Hey J...a bit random but erm I guess an email address would be fine..
sierra_french88@gmail.com
I read this message over and over, both excited and shocked that Sierra had actually replied. She probably wondered, why I asked for her email address and not phone number, I thought to myself. Truth be told, my life, currently, was too complicated. Email was better. Less drama. This was now or never. I clicked on the reply option and instantly began typing:
Dear Sierra, I've been trying to put the words together for a very long time now but I never knew where to start. My life has never gone the way I planned it, which goes for everyone but I made stupid mistakes along the way that left me in holes I can't get out of.
You were my first PROPER crush. I was actually shocked you liked me. Even now I can't believe I was even be able to be in your space.
Was that too much? I re-read what I had written so far, worried that I was pouring out my heart to her. A part of me, thought that it was pathetic for me to expose my feelings like that, but the other side of me needed to release my true feelings for Sierra. I'd been lying to myself for a long time now. Fighting off urges to contact her. Satisfied that I was doing the right thing, I continued typing:
Sierra, something you have to understand is that, back then, I felt pressured, like I had to catch up with the guys. Back in school, I didn't have the confidence as it was. I didn't want to be in a relationship. Then I ended up in a "relationship" which was more pressured on me because I was being misleading. It never seemed like a problem until you asked me if I was seeing someone. Which was wrong on my side.
For the past few years I've been doing everything in my power to not contact you. All I keep thinking about is you. All the time and sometimes I don't know if it's the guilt or me hating I can't have you.
You will be the One who got away. I messed up with you and I will live the rest of my life with that regret. But I want you to know I'm greatful for every moment we had together. I want you to know that you are one of the most beautiful women I've met and I'll never forget your smile and stare.
This is not me worming my way to get back into your life but if you really need someone when there is no one to turn to. Message me. Love J x
I forced myself to stop. I felt like there was so much more I needed to say. How are you? Are you seeing anyone? Do you ever think about our time? Do you miss me? But I had to resist the urge of sounding like a complete weirdo. I was fighting demons here! Then I remembered the email needed a subject. I started typing 'Dear Sierra'. I took a deep breath and clicked the send button. Opening Spotify on my phone, I went to my playlist and pressed the shuffle button. Usher's U Make Me Wanna blazed through my JBL Extreme speakers. The irony! I couldn't help but crack a smile. I found myself unintentionally, taking a trip down memory lane, thinking back to the good old school days. And just like that, I felt like that smitten school boy all over again.
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Hidden Desires
RomanceResisting Temptation is a lot easier said than done. Fighting the uncontrollable urges to visit an old flame, is almost an impossible task to do. From visiting the past like an old friend, to exploring adulthood. Reminiscing about being young, slim...
