Drowning ( Depressed Hinata×Kageyama)

Chapter 19

I remember reading somewhere that lying is a sin. Lying means, in short, saying something different from the truth. And no, I don't think lying means hiding the truth or fooling someone. Yes, some people might do it. Yes, some people might have been deceiving others for their own good. But I can assure everyone that knows me that my lies have a reason. I never wanted to feel the disappointed stares on my back nor I wanted to make everyone wary of me. But I admit. I was selfish. Why? Because, in the end, the only reason I had to lie was to protect myself. I just wanted to feel wanted and loved again. I guess that means I became a bad person, right? Wait, wait. I was a bad person from the beginning.

Hinata's pov

Silence. It feels like I am in a movie. Exactly in the moment when something terrible happens or the bomb is almost defused. I don't know if it is the effect of the medication or the reality, but it really seems everything is happening in slow-motion. Their eyes widen after a very long minute of silence, the gasps being the only sound in the room. I don't get it. What is with this reaction? My situation isn't that bad. There are people out there that had it worse than me. And maybe they still do. So then...why the long silence? Why? Please say something... I am not fond of the quietness it seems.

Then, I heard something. A thing I didn't expect. A sob. I scanned the room and found Kageyama crying silently. The sob must have come out accidentally. Before I could say something more sobs filled the air. I looked at the team and saw their faces. They were crying. All of them. Even Tsukishima (even thou he was trying to hide it). Why are they crying?

G-Guys. What's wrong? I asked them, confusion being obvious in my voice.

They looked at me like I have grown a second head. Like they didn't believe that I asked what is wrong. Like I should have known what is wrong. Should I know what is wrong? I did something wrong? Please tell me what I did? Please tell me what should I apologize for? Should I even apologize?

Hinata. For someone who went through that bad things, you are quite dense. Said the captain between sobs. I glanced curiously at him. What the hell is he talking about?

They are crying because of you shrimp. Said a small but rough voice. Saltyshima. They cry because of me? Shit. I really can't do anything without messing out. As I was about to apologize, Suga stopped me.

Don't you dare apologize Hinata. I think you misunderstood. It is not entirely your fault that we are crying. It is our fault too. We saw that something was wrong but we never acted. We saw that you put on a mask every day but we never asked you why. We saw that you were suffering but we thought that giving you space was a good idea. I think you realize that we thought wrong. We saw all the red flags but we never tried to help you. I am so sorry Hinata. I failed you as your teammate, your senpai, but most importantly I failed as your friend. By the end of the discourse, Suga-san began crying again. He took a few breaths and tried to calm down a little before he bowed.

I gasped. And I was crying of course. I feel bad that I made one of the most important persons in my life doubt himself. And he is even bowing to me. What should I say? I tried opening my mouth, but I stopped midway. I blinked twice to confirm that I am still sane. By now everyone was bowing, except Kags who was still hugging me. I think I would be hyperventilating if the scent of my boyfriend didn't help me anchor me to earth. Knowing that I couldn't find my words right now, I nudged Kageyama. He looked at me and after he saw the pleading look in my eyes, he finally said something.

I think we should leave Shouyo alone for a while. To process things, you know... Kageyama trailed off, just now seeing the broken looks on his teammates' faces. Everyone eyes widen and, after a minute, the only ones in the room were Kags and I.

I finally felt like I could breathe. I still can't believe the team feels guilty. I mean yes, I didn't come and ask for help, but that is my fault. Not them. And I am pretty sure that I would have snapped at them, considering my old mental state.

Are you ok? My sweet boyfriend asked. I looked at him and sighed.

It has been a... very difficult period for me. I can't change the past and I can't change the fact that I have broken your trust. I am sorry again. I said in a low voice as if the sudden sounds could break everything. And they could. Everything could come down if I make a mistake. Wait... why I am so cautious around him? He is my goddamn Kageyama. He surely understands me. Before he could answer me, the door opened and revealed the doctor from earlier.

Sorry to disturb your moment, but I have to tell you what is going to happen. Kags and I looked at each other. Since this was a suicide attempt, we could have easily made you leave the volleyball team and the school but considering the fact that your body and mind are able to remain concentrated on the present, I decided it is a good idea to let you return to your normal activities. Anything unclear? I shook my head. This outcome is better than expected.

Ok then. One more matter to discuss. Since I was made aware of your familial situation, it should ve normal to put you on foster care. But the two adults in the waiting room decided that they could take care of you. What do you think about it? I was shocked. Ukai-kun and Takeda-san wanted to take care of me? After everything, I have done? Wait... They are married?? Unconsciously, I nodded.

Perfectly! Since everything is solved, I will go and see your test results. I will be back shortly with the fostering contract and the date of your first therapy. Excuse me now. The doctor said fast before leaving... again.

Too much happened. First, I am alive. Second, everyone feels guilty. And lastly, I am gonna live with my teachers. Well, better than staying alone I guess. I already feel tired.

Tobio? I saw him looking at me closely. I am sleepy. I murmured, feeling my vision fading away.

Then go to sleep. Everyone will be waiting for you. And I will be here when you wake up. I will always be here with you. So sleep for now.

I didn't get the chance to respond, but before I blacked out completely, I could hear some words that truly made me think I could do it. I think that was the first time in a while I fell asleep peacefully. I am really glad. I am glad I am alive. And I will make sure to never change my mind. Not again.

I love you. Sleep well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Super Important

I feel so guilty guys. I am so sorry for the unannounced hiatus. My life has been quite hectic this past month. I think this is the final of part two. Yey.

That is not all. Initially, I planned to have only two parts, but I couldn't introduce the whole idea in just one part. So I have in mind a Part Three.

The problem is that my life isn't in order just yet. So I have two choices.

1. I post once a month
2. I give you a summary of the plot in the last part.

It is your choice!

I wanna thank you again for supporting this book and the last one. Your likes and comments really brightened up my days.

Please announce me through comments on your choice. I will finish this book, so don't worry about which way I do it.

See ya!!!