Drowning ( Depressed Hinata×Kageyama)

Chapter 9

I am scared. I am so scared. Please help me escape this cycle. Please let me escape from my prison. Please let me escape from my thoughts. Because, if I hear them any longer, I will ignore my heart and make the same mistake twice. So, please, let me rest in love. Let me taste it and risk it. Because, after a long time, I really want it. I want to be free. I want to feel it. I want love. And nothing can stop me. Not even myself.

     Hinata's pov

  I can't breathe. A good way to wake up. I opened my eyes and saw white. Why white? My pillows are blue. Then I remembered. The dinner, the kiss. Kageyama. I looked up and saw his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful. Such a difference. Usually, he frowns and makes me a baka. I am glad I discovered this part of him. ... OMG. He is my boyfriend. He is my fucking boyfriend. I felt my eyes water and my lips curling in a smile. I moved on. I finally let go of my past. Wait... He doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know my parents, my circumstances and traumas. I felt my smile fading. What if he hates me too? What if he gets destroyed too? What if he dies too? So many ifs. I can't enjoy our relationship. Not without knowing that he knows all about me and accepts me. I felt tears running down my face. I felt blood in my mouth as I tried to stop the violent sobbings. It didn't work. Kageyama opened his eyes and looked at me surprised. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me tighter and let me cry on his shoulder. Why is he so gentle with me? I never felt this way. Not even with him. After what seemed like ages, I stopped crying and looked at him. I bet I looked disgusting with my puffy red eyes and my pale skin. He kissed my forehead and hugged me again. Honestly, I didn't expect that.

Are you ok? He asked with worry in his voice.

Yeah... Sorry, I lost myself for a moment. I mumbled. This caught him off guard. I guess he doesn't know this part of me. The quiet and calculating one. Well, he just found out.

May I ask why? You worry me Shouyo. Remember you can always talk with me. Or the others if you are not comfortable around my possessive ass yet. He said softly in my ear. I chuckled.

It is not that. I am happy you love me. I am happy someone loves me again. I am happy we are together. But... I looked seriously in his eyes. You don't know me. You don't know my past, my worries, my mistakes. And I am sure when you will find out everything you will leave me too. And I don't wanna be alone. I tasted love and I became addicted. I can't live feeling like everything will end if I do one little mistake. Kageyama. I am scared. I said slowly. The first time in years I said my thoughts loudly. He didn't say anything. He just looked into my eyes. They didn't show anything bad. Just love and...determination?

I don't give a shit about your past Hinata. I don't care what you have done. I will still be next to you. I won't leave you just because of this. I hope you will find the power and tell me everything one day. I won't force you or anything. I will be with you from now on. Not only me. The whole team will have your back. We all care about you. But I do care more, please don't forget. I laughed at his comment. But. I want you to promise me one thing. I looked at him happily with tears in my eyes. I am sure I will fulfill his promise. Promise me you will tell me your story. I don't want to pressure you. When you feel safe and secure, please let me be the first one to find out your true self.

I stopped breathing. I can't believe he asked me that. The look in his eyes told me he isn't joking. Now what? You really are that dumb? Do you really want to be crushed again?

I promise. I said smiling, without listening to the voice's warnings. He smiled and hugged me again. I felt safe and collected in his arms. I felt peaceful. Just like the sea before the storm. And I don't like this feeling. But for now, I will enjoy his embrace and worry later about the future. Because I felt happy in his arms. I felt loved. I felt amazing. His being made me happy. Just him. And deep inside me, I hated it. Because now I have one weak spot. And the one who desires to destroy me the most will use it. You wonder how does this person know about Kageyama? It is pretty simple. This person is me. I want to destroy myself. Well, the devil me wants. But he is something like my...alter ego. Well, I promised him. I promised that I will trust him.

And I will make sure I won't break my promise.
Because I can do it.
For him.
Only for him.

Part 1- End

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IMPORTANT

   Hey guys. You probably wonder why I said the ending of part one. I thought about it a little and I decided this story will have two parts. You already guessed that the second part will be longer and more dramatic.
  Anyway. As I said in one of the earlier chapters, this week I won't be updating the story. I will publish the first chapter of part 2 on 19 June. This way, I will make sure I pass my exams and come with good ideas for the story.
   SO, that's it. I will see ya in two weeks. Hope you all stay safe and like my books.
    Bye-bye for now, Haikyuu addicted fans.
   See ya