It's not over yet (sequal to IRTGU, TMNT Donnie fanfiction)(Discontinued)

All my fault

Donnie's POV

I couldn't believe it. My baby brother. My sweet, innocent little baby brother, on the verge of death.... Because of me. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't take it. I broke down crying, sobbing my eyes out. I looked at his bruised and bleeding face. He looked so peaceful, but peace was far from the reality of the situation. I gently laid my fingers on his cheek, trailing them across his bruises, down to his plastron. I looked back up to his face as more tears fell. I gently put my arms arounf my little brother's neck and laid my head on his chest, being extremely careful not to hurt him. I closed my eyes and sobbed onto his plastron.

"Mikey...." I whispered, "I-I'm so s-sorry..."

Suddenly, I felt someone grip the top of my shell from behind and rip me away from him forcefully. I yelped as Raph threw me away from him.

"You stay the fuck away from him!" He ordered. I glared at him, though the tears were still falling.

"I can help! I can make him better!" I shot back

"HE WOULDN'T EVEN BE LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE IF YOU WOULD'VE HELPED EARLIER!" He shouted at me. That just hurt even more.

"I CAN HELP NOW THOUGH! I CAN GET HIM BETTER AGAIN! PLEASE, I NEED TO FIX THIS!" I begged. I was so pathetic.

"NO! JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! WE'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH OF YOUR 'HELP' TODAY, OR LACK-THERE-OF!" Raph shouted, hatred in his eyes. I looked to Leo helplessly. He just glared at me and turned back to Mikey. I turned to Splinter. He merely glanced between my brothers and I before turning back to Mikey. That tore my heart in half completely. Even my father wanted nothing to do with me right now. He too was mad at me. I bit my bottom lip to keep from sobbing again before I ran to my room and locked the door behind me. I fell down onto my bed and cried into my pillow.

"I'm such an idiot!" I sobbed, wanting to just disappear forever. I was nothing more than a problem.

I sniffled as I sat up. I looked around my room. I looked for something, anything, that I could possibly use to do some damage. I spotted a few Kunai knives on my desk. I sniffed again and got up, walking over to them.I picked them up and examined the fine blades. I lightly touched the tip of one with my finger. The voice that I dreaded so much before I met Lily was back. I glanced down at my shoulder when I thought of Lily. I looked at my scar from the bullet her dad shot at me. I thought about how much I sacrificed for her. Why didn't I do the same for my brother? I looked back at the knives, gently gliding my finger from one blade to the next, nut not cutting my skin. I thought about all Lily had done for me to get this all away from me. The negativity. The pain. And here it was, coming back. Here efforts had been in vain. I let my tears continue to fall as the voice spoke to me for the first time in a very long time.

"Pathetic, that's all you are. A useless, waste of time...." My own voice whispered in my ear. I bit my lip, not letting myself say anything, trying vaguely to push the voice away.

"Good-for-nothing, dumbass, whimp...." The insults never stopped. I sighed and gave up. I stopped trying to push the voice in my mind  away, and, in a way, welcomed it back. I couldn't do it, the voice was right. I served no purpose. I couldn't do anything right.

"So, you actually thought you might be worth something? To anyone? Ha! Don't make me laugh you little bastard, just embrace it, nobody wants you anymore...." It said. I got a thought.

"G...." I said quietly.

"Ha! You really think G cares about you?! She's just using you to get Ed back!" The voice laughed sardonically.

"No she's not!" I shouted, not caring if anyone heard me. The voice in my mind laughed. How could my own head get these twisted images and thoughts?