Love and Hate ‒ ʰᶦᵗᵒˢʰᶦ ˢ.

seventeen

⚠️ tw: mentions of suicide, anxiety, and panic attacks

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TO DESCRIBE THE NEXT FEW SECONDS AFTER WHAT HAPPENED AT THE DINNER TABLE WAS DEVASTATING. In all honesty, all you could feel inside your heart was pain numbing every inch of your senses. As you closed the door to your room, you could still hear the wails of your mother downstairs, their muffled voices causing your whole body to tremble as you leaned back on the door, locking it before sliding down to the floor. You looked at your hands and you could feel your body stiffen as you let out an incredible gust of wind out of your system.

You closed your eyes as you felt your teeth clenching with one another—the emotions swirling and flowing through your veins was enough to make your breath hitch and your heartbeat quickened, your breathing unable to catch up sooner or later. Realizing what was happening, and the way your body reacted to you trying to move—you were having yet another panic attack. You wanted to scream but the way your throat tightened at each sound you tried to make was hurting your insides.

That's when your thoughts started to spiral again and again on the words your father had said—him regretting his choices, him regretting your mother, him telling you you'd be better off somewhere. It shook your bones to the point that the tears trickling down your cheek were warm with hatred and the coldness of your skin made every inch of you shiver. After a few minutes of deafening static and blurry visions, you managed to calm down and you felt yourself getting weak. The voices of your parents couldn't be heard anymore but you knew your mom on the other side of the hall was barely getting any better at handling the situation as well.

This was it. It was the last straw.

You stood up, not minding your wobbly figure walk over to where your bag was and fumbled inside its contents, trying to get to your phone. You dialed Hitoshi's number and the longer the line rang, your waterworks threatened to spill again but you inhaled sharply, thinking that he would pick up—hoping you could hear his voice at least one last time. Your ears heard his automated voicemail pick up and you sighed, ending the call and leaning on the side of the bed. 'He's probably still in his shift right now...' you thought as your fingers tapped on the keyboard. You decided to just leave him a text message and hope that Shota was right about him being your knight in shining armor.

Because damn, you really need some saving right now.

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YOU: Hey, Hitoshi.