The words never said

Butterflys

What if you'll never feel it?
What if you'll have to fake it forever?
What if the only thing that will turn you on is dirty words on a page?      You are terrified that someone will never make your heart race.

You felt it once. You know. The butterfly's. the sweaty palms. The need for our faces to be touching. Every time your heart exploded. But you weren't good enough. You weren't good enough for the one person who made you wanna fly.

He couldn't even tell you himself. He used your best friend.
He used you.

But the butterfly's didn't go away, they stayed for a while. You got drunk for the first just so you could forget. But you didn't. You didn't forget. How could you ever forget the way someone makes you feel? How could you forget the endless want for someone to touch you? But they didn't want the same.

Even now you still wanna push them, up against the wall. Rip their cloths off. Kiss them. Touch them. Hold them. Make them regret they didn't hold your hand at the movies. You'd do anything to feel the electricity run through you again because you are so utterly afraid you'll never feel that again.

You didn't even feel it with the person you believed you loved.
But did you?
Did you really love them? Or were you just comfortable? Remember when you first kissed him? It's felt wrong didn't it? You spent the whole way home with a taste in your mouth that just didn't sit right. But you stayed because you loved him.
Did you?
You made excuses every morning so you didn't have to walk, only because you didn't wanna tell him you hated it. Hated the silence. Hated the comments on people who walked past. Hated how early it was. But you loved him.
Did you?
Did you really love him?
You tell yourself you did. But no butterfly's. No sweaty palms. No exploding heart.

Nothing. Like always.