Canines; Jeongchan

Onze

Once I calm down, I fervently hope Chan has too, that he'll apologize, and that I'll apologize, and we'll go back to being friendly.

It doesn't happen. Though he does stare at me from time to time, he doesn't even try to clear up the air.

I relay our fight to Seungmin and Hyunjin. They ask me if I'm ok, and I tell the truth:

"I'm not. I'm tired, I miss Chan... I liked him, like really really liked him"

My finger throbs constantly, but the one time I tried to come over, the wolf full on growled at me when Jisung opened the door. And then subsequently tried to attack me.

Jisung had to help, closing the door right before the wolf pounced. The following howls and scratches at the door were not pleasant to experience.

It's only been a week since Chan resigned from his 'job', but the teachers have already given me a new tutor, a lanky senior named Johnny Suh. He's tall, a good 15 centimeters taller than I am, and handsome, with very nice lips.

He's also good at teaching, due to having lived in Chicago, but it's not the same as with a certain Aussie.

For one, the accent is less attractive than that of the Australian counterpart, though that might just be personal preference. 

Also, certain vocabulary is different, I note.

"Jeongin!"

Johnny snaps his fingers in front of me.

"Jeongin"

I look up, finally paying attention.

"Yeah?"

"You have to listen to get better", he coaxes,"I can help your grades, but only if you let me."

I nod.

"I'll try"

The cafeteria is full, a comfortable bubble of conversation around us.

"Now, look"

He points out several passages in the text, working through the meanings with me.

I notice that Johnny too has an MCR hoodie like the one Chan gave me the very first night.

I ask him about it.

"MCR? It stands for My chemical romance. They're a emo band that disbanded March 22, 2013. They wrote some really good songs, the most known is probably Welcome to the black parade."

"Oh, cool"

"I could show you some of their music next time", Johnny suggests, smiling a bit.

I grin broadly.

"Sure. I'd like that"

"Ok then, I'll bring my phone next time. But now, please listen to what I'm saying instead of drifting off, ok?"

"Jeongin!"

Hyunjin and Seungmin walk over to join us.

"You know what, how about you get a good night's sleep, and then we finish this tomorrow", Johnny says, already forseeing how distracted I get with my friends.

"Ok. In the library?"

"12. Don't be late", he says teasingly in English, and gently ruffles through my hair.

"Why does everyone keep doing that?", I glance away from the table, and, of course, spot Chan.

My finger throbs, and the beanie he wears seems to hide suspicious lumps. He glares at Johnny, his nose scrunched up. I'm not sure whether to find it cute, funny or scary.

Johnny laughs.

"Maybe 'cause it's so soft", he teases, running his hand through the silky hair again before walks over to his friends tables.

"For someone as anti-people as you, you sure make a lot of friends", Hyunjin says, "or should I say, friends with benefits?"

I slap his arm.

"I'm not anti people. I just have moments where I don't like humans. I'm very polite most of the time. Also, no more comments about my sex life, please", I fake a smile.

"Say what you want, but Johnnyboy was definitely flirting with you, I don't make the rules"

"Seungmin", I whine, looking for a voice of reason, and possibly someone to tell Hyunjin to stop.

"Sorry, I agree. He ruffled through your hair"

"So does Hyunjin!"

"Hyunjin is someone who has been your best friend since elementary. He has stated, on several occasions in fact, that he would rather become straight than go out with you. Johnny has known you for a week, and doesn't even know you well. They're not comparable. And you don't just platonically ruffle through someone's hair if you are only their tutor."

"Wait a minute, Jinnie said he would rather be straight than be gay with me? Hyunjin? The literal gay King? Who hates being in hetero relationships?"

"When I asked what his relationship with you was, before I met you."

"It's nothing against you, Innie, but I'd probably also date inanimate objects before dating you"

"Nothing against me? How is me being unattractive nothing against me? I'm going to die alone..."

"Back to topic. Johnny was 100% flirting with you. You're just too busy pining over your ex"

"He's not my ex."

"He is your ex tutor"

I roll my eyes, but can't help but risk another glance at Bang Chan.

He sits at the table, his arm wrapped around... Felix?

They laugh together and Felix tries to feed him some food, just like I did a few weeks ago. I watch as they connect their lips in a soul crushing kiss.

My heart shatters, and so does the glass of water I let go of, landing on the floor in a single smash. Everyone but them looks at me now.

Glass of water, he taught me those words in English, on a morning I was still waking up with him.

He was just a friend, I remind myself, and he doesn't want anything to do with me. But I can't help the single tear spilling from my watering eyes. 

"Fuck", Hyunjin whispers when he sees me, and what I'm looking at. I don't even have the energy to tell him off.

The solidification of the truth of what I'm seeing makes it worse, somehow.

"Excuse me, I've got to go chop off a dick"

Seungmin stands up.

I watch him go, numb. Then I process what he's said.

Seungmin is never crass. That's Hyunjin's job, brash and loud. Seungmin is the one who calms him down, who keeps him grounded. He's in the background while Hyunjin takes the stage.

Yet, it's Seungmin who marches over there, straight to the table, and slams his hands on it. He says something to the couple, then walks out the door, and Chan follows.

 Hyunjin starts hugging me tightly, whispering soothing words into my ear as he holds me and I keep the tears at bay.

Because I'll be damned before I waste one more of my precious tears on Bang fucking Chan.