Drowning ( Depressed Hinata×Kageyama)

Chapter 4

I still remember the last time I went to the beach. I was sane at that time. I had the world at my feet at that time. I had a family then. I was with my parents and little sister. Her name was Natsu. Such a beautiful name for a little ball of sunshine. She was like me. Don't get me wrong. She was like the old me. If she was like me from the present, she would be...broken. And I don't want that. Back to the story. We were enjoying the sun and the sea. If you look at the first line you could see I told you that it was the last time I went to the beach. Why? Because my Natsu died. How? She drowned. And then what? I began to lose myself.

It's been a few months since my aunt confronted me. I could say that we made up, ignoring the fact that she still glares whenever I come with bruises. Yes, the bullying continued. No, the team didn't find out. And no, I didn't want to tell them. Why? Because one thing comes with another. If I tell them about the bully, they will ask why I didn't tell them. Then I will have a flashback and a panic attack again, so they will take me to the nurse and will find out we are related. After I wake up they will ask about my past and lies and finally, they will find out about my secrets, will freak out and abandon me, just like everyone else. Well, except my aunt.
Nevermind my thought. Where was I? Oh, right. Now we are in the summer holiday. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I am dying. So dramatic. Shut up, devil me. Yup. I named the voice in my head devil me. Why? Because I know I am going insane and I wanna break faster and less painful.
Back to the story...again. So, as I was saying, summer is here. The bully is far away. And I am at the beach. With the team.
I know, I know. You ask yourself: What the hell is he doing in the place he has a trauma? First, it is not the same beach. Second, the doc said I need to overcome my fears. And last, I couldn't find an excuse for not coming with them. They would start to wonder about my life. And that is not good. Enough with these thoughts. The devil me will appear and make my world blue. Again. Shit.
Boke! Why are you staying there? Come in the water! Shouted Kageyama at me. As you thought, everyone was in the water, except me and Stingyshima.
No, thanks. I don't like water. I shouted back. Tsukishima raised his eyes from his book and looked at me with curiosity. Well, everyone looked at me confused. The energic sunshine didn't like water?
Just say you don't know how to swim, Hinata. We won't laugh. Loud. Said Tsukishima besides me.
I knew how to swim. I loved swimming when I was little.
Haha. Caught me. I answered him with an annoyed tone. He didn't seem to notice it.
I slowly closed my eyes and enjoyed the black abyss. Without knowing, I fell asleep.

Did anyone see Ennoshita? I heard the concerned voice of our captain. I quickly opened my eyes. Everyone was looking around the almost empty beach. I got up too and started searching.
I slowly approached the sea. I looked down at the waves. They looked like they tried to reach my legs, but I keep my distance. I didn't want to risk another drowning. This day was too good.
I raised my head and looked in the distance. The sun was slowly disappearing behind the sea with his black hand. Wait... The sun doesn't have hands.
  I looked again and saw a person. A person. In the powerful waves.
...
Ennoshita!
Without thinking, I threw myself in water and started swimming. I saw my vision becoming blue, but I ignored it. I can't let my teammate die. I can't let anyone die in my hands again! Without knowing, I reached Ennoshita and pulled him against the waves, so he can stabilize himself. I grabbed him and started swimming back to the sand, seeing his unconscious body.
  We reached the sand safe and I started doing CPR. The other boys surrounded me. My vision was completely blue, but I couldn't stop.
Please don't die, please don't die... I mumbled to myself.
My vision became blurry. In my face was Ennoshita. No... It was...
"Natsu... Please don't die. Hey. Open your eyes. Come on. I will treat you to an ice cream. One with chocolate chips. Just as you like" I shook her without stopping.
Wake up... Wake up please. Don't leave me too. I shouted next to his body. I looked closely at him. He was beginning to wake up.
I looked at her body. She wasn't breathing. She wasn't moving. No...

You can do it Enno... Please wake up! I shouted. Please wake up Natsu...  I whispered the last part. The others noticed it.
Unconsciously, I got up and started trembling. Another wave was coming.
You couldn't save her. She died because of you...Shut up...  It was your fault. You should have died. You are useless. Shut up. Everything changed because of you. That'snot true. It was. And you know it. It was your fault. "IT WAS YOUR FAULT".

SHUT UP! I screamed. I opened my eyes. Everyone was looking at me, including Ennoshita. From their expressions, I guess my mask felt. The crazy look from my face must have disgusted them. My vision became bury again and I felt myself falling.

You ruined everything...again. I know.