The Force Awakens

Chapter 36

Rey disconnected a fuel hose from the Falcon. Rose had worked miracles, getting the compressor back online, repairing the sub-alternators. Rey herself had buffed out some of the scorch marks and fine-tuned the rear shields. My ship was nearly prepped and ready, and anticipation buzzed in my limbs. I was moments away from being behind those controls again.

I'd run a few assignments with Finn, Poe, and Rey when we'd first established the base on Ajan Kloss, but for months now I had been stuck here, training, training, training. Poring over Jedi texts with Beaumont's and C-3PO's help. Working on first Luke's and later my own lightsaber. But I yearned to see space again. To get back in the fight. To feel truly useful.

Wiping my hands, I cut around the Falcon toward the on-ramp, and nearly ran into Rose.

"Thank you," I said to the mechanic. "I can't believe how fast you got this ship ready."

Rose smiled. "You know I'd do anything for you and the Falcon."

There were so many things I ought to say to her. I settled for "You've been so kind to me. You and Beaumont, Connix and Snap..."

Rose's smile faltered. Became a straight-up glare. "Why does it feel like you're saying goodbye forever?"

"I'm not! I just..." I didn't know what I was trying to say.

Before I could figure it out, Rose enveloped me in a hug. "Me too," she said. "Now go do your Jedi stuff."

After a final squeeze, Rose headed toward the Falcon for a last-minute inspection of the ship's landing gear.
I was about to grab a crate and load it onto the ship when Poe nearly collided with me.

"So you got her up and running," Poe said.

"You were right before," I blurted. "I can't stay. I'm gonna pick up Luke's search for Exegol."

"Yeah, I know," Poe said, placing his hand on my shoulder and giving me a kiss on the cheek. "We're going with you. Chewie, did you get that compressor fixed?"

Chewie moaned that Rose had helped him.

I stood, mouth agape, as Poe grabbed a crate of supplies and started helping Chewie load the ship. Before I could formulate a response, I caught sight of Finn and Rey approaching. Them too?

I grabbed Finn and Rey's shoulders and yanked them close. "I need to go alone!" I said.

Finn nodded. "Alone with your friends."

"No. It's too dangerous."

Poe and Chewie drew near, BB-8 rolling after them.
Finn lifted a chin at them in acknowledgment. Rey then said, "We go together."

Chewie loudly agreed with her. BB-8 beeped his own insistence on going.

"I wholeheartedly agree," C-3PO said.

I looked around at them. Poe was giving me an arch look, as if daring me to contradict them. Finn was as earnest and determined as always. Rey head a sweet smile on her face, and Chewie just seemed impatient to be off.

My friends. I was terrified for them all. But I couldn't keep myself from smiling.

Knowing something in my head was different from knowing it in my heart. I had understood on some level that I wasn't alone, but now I knew it, and it was so wonderful it hurt. Tears filled my eyes. Loneliness was a kind of agony. But belonging was another.

While we packed our things, Beaumont had been doing some final research. Now me and my friends gathered with him beneath the jungle canopy to go over what he'd learned.