrong," she frowns, taking a step back.

and then everything falters. "wait...wait what?"

a small smile returns to her face. "it was timed off, ethan. i think we can get this next one better."

i laugh, relieved, and turn my attention to the sky. just then, i spot another firework being shot up.

so i place my hands on anna's hips, pulling her closer to me. she smiles up at me, and watches the firework from the corner of her eye.

it explodes right as we kiss, perfect timing.

shouts of praise and clapping can be heard from farther down the beach, and it scares me for a moment before i remember that they're yelling for the fireworks, not because they're creepily watching us.

anna laughs a little, wrapping her arms loosely around my neck and resting her head on my chest.

i simply stare out at the water and the sky, letting myself feel good and accomplished for once.

"anna?" i whisper.

"hm?"

"break up with your boyfriend. i'm bored."

"shut up," i feel muffled giggles against my chest. "i... i ended things with liam earlier tonight."

i pull back so i can see her face. "wait... actually?"

she stares up at me. "yeah. i did."

out of fear of saying something stupid, i just stay silent. we can talk more about it later, but for now i just want to watch the sky show.

so we sit down on the dry sand, she leans her head on my shoulder. i tilt my head so it rests gently on hers.

we watch the fireworks go off continually, and whenever she sees one that she really likes, she points and smiles.

"that one," anna says after a bright, glittery, white one dissolves in the air, leaving crackles behind.

"your favorite?" i ask.

"yeah."

"i liked the blue one a couple minutes ago."

"that one sucked," she scoffs.

"did not!"

"did too!"

"anddd back to normal programming," i chuckle.

but a light and feathery kiss to my cheek tells me otherwise.