Drowning ( Depressed Hinata×Kageyama)

Chapter 14

Trigger warning! Death, blood, self-harm and mental disorders ahead!

 I am dying. I am dying. Finally, I am dying. Die already Hinata. Why am I still alive? Why am I not dead yet? WHY? I wanna die. I wanna die. Someone kill me. Kill me, please! Push me over an edge or stab me! Anything! Please just kill me! Please... Save me! No... No... KILL ME! SAVE ME! What is happening? Why do I hear two voices in my head? Why don't I believe any of them? I am insane? Or I am lost? Please...tell me what is wrong with me? What do I wanna do? Kill myself or not? Just...help. Someone help me! HELP BY KILLING ME! HELP BY SAVING ME! Shut up... Shut up, please... Just leave me alone. PLEASE!

            Kageyama~~ 1 day ago

  It is so quiet. Too quiet. Our sun is not here. My sun is missing. He didn't respond to our calls. Not even messages. Nothing. It is like he disappeared. No! Don't think like that Kageyama. He is probably thinking about what happened. But what happened? What made him go down so easily? What happened that his new confidence and happiness crumbled so easily? What is wrong Hinata? Please answer me. Please call me. ANYTHING! Just.. don't push me away. Please don't push me away. Please don't leave me alone again. I know I am not alone. I know I have the rest of the team with me. But you... Oh, God. You are my everything. Without knowing, you saved me from my demons. Form my past. You slowly pushed away my traumas. You made me trust people again. You made me smile truly again. You showed me what is happiness. Ah... I wanna see you. I wanna hold you. I wanna help you. Please let me save you. Please let me show you the colors of this world, Just like you did. Please let me be your sunshine. Please let me be your salvation. I know I sound selfish, but please! Please let me cure him! Let me help him escape from his own demons. Please let him trust me! Please let him see how many people love him, treasure him, admire him! Please let me... no. Please let us save him. Let us have many happy days ahead. Let us be happy together. Please...

Kageyama! Snap out of it! Did you even hear what coach Ukai said? asked Daichi. I expected his voice to hold more anger, but no. He looked really tired. His eyes and voice were the same. Well, we all looked like that.

Sorry, Daichi-san! What happened? I responded lifelessly. I just wanted my boyfriend to save and sound in my arms. Nothing else.

Coach canceled today's practices. He said we are too lost to focus right now. Did Hinata contacted you? said Suga-san. You could clearly see the bags under his eyes.

No... I even went to his house. He wasn't there. His neighborhoods said that he left one hour earlier than usual. And they said he looked like the death waited at his door. I mumbled, being unable to continue. It is too painful. Please make this pain stop. Everyone could hear the distress and fear in my voice. They looked at me. They looked at me with hope. Again. Please don't me lie. Please don't put this pressure on me.

Stop... I mumbled. They changed from sadness to confusion. I let my head down. Don't look at me like that. Please don't beg me with your eyes to assure you everything is ok. I don't know. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT IS WRONG! I screamed. My legs gave up and I felt on the floor. Tears stained my face. Everyone looked shocked at me. Broken. They also looked broken. Even Tsukishima. Please don't make me tell you lies. Please don't remind me that my boyfriend, my soulmate is broken. Lost. Untrustful. Please... I whispered the last part. I couldn't talk properly anymore. I couldn't hide my tears and fear anymore. And everyone knew that this situation is messed up. They knew. The fall of the king just confirmed it. And they cried. We all cried. We all prayed. Please, God. Please bring him back again. 

~~ 1 hour before the tragedy~~

   I am done. I am sick of it. Today I am gonna meet Hinata, whatever it takes. He didn't respond to my texts and calls for 2 days. You can't say I am worried. I am mortified. I have a bad feeling. I am too paranoid. I hope that it is the case.