Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter 5

Bernadeth: I’ve called for a reservation at the nearest club here in my place.

Yana: Nice, that’s what I’m saying!

Bernadeth: I know right, let’s party before stressing ourselves out.

Kier: Pass.

Yana: Boo! KJ as ever.

Kier: Yeah, whatever.

Bernadeth: How about you, Nessa and Grace?

Seen by everyone.

Jinessa Vergara

Are you coming?

Hey, Grace?

You there?

Seen

I’m currently lying flatly and carelessly on my bed. Arms were spread out and with my phone on my side. It’s five in the morning and I don’t know how many hours I’ve spent for sleeping but I know it’s not enough.

Kinuha ko muli ang phone ko at binasa ulit ang messages na natanggap ko. Alam kong may plano silang pumunta kung saan na kahit minsan ay hindi ko pa napupuntahan dahil sa ilang taon na naging ganito ang pamilya ko, ay may isang bagay na pilit kong iniiwasan. Pinangako ko pa ‘yon sa sarili ko kaya nga ibinuhos ko nalang ang oras ko sa pag-aaral. ‘Yon ay ang mag-rebelde.

Gusto nila mommy na gawin ko kung ano ang gusto nila. Palaging maging mabuti kahit na ang iba ay hindi ‘yon magawang ibalik sa akin. I really admire them, especially my mom, because no matter how some people acted so cruel, how some of them talked behind her back, she’s always reminding me that above all, elegance.

Kaya masyadong malaki ang naging epekto sa akin noong panahong nagsimulang mag-away sila daddy. Hiniling ko pa nga na sana ‘yon na ang maging una at huli, pero hindi. The issue of having another woman’s on repeat, and it’s not just another sad song for me. Because I could bearably listen to any sad song, but not this one. This one’s unbearable.

Naramdaman kong tumulo nanaman ang luha ko, pero wala naman akong pakealam. Hinayaan ko lang ‘yon habang nakatingin lang sa kisame. You’ll be fine. You’ve done this before.

I typed a reply to Nessa and sent her a simple ‘Yes’. Still thinking if that’s a ‘Yes, I’m coming’ or ‘Yes, I’m here’.

Grace: If Nessa’s coming.

That will decide then.

Iniwan ko muna ang phone ko sa kama. Masyado pang maaga para kumilos at wala pa rin akong gana. Tinungo ko nalang ang study table ko at kinuha ang journal na malapit ko nang palitan.

Binuklat ko ‘yon at nakitang nasa huling pahina na pala ako. Kinuha ko ang ballpen ko para sumulat ulit ngayon.

May 13, 2020

Dear self,

You are fine.

Sincerely,

Graceanne Charm F. Daez

Sinarado ko nalang ulit ang journal ko dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit sa lahat ng pagkakataon, ngayon pa ako nagdudang ayos nga ako. You were brave, you should be brave until now.