𝐵𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊: C.B

ℭ𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 1

⚠️Please read:⚠️Mentions of abuse and self harm are mentioned. I will put a warning before the paragraph and tell you when it ends. If any of those trigger you please don't read those parts. Thank you.

My ears rung as thousands of screams were heard all around me. this was it.. my second ever world tour. kicking off the show in the heart of la where i currently lived. I had made it. Tears welled up in my eyes as i looked around to see thousands upon thousands of happy,ecstatic faces, some even crying. They were all here.. For me. But something stung my heart because despite all this i still had a heavy feeling in my heart. I still felt.. empty.

"THANK YOU" i screamed out into the crowd waving as they erupted into thousands of screams and a choruses of "we love yous" soon followed. Sweat dripped down my face as i waved once more before running off stage. My manager handed me a bottle of water but not before hyping me up on how well i did. "You killed it out there girl, i'm so damn proud of you" my manager Thalia cried. "Yoo you did sick you killed it sista" Alfie my opener complimented. "Thank you" i beamed at both of them as i gulped down the bottle of water then collapsed into the small black couch in the green room. "cmon girlie get changed then off to LAS VEGAS!!" "YEEEE LV BOUTTA BE LITT" Alfie screamed. I lauged at the both of them then quickly hoped off the couch throwing on the comfiest pair of clothes i had before dashing to the bus. No fans were outside to my surprise but i didn't really mind as i was exhausted and it being 2am and oddly enough la raining could also be why. This was my first show in MONTHS. Re-learning all my choreography to my songs really took a toll on me. I couldn't wait to sleep.

I went to the little bathroom in the bus and took a quick shower. I stripped down and looked down at my body. I HATED my figure with a passion. it reminded me of my past that i am so desperately trying to forget.

⚠️TW⚠️

I looked in the reflection of the mirror and saw the multiple scars and bruises on my lower right hip, some on my upper arms, some on all places of my legs and wrists. Some self inflicted and others being what my father inflicted on me. I hated seeing them everyday. i tried using makeup but it took too long to cover up so now i just always cover up only using makeup to cover them if i was being forced to wear a dress to some award show. i sighed before stepping in the shower and let the steaming hot water drip down my skin making me feel slightly better. I got out, dried myself then put my pyjamas on deciding to just let my hair air dry.

⚠️ End of TW⚠️

Wanting nothing more than to just curl up in a ball and go to bed i headed out of the bathroom saying goodnight to both Thalia and Alfie then went straight into my dimly lit bunk, putting in my AirPods and just layed down wondering how i went from being a small town girl growing up in the small town of Oxford to now pursing my dream career singing in front of thousands of people who all looked up to me.. The music slowly faded away as i slipped into a deep slumber