Life's a Laugh

Part 1 ~ ZOO

Saturday morning

10:32am

I’ve been woken up by the devils themselves. Chloe and James leapt onto my bed, clearly forgetting that I have legs, and began a pillow fight with the pillows that were, moments ago, under my head. I groaned and lay back on my mattress. There was no point pushing them off, they’d just get back on and I would then be the victim of a nasty pillow (or fist) to the face. I rolled over as best I could and peered at the clock. Damn! It was only half 10! The little monsters were going to pay for this.

11:04am

I finally managed to turf the twins out of my room and got dressed. People are constantly cooing at them, or giving them chocolate (but not in a Paedo-y way). Even my mother admitted, to my face, that I was never that ‘cute’! The only time I would say they are ‘cute’ or ‘nice’ is when they are sleeping, mainly because they aren’t attacking me!

11:25am

I wandered downstairs to find that breakfast had already been cleared up!

“So now you decide to join your family!” my mum said as I walked into the kitchen.

“If you don’t mind me asking, where the bloody hell is my breakfast?” I asked, as politely as I could while pointing at the empty table.

“Ah, well you see Jessie,” she answered, with a smirk on her face, “Your father and I have imposed a new rule, ‘No breakfast after quarter to ten’, particularly if it is only half an hour to lunch.”

“But I always come down after eleven on weekends!” I protested.

“Well then, you’ll just have to be down sooner, besides, we are going to see Mr Ploshwin for lunch.”

“Why? He hates me!”

“I never said you were coming!”

Phew! Mr Ploshwin is our next door neighbour and he hates my guts! Ever since I crushed the tulips in his front garden and smashed his living room window with the aid of a shoe, a brick and his cat when we first moved into this house (I was 10), he has had a grudge against me, but there have been other accidents... but I won’t go into that now, there have been too many to list!

At Verity’s house, in her room

11:56am

I’m sitting on Verity’s bed (with Verity, I’m not some random pervert that sits on people’s beds!) eating a piece of marmite toast. Verity gives me very strange looks as I’m eating it.

“What?” I say defensively.

“Nothing,” and then she says, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “I just don’t understand how you can eat that... eat that... stuff!”

Oh yeah, Verity won’t eat marmite unless physically forced to.

“Well I like it,” I retorted, “and if you don’t, it’s your loss!”

I love Verity. If I miss any meal, or my parents don’t let me have a snack, I come to Verity’s house and she feeds me. She calls me a bottomless pit; I just pretend I have a fast digestive system. I know I’m not fooling any of my friends when I remind them of this but I still say it, out of habit more than anything else.

3:23pm

Verity and I wandered into town. I bought some sweets and Verity took me into Boots, where she got a tube of Plum Rose Lip-gloss and Bash-full mascara. I’m not normally one to care for make-up, but after Verity put some on I couldn’t help but admire her lashes!