Drowning ( Depressed Hinata×Kageyama)

Chapter 13

 TRIGGER WARNING! MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND ATTEMPTING SUICIDE AHEAD!

 I am in danger. I am the danger. I could hurt them. I could hurt myself. Wait... I already did it. Why have I done it? Why I can't remember anything? Why is my mind filled with death? Why was I about to commit suicide? Why no one stopped me? Why I am questioning myself these useless things? Why I am talking to myself? Why I can't seem to remember the faces of the ones I love? Why do I love them? Why did I love them? How does it feel to love? Why... Why I can't remember who I was? WHO AM I?

         Hinata's pov

  Dark. This place is dark. Where I am? What happened?  Oh right. This is my mind. And now I realized that the color I see isn't black. It is a dark blue. That only shows that I am lost even more than before. Why must it end like this? What have I done to deserve this? Why I am alone? I don't wanna be alone... Please cure my loneliness... Anyone can hear me? Anyone... No one is here. No one will save you. You brought this misfortune in your life. If you didn't look like Natsu your parents would have been living now. Your aunt wouldn't have had to die trying to reach out for you. He should have been happy with another guy now. Your existence destroyed everyone. What about Kageyama? The rest of the team? You talk as if you don't know. You made them distracted. They are still trying to help... no. They are trying to hurt you. Like your bullies. Just your presence destroyed them. They lost a lot of games because of you. They lost a lot of time because of you. And now they want revenge. And Kageyama? He must have felt sorry for you. Or he just wanted some of your happiness. Well, he clearly didn't get happiness. He lost his time, his money and patience because of you. If he truly loved you, now I am not so sure. You pushed him away. You made me do it. So what? It is not like you don't deserve it. I DON'T. You do. You killed them. It is your fault everyone died. Why don't you say anything? Don't try fighting back anymore? I am done. What? I am done with this bullshit. I am sick of your voice inside my head. I am sick of the constant feeling of drowning and crying in my life. I wanna die. Finally some good news! All my hard work gets results in the end. GO, BOY! LET THE WORLD ESCAPE FROM A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!

    I slowly got up from my bed. I  couldn't feel anything. I made my way to the bathroom. I couldn't sense anything. I grabbed the razors from my shower. I couldn't think. I raised my hands and stared at them. I couldn't remember anything. And I started cutting. One... Two... Three... I stared at my arm. I couldn't feel the pain. Four...Five...Six. I looked in the mirror. I couldn't see myself. Seven...Eight...Nine. I raised my head. I couldn't believe the light was out. Ten...Eleven...Twelve. I looked down. I couldn't feel the blood that was under me. Thirteen...Fourteen...Fifteen. I closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I saw black. Sixteen...Seventeen. I opened my eyes. I couldn't believe I saw someone approach me. Eighteen...Nineteen. I looked down again. I couldn't believe I was on the ground. Twenty. I couldn't believe the blade wasn't in my hands anymore. I couldn't believe someone was here to help me. I couldn't believe I died before I saw their face.

       Kageyama's pov~~2days ago

  I can't stop thinking. What is wrong with Shouyo? What was that about? Why was he so cold towards us? Why didn't he tell us what is wrong? What was with that look? He seemed like he didn't trust us. Like he didn't trust himself. He looked like he was dying inside. What the hell did the principal told him? What the fuck could some words change a person so much? Well, I knew he had secrets. I knew he was acting sometimes. But I can place a bet on my life that Hinata Shouyo is not like that. R-Right? Someone tell me I am right. PLEASE TELL ME I AM WRONG!

   We all stood frozen in front of the infirmary door. The new nurse threw us out. I was the first one to move. I looked at my teammates. They all stood there with shocked faces and teary eyes.

What... What was that? asked Tanaka, being concerning silent.

I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about it. answered Tsukishima, being deep in thoughts.

Someone tell me that was not Hinata. mumbled Asahi, as he looked at his trembling hands.

Everyone calm down. He must have received some bad news from the principal. We will try helping him later, when he is feeling better. said Suga and Daichi, trying to mask their worry with hope and confidence.

Ok. Let's go to practice. said Noya trying to make the atmosphere easier.

  They started heading to the gym when Yamaguchi observed that I wasn't following them.

Kageyama? Are you alright? asked him. This made the others turn around too.

   I was too lost in thoughts. Maybe I could have helped him if I made him told me his past. No... That would have broken his trust in me. Why I am not strong enough to help him?

Kageyama! Snap out of it! shouted someone in my ear. I flinched and started mumbling.

If only I knew. If only I was stronger. I am weak. I can't protect him from his past. Wait... Maybe his past isn't that bad. If it wasn't bad he would have told me about it. What if... What if.

Pain. I felt a sharp pain on my cheek. Now I really came back to reality.

Huh? What happened? I asked confused, not realizing that I said my worries with a loud voice.

You tell us what is wrong. What do you mean by his past? His demons? asked Suga, almost showing his angry side.

Honestly, I don't know. I just know he hadn't the best childhood. That is all he told me. I said almost whispering. They still heard me.

Ok then. Do you think he will get better? asked Yachi.

  They looked at me. Right now, I was the only one who could raise their hope.

 Of course. He is Hinata after all. I said hopeful, trying to convince me more than to convince them. They caught on but smiled at me.

Who would have thought things will be worse than now?

Who would have guessed my lie was worse than intended?

Not me.

And now I regret it.

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Hey guys. Here I am again. I wanted to know what you think about the last two chapters. It is the first time I tried writing in such a dark way and I am not sure how good I managed to do it.

If you have any suggestions or ideas please don't hesitate to tell me.

Thanks for reading. 

See ya