The Scars ✓

Thirty Two

Dear Diary,

Love. Such a simple four letter word but such a complex feeling. I wonder how people gather the guts to fall in love with a complete stranger. I've spent my entire life only loving the things that I've seen or people I have known for a long time. It terrifies me to even think of falling for someone that I hardly know. I know times have changed and that people tend to lay their hearts out on a platter for people to play with but I am not them. I've never thought about having a boyfriend. Never had my first kiss. Never done the things that almost every girl my age has done.

Call it a conservative brown girl approach or whatever but it is very difficult for me to fathom that you can love someone temporarily. That isn't what love is for me. Love is supposed to last till eternity with just one person. It doesn't change with different people at different ages or places.

I actually don't know whether it's me whose thoughts about love are old school or the rest of the people have moved miles away from the actual concept of it. I really want to meet another human who thinks about it the way I do so that I am reassured that I'm not the only one with this ideology.

I don't know how my love story will be or if it will be or not, I just know that I'd want it the classic, old school type. I want a love story that consumes me. It should give me not just those simple butterflies but the whole damn jungle; and the most important thing should be that the contemporary thought of the 'falling out of love' shouldn't exist. The guy that I decide on, should just be loyal to me and love me as fiercely as I will love him. There's not much that I expect from him, but the things I do, don't exist in the guys these days. They all are more focused on those cheap one night stands with women they hardly know or the summer flings that they have with girls they meet for such a short notice.

I also do not understand the love that is portrayed in the movies. They never show the 'happy ever after.' I think why we are never shown that is because the creators don't want the bubble of a fictional love story to get popped by the reality of what follows. No relationship is perfect, I get that. I know there are risks and to have a story, you need to risk a lot of things, but the real question is, will you? I wouldn't. It is so scary to think about giving your heart out to someone only to be given back to you, in pieces. I feel movies can never be transposed to real life situations. Life is not a fiction. It will never be rainbows and unicorns forever. Every relation has ups and downs and the love stories that survive this are the ones that become eternal.

I really wish for a guy who would not be afraid to embrace our troughs as well as he'll embraces the crests of our relationship. A guy who doesn't believe in showing off to the world of how much he loves me only that he does because he does.

I am a simple girl who'll love a burnt toast made with love over an expensive dinner without it. I just want someone who feels the same.

***

All this while, Kiara kept thinking about her parents and grandparents and how lucky they were to have their significant other. She re-read her journal and once satisfied with what she had penned down, kept it back in its place and went to bed.

Soon, it was a new academic year for Kiara. She was promoted to her new class with a bunch of new faces she had never seen before. She was in her senior year of middle school and could not wait to see what that would be like. She did miss her old class group sitting on the same spot and talking their way through different classes but she was ready for a fresh start and to make new friends.

The first week went by in a haze with Kiara understanding her teachers and subjects that seemed a little confusing. After the initial excited phase went away and the school started to get back to its normalcy, Kiara had started gelling well in her new class with new classmates. She felt a little more comfortable as some of her friends from her previous class were still with her, if not all. They still used to hang out during lunch and other common periods or met each other in the corridors.

One afternoon, Kiara hopped off the bus started walking towards her home but she started feeling weird. As she stood by her entrance, she noticed that the house was unusually silent. The usual sound of the television that filled the house wasn't there, nor were her mother or younger sister. She only had her house help who didn't know where anyone else was. Kiara got a little worried which added to the uneasy feeling that she had been feeling. She went to her room, and immediately dialled her mother's phone number to enquire about where she and Alia were.

When her mother picked up the phone, Kiara said, "Hello? Mom, where are you? I just got home and neither of you were home. Is everything okay?"

"I am at your paternal grandma's home."

"What are you doing there?" Kiara said with a frown on her face.

Ignoring her question, Vrinda said, "Listen? Your uncle is coming to pick you up so please come with him over here as soon as he arrives."

"Okay mom." Kiara said and ended the call. The conversation only added to her feeling weird and was replaced by anxiety and fear. Vrinda had never been so vague with her before and it scared her to think of any negative thoughts that were now brewing in her mind, especially with her paternal grandmother being involved.

Soon after Kiara kept the phone down, she heard the doorbell ring. She ran to the door to see who it was and saw her uncle standing there.

"Hey Kiddo, did you have a word with your mom?" He asked.

"Yes, I did, Uncle C. She didn't tell me anything though, just that I had to come with you."

"Oh, alright. Well, I'll be in the car." He said when Kiara told him to give her some time so that she could change her clothes and then they could go to her grandma's house. They left a few minutes later and the whole car ride was filled with Kiara's questions to which she received the same answer, "You'll see."

As soon as her grandmother's house came into view, her mind could not make sense of the surrounding. She saw, from her car's window that almost all people wearing white or a shade of white clothes. She could hear crying voices from within the house and there was only one emotion she felt, fear. She got curious to know what was happening inside the house. As soon as her uncle parked his car in the driveway, she got out and rushed inside to see what was going on in there.

The moment she entered the room, she saw someone covered with a white sheet on the ground. The next person she looked up to was her father, and her entire blood froze when she saw what was in front of her eyes. She turned pale and all she could see was Arjun's eyes that were red and puffy and he was literally crying like a small child.

Kiara slowly approached him, completely confused and scared as she had never seen this side of her father ever before. She always had thought that her father was the bravest man who never knew what tears were. He was a rock for her and to see him cry made her start to cry too.

Seeing him so vulnerable and meek, she asked him, "What happened Dad? Why are you crying so badly?"

Arjun looked up from where his eyes were focused on and smiled slightly, when he realised Kiara was in front of her. He couldn't form any coherent sentences and looked over at Vrinda once before his body began to quiver again.

In between his sobs, all he could say was, "Y-your... m-my f-..." and looked over at the corpse that lay before everyone. Kiara was very confused and did not know who that could be. Everyone that was close to her were there, alive and it took her a while to say anything because Arjun's state had left her shattered.

She looked around once again and noticed that in fact, there was someone missing from the people. To confirm her suspicion, she went to Vrinda and sat down beside her, eyes full of tears. She could not bear to see her parents cry like that. She had never seen this before. All she felt was utter sadness.

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