Hidden Desires

May 2020: First Of All Wow

Waking up for the 3rd time to use the loo, I rolled my eyes and glanced over at Paul, who was fast asleep, snoring away without a care in the world. I'd been seeing Paul for a couple months now, and would often spend the night at his. He was a sweet and caring guy. However, his intense snoring often kept me up most nights, leading me to experience sleepless nights. We got on pretty well, but it was still early days. Back into bed, I glanced at the time on my phone. 2:56am. Immediately, I noticed an email notification sent over 2 hours ago. Jaime. My heart began racing immensely. Only then, did I notice my breathing had become somewhat shallow. Suddenly, I realised how quiet the bedroom had become. I shone my phone light over at Paul, who was now awake and staring at me with a puzzled look on his face.
"What you doing?", Paul demanded rubbing his eyes.
"Nothing just reading an email from work", I replied quickly, lying through my teeth, without any hesitation.
"Hmm, okay. You alright?", Paul asked whilst getting back into his usual sleeping position.
"Yeah I'm fine. Go back to sl-" I hadn't even finished my sentence, when the roaring sounds of Paul's snoring filled the room once again. Shaking my head in disbelief, I began to think about how I'd respond to Jaime's intriguing email.

Realising that I dozed off, I picked up my phone on my chest, and began typing. Waves of emotions, came over me. Memories of secondary school flooded right before me, yet sadness filled me, almost instantly. Realising that Jaime and I, once had feelings for one another, was one thing, but that we both never had the courage to admit it, was truly heartbreaking. How different could things have been? Would we still be together? Married perhaps? So many questions ran through my mind that I had no answers to. I must have read Jaime's email at least 5 times over and over again and each time, I was even more astonished at his level of transparency and most importantly honesty. I was completely and utterly lost for words to say the least. Jaime was telling me all that I wanted to hear, but unfortunately it was just 16 years too late. Although, I would forever hold a special place in my heart for Jaime Stewart, I no longer had strong feelings reserved for him nor had any interests in entertaining this. Especially since, according to social media, Jaime now had 4 kids and was in a committed relationship. So why now? Why me? However, I would be lying if I said that a tiny part of me wasn't both flattered and curious to find out more. I continued typing away, until I felt satisfied that I had replied to his email in depth. Having a final read over, I glimpsed over at the time, 4:16am, and hit the send button. Deciding to read my reply once more, I opened the sent folder in my email, took a deep breath and began reading:

Hey J!

First of all wow!

I don't even know what to say. I didn't expect that at all. I'm really shocked to hear you say I was your first crush and wished you would have trusted me enough to tell me.

I'm not sure why you didn't feel confident enough to believe I had feelings for you at the time, because I did. Every since secondary school. It had always been you. However, I can only sympathise, as confidence was an issue for me back then also.

I always had a crush for you. Just never believed in a million years, that you actually liked me back the same way.

Jaime, I'll always have a soft spot for you in my heart. I'll forever cherish my year 11 leaving book with your messages from "your one and only"  because that you really were.

I had ended the email by wishing Jaime all the best and success in life and to keep in touch. Closing my eyes to get some much needed sleep, I couldn't help but to think about Jaime Stewart. The one who got away. Replaying the words from his email, I began imagining his thick, heartshaped, pink lips gently sucking unto my bottom lip. I fantasised about his large hands fumbling with my equally large breasts, and exploring my fully now grown woman's body. Carried away in the moment, I let out a soft moan and simultaneously felt my French knickers moistened. I could almost hear Jaime's deep voice groaning in my ears, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I imagined Jaime staring into my eyes with his beautiful brown eyes, gazing directly into my soul. I wanted him so desperately. Watching him reach between my thick thighs, I eagerly spread my legs wider, granting him access. I was craving him. Desperately. Waiting in anticipation, I watched Jaime undo his belt buckle, pull down his jeans and pull out his magnificent manhood. Closing my eyes to enhance the penetration sensation for what seemed like minutes, I slowly reopened my eyes, expecting, Jaime's horny gaze staring back at me, only to be filled with disappointment, and a pitch black bedroom. Realising that I'd been fantasising the entire moment, I let out a loud sigh, roll away from a sleeping Paul, and fall asleep, hoping to dream about Jaime Stewart again.