Crashing The Waves (Working Girls Series #2)

Kabanata 34

Crib

"Mommy!" Joax ran to me and I carried him.

Nasa beach kami ngayon. Nagleave ako sa trabaho ng isang linggo. Joaquin told me that he wants to have a vacation. Who am I to say no? We needed to talk too.

"You need to sleep already." Pinahiga ko na siya sa kama at inabot ang feeding bottle sa kanya. Maya-maya ay nakatulog na rin siya.

Joaquin insisted to sleep in another room. I told him that I won't mind him staying here in our room. Pero alam ko na ginawa niya iyon dahil ayaw niyang mapressure ako sa kahit ano. He also asked if I wanted to go to a counselor but I already did. I appreciate how he looks after me.

"Hey." I knocked on his door because Joax is finally asleep and we need to talk.

"Where's Joax?" He's wearing some white beach shirt and a navy blue board shorts.



"Sleeping. Can we talk?" Tumango lang siya at sumunod sa akin. 

We sat outside the sliding door of our suite. Hindi ko kasi pwedeng iwan mag-isa ang anak ko. Baka bigla siyang magising. Ayos na rin naman dito. We'll talk with the view of the sea.

"How have you been?" Pinatong ko sa tuhod ko ang aking siko. My chin was on my hands and I looked at him.

"Living but dead inside. But I have you now. I guess Im starting to feel alive again." I chuckled at what he said.

"You know, I used to cry every night. I couldn't find an urge to sleep because everytime I try to close my eyes. All I remember was the way he touched me. The way he pushed himself to me even though I was crying and saying no." Nakita kong naikuyom niya ang mga palad niya kaya inabot ko iyon at hinawakan. His gaze met mine.

"It was hard. Then weeks passed and I found out that I was pregnant. But you know, it never crossed my mind to have an abortion. The moment that I knew it, I immediately fell in love with the baby inside my womb. I wanted to give my child a home, a family, a mother. I lacked all of that growing up, Joaquin." I held his hand tighter and looked at the calm sea in front of us.

"Im sorry if I never told anyone that I was alive. I got scared that he might find me again and that it might happen again. Im sorry for being scared. I also thought that I am not good enough for you. Because you deserve the best. And Im far from being one." I touched his face while my other hand still hold on to him tightly. 

"Right now. Im still far from becoming better. But Im doing my best for Joax. He's my life now. I want you to finally let yourself heal from me. I've caused you too much pain in this lifetime already, Joaquin Andres. Be free and move forward. I know someone out there is going to love you more than I do." I love him. But I know he deserves so much better than me.

"Why do you keep on pushing me away?" I saw pain in his eyes but I really need to end this.

"It's for your own good." He took a deep breath and looked at the stars above us.

"Who are you to decide on what's good for me? Putangina Lia. You are not your past. It may be a part of you but it doesn't define you. I love you, and I accept you no matter what." Isang mapait na ngiti ang iginawad ko sa kanya.

"But it's not me who I want for you. You can't always try to put me together. Im already shattered. You deserve someone who's pieces are still intact. Someone who's worthy. Not someone like me." I tried looking up to stop my tears from falling.