My Habit from This Town

32) Habit

Song for this chapter is Habit by Lou Tomlinson.

**Louis' P.O.V**

It's been 2 months. I've hardly weekly therapy sessions with Pat and I'm feeling okay. My sadness is slowly fading. It still hurts but talking is helping. As time goes by, I can finally see a future that isn't all sad. I can actually see a future. Niall is coming over later, with Delilah. I haven't seen her since I lost my baby. It would be too hard, and that's why Niall never brings her. But I think I'm ready.

He arrives around midday. Delilah is so big now. She has just had her first birthday. I wish I didn't miss it. She is so cute, the perfect mix of Niall and Liam. After getting settled in, Niall put her down and she immediately began crawling. She was very fast and nearly hit her head on my table, so Niall grabbed her at the fastest speed I've ever seen her move.

"How've you been?" Niall asks once he had made sure Dee was safe.

"Better. Therapy really helps. Pat is really nice and I feel I can actually talk to him." At this, Niall raises his eyebrows.

"Pat? Is he.... you know....?" He nudges me.

"Oh my god! No! Definitely not. Even if he was, he isn't my type. Plus, I'm still not over Harry. I've not had the time to get over him. I've been trying to get over the loss first. And Pat's my therapist. There is rules against that." I tell him. I know I should do something to get over him. He probably already has a new boyfriend.

"Okay. Okay. Chill. Just a question." He laughed. As he did, Delilah starts whingeing.

"Snack." She says to Niall, slightly demanding.

"She's definitely your kid Niall." I joke as he gets some fruit puree from his bag. He opens it after sitting Dee on his lap and getting out a spoon. As the packet starts to become empty, Delilah gets full. Niall doesn't notice at first, as he is absentmindedly talking to me about her favourite foods. He notices as soon as he faces Dee properly again and she shoves the spoon of puree in his face, mushing it all over his face. I burst out laughing, as does Dee. Niall turns to face me and gives me a look that says "do you think this is funny" but I just continue laughing. I haven't laughed in months and it feels freeing to do so. I am actually feeling happy for once. It feels amazing.

When everything calms down a bit, I talk again. "Thanks Niall. That was hilarious. I needed that. Seriously." I say, still giggling a bit.

"Glad you found it funny. It always happens to me. Liam refuses to use a bloody spoon. It gets annoying when I'm blowing blueberry puree out my nose 5 times a day." He huffs.

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After Niall leaves much later on, I begin to think. It's getting close to my daily dedicated song-writing time. I think I'm finally ready to start getting over Harry.

As usual, I got out some paper, a pen and turned on some music in the background. I then just placed the pen on the paper and let my mind free itself from all its chains.

I always said that I'd mess up eventually
I told you that, so what did you expect from me?
It shouldn't come as no surprise anymore
I know you said that you'd give me another chance
But you and I knew the truth of it in advance
That mentally, you were already out the door
Never thought that giving up would be so hard
God, I'm missing you and your addictive heart
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the feeling I can't put down
You're the shiver that I can't shake
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the high that I need right now
You're the habit that I can't break
I took some time 'cause I've ran out of energy
Of playing someone I heard I'm supposed to be
But honestly, I don't have to choose anymore
And it's been ages, different stages
Come so far from Princess Park
I'll always need ya
In front of me, in front of me
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the feeling I can't put down
You're the shiver that I can't shake
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the high that I need right now
You're the habit that I can't break
You gave me the time and the space
I was out of control, and I'm sorry I let you down
Guess that I know what I already knew
I was better with you, and I miss you now
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the feeling I can't put down
You're the shiver that I can't shake
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the high that I need right now
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the feeling I can't put down
You're the shiver that I can't shake
You're the habit that I can't break
You're the high that I need right now
You're the habit that I can't break

I came out of my writing trance and read through my most recent work. I didn't even realise I felt like this. I thought I was ready to get over him. I guess not. I know what I have to do.