Life's a Laugh

Part 9 ~ THE GORMLESS WONDER ~ Day 1

Friday (Day 1 with The Gormless Wonder!)

11am

We are visiting Fetworth Park today. It’s a large country estate near where Chris and I live. Chris, Toby, Eleanor, Henry and I are a long way ahead of their parents. We stopped on the edge of the wooded area and sat down on a little outcrop of boulders, well except Henry, he sat in deer poo. Eleanor, Toby and I were sat a little way away from Chris who was laughing at Henry’s pooey shorts.

“So Eleanor,” I asked, swinging my legs over the edge of the boulder so they dangled freely, “Why don’t you like Chris’ posters?” Toby sniggered.

“Have you seen them?” She exclaimed, glaring at Toby, “They’re men, topless men!”

“I agree. They’re not the hottest men I've ever seen.” I said, “They look fairly feminine, only without breasts.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Eleanor said. “They are topless!”

“Yes, it would help if they looked more masculine.”

“Jessie! Shut up. You know what I mean! It’s disgusting, how can Christina plaster her walls with them? They’re men!”

Toby interrupted, “Oi! We’re not that bad!” I laughed and fell off the rocks.

Chris scraped me off the fallen tree trunk I fell onto just as the adults caught up with us. Henry’s mum gave me a very contemptuous (oh, big word!) look that screamed ‘why the hell are you lying on the floor you mentally unstable hooligan!’.

11:45am

Eleanor and Henry are very.... What’s the word... very, dull. Chris and I have climbed over every rock, hillock and Toby (when he fell over a branch) that was either on or next to the path. Or 1000 yards away. We have run, jumped and tripped around and over everything. Henry and Eleanor are being a lot more sedated, talking to Chris’ parents about school, their future careers, their hobbies and probably some other boring stuff. The only interesting thing The Gormless Wonder did was fall into a badger hole and put his hands in more fresh deer poo! It’s not really his day, poo-wise.

After a while, we decided to mooch around Fetworth house. Henry, Chris and I had separated from the adults, Toby and Eleanor, and headed for the bedrooms. Both Chris and I have jumped out at Henry several times because his reaction is better than mine!

((To give you some idea of my sort of reaction, a while ago I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth. My dad walked in with armfuls of dirty laundry and we stood for about a minute or two waiting for someone to speak, note that I knew he was there. Suddenly, my dad dropped the basket with a crash and yelled ‘HELLO’ at the top of his voice. I screamed and sprayed toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror, the sink, the floor, the laundry basket and down my front! It was so scary and my dad nearly wet himself laughing. Henry’s reactions were almost better than that!))

An hour and a half later, Chris and I had to find a tour guide because we had convinced Henry there was money in the velvet covered loo so the idiot looked in and got his head stuck! I cannot begin to tell you how funny that was! I have pictures on my phone to prove it although Henry made me swear never to show you or post them with this section :'( sad face.

10:30pm

The adults are downstairs still. The boys are in Toby’s room. Eleanor and I are on our airbeds, Chris is in her bed. Chris and I have discovered a new way to taint Eleanor’s innocence.

“Hey, Jessie?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know any good puns?” she asked.

I shrugged, “Not really. Why?”

“CUM on, dirty puns are easy to get your HEAD around!” she laughed.

I sniggered catching on to what she was doing. “That one SUCKED, such a BLOWER!”

“Ohh, someone’s a bit ANAL!” she retorted.

“I just needed to RELEASE some steam.”

“You got some SPUNK kid, CUMMING UP with one like that!”

“Sorry, was that too PREMATURE for you?” I asked, battling the giggles I could feel inside me as Eleanor scowled, groaned and gasped as our puns got worse,

“Do not EJACULATE another word, or you’ll fall down a lift SHAFT... for some reason, I just wanted the word shaft in there!” Chris said loudly. I frowned, still trying not to laugh.

“Okay, this is getting OUT OF HAND!”

Chris’ voice cracked slightly as she said, “Your anger is AROUSED. You may want to want keep a FIRM GRIP ON IT!”

“Stop JERKING around!” I mumbled into my pillow as I rolled over to mask my sniggering,

“You keep a HOLD of yourself, or you’ll be THRUST into a Police car!” Chris pointed at me accusingly.

“You SNAKE! Keep your joking EQUIPMENT away!” I laughed.

“You SHIFT your JUNK so I can access your CLOSET!” shouted Chris quietly. I stopped, sat up and gave her a serious face.

“That was just scary!” I grimaced, “that last one was awful, Christina! Never say that again!” Chris and I made eye contact and erupted in peals of laughter.

“STOP IT BOTH OF YOU!” cried Eleanor reappearing from under her duvet, “You guys are so immature! Grow up both of you!”

Chris and I exchanged looks. They were the kind of looks you pull when you’re trying not to laugh, you know, when you push your chin down which pulls your face, elongating it slightly. It didn’t work however, that look set us off again. Eleanor clearly doesn’t like us very much at the moment!