Breeder ~ A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

77

I awoke to a familiar pain amplified by a thousand. I screamed, attempted to alleviate the agony spreading through my body, but it felt like I was on fire, my flesh melting away, bones turning to ash.

"Shhh, shhh, it's gonna be okay."

I recognized the voice but couldn't think straight enough to place it did and didn't bother trying to.

Multiple hands pinned me down, strapping my body to a flat surface, pressing a cold compress to my forehead.

What's that compress going to do if I'm on fire?

How did I get here? The sensation of a tube being removed from my nose reminded me of my escape from Starkiller Base, how I stuffed my pregnant body into that pod, seeing Ben's face for the last time...

I wailed harder, tears streaming down my face. He should be here with me- he should see the birth of his child. He'd protect me from this pain, use his Force powers to ease my suffering.

"Astrid, sweetie, I'm going to need you to push."

Looking up, I saw the wrinkled brown face of Galina, the healer woman on Maslot. Her hazel eyes brought me a modicum of comfort; she delivered Klint, she delivered Farrow, and she'd deliver this baby too.

As much pain as it caused me, I pushed forward, every pore on my body dripping sweat, the metallic scent of blood filling my nostrils. I thought back to the first nightmare I had on Starkiller, the one where a wolf ripped out of my womb, and the rest of the Breeders had to put me under the cold spigot water to snap me out of it. What if the child in my stomach was never pure and innocent, what if he was always the monster Snoke planned to turn him into? What if he killed me?

"No, no, do not give up on me now, we are so close, I can see his head."

But I could feel myself drifting. What did it matter if I lived? What did it matter if this baby lived? Forces beyond my control and comprehension had the power to rip me away from my family and destroy my life, so why should I bother sticking around in this bullshit galaxy?

"Please, Astrid." A warm hand laced its fingers through mine.

Blinking through the haze, I looked up into the eyes of my husband. Greyson and I shared similar green irises, which we passed onto both our sons, but his were always cooler, more collected, and framed long lashes that curled up towards his thick, dark brows. When he first asked me on a date, I remember thinking how impossibly beautiful he was and wondered why the only boy my age left on this quadrant of the planet would choose me.

If Greyson wanted me to live, if he still loved and cherished me after months of separation, even as I carried another's man's child, then I'd live.

"Keep going," Galina urged as I pushed, panting and crying from exhaustion and pain. "Almost there, you're so close!"

With one final shove, my body collapsed against the cot, utterly spent and twitching from trauma. Colors and smells and sensation started to blur into one another, melting into a nauseous pool of hyper-stimulation. I was vaguely aware of Greyson caressing my hair as Galina's assistant staunched my bleeding and tended to my wounds.

I heard someone declare, "It's a boy!" right before I passed out.

I awoke to harsh light, exacerbating my already agonizing headache. Blinking my tired eyes open, I became instantly aware of the throbbing between my legs, as well as the way the floor trembling slightly beneath me.

"Astrid? Are you awake?" Greyson asked.

Groaning, I rolled over, clutching my abdomen. "Unfortunately."

"Thank goodness."

My husband stood to embrace me, but I flinched away from him, making his face fall. Even though I went through all that heartache to return to him, I didn't want to Greyson to touch me. It felt wrong, like I was betraying Ben.

"Where is my son?" I asked, hoping that excused my coldness.

Smiling softly, he walked just out of sight, returning with a swaddling baby. My baby. As he slid the infant into my arms, I swore my heart would explode. A human body wasn't equipped to handle so my love, so much affection. The emotion swelled in my chest, nearly cutting off the oxygen to my lungs, making every cell in my body go warm.

Then my bed lurched to the side violently, but, thankfully, my newborn son didn't wake up.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"On a ship. We found someone to take us to the nearest Resistance hideout. And thanks to this," he said, holding up the silver saber handle, "they'll know they can trust us."

"Who's flying?"

"I don't know. We're going to have to get used to trusting strangers from now on."

"At least I have you."

He sat down on the edge of my bed, placing a hand delicately on my shin, the blanket separating us, clearly not wanting to spook me again. "And our sons."

I swallowed thickly, knowing he meant Kling and Farrow.

"All of our sons." Greyson reached forward, gently stroking the baby's wispy black hair, making tears spring to my eyes.

"I've ruined their lives," I whispered.

"Well, actually, I think you're the only reason they are alive, considering you birthed them."

Chuckling, he settled beside me, eventually getting me to giggle along and lay against his chest.

"I suppose they always wanted to go off-planet," I conceded.

"Yeah, it'll be a big adventure, just the five of us."

We snuggled closer, not saying what we honestly thought: this wouldn't be a pleasant excursion. For the foreseeable future, we'd be running from the First Order, just barely out of their grasp. One wrong move, and they'd capture us- capture me. We'd never see Maslot again, never see our parents again. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye...

Dabbing away the single tear that slid down my cheek, Greyson pressed his lips to my temple. "What are we gonna name this little guy? We could always name him after your dad or mine or your brother..."

I shook my head. "I already have a name in mind."

"What is it?"

Staring down at his tiny, precious face, I smiled, feeling almost at peace. "Ben."