Love and Hate ‒ ʰᶦᵗᵒˢʰᶦ ˢ.

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⚠️ tw: angst, (poetic) mentions of death

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𝒯𝒪 [REDACTED]

┕━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┙

JUNE 11, 20XX

DEAR DAD.

Words are not enough to explain how much sadness I have inside of me that most of the time concerns you. I know and I feel that you are just doing your best to guide me to the right path. Sometimes, I have no idea what goes on in your head and that frustrates me a lot because you always seem to make decisions without thinking about what we would feel. But no, I'm not going to write about that. No, pain is temporary and so is life. And at the end of mine, I don't want to hold any grudges. Perhaps, in another lifetime, I am able to be what you want me to be.

You have been the greatest father I could have ever asked for. You have molded me into what I am now and I know I could have had a promising future. It's weird that uncertainty knocks on your door and you find yourself staring in its eyes and it stares right back at you. Right now, I am uncertain what the future holds for me--for any of us. You awfully remind me a lot like dying; nobody really knows what's beyond it.

You are that millisecond before an athlete reaches the finish line--exhilirating yet at any given moment, they could win or lose depending on their speed. You are the familiarity of home, the warmth that brims out of the fireplace but I am outside, waiting in the snow, freezing.

You are the anger surging through my body; the avalanche of rage that falls down the steep mountains of despair. You are what I dread to feel the most because I know I will be blinded at the discourse that might happen. You are what makes me realize that I need to be calm to make the right decisions.

When I'm gone, I need you to promise me one thing, Dad. I hope you never let go of what kept you holding on for so long. You have worked hard enough to let us live the life we have now but it's been suffocating since you got that promotion. I want you to be comfortable with yourself and to know that it won't matter to us how many zeroes your salary has because at the end of the day, you have us and we will always work through it no matter what, right? Wasn't that what you always said when I was younger?

Promise me that you'll take better care of Eri and Mom because they're going to need it--a lot. I know you will be in need of taking care of and I'm sure they won't fail. Promise me that whatever happens, you will be the father I came to know years ago. Promise me that whatever happens, you will be the one that mother fell (and will always be) in love with. Promise me that whatever happens, you will always remember how much I love you.

Because I will too.

Thank you for everything, dad.

For the good and the bad.

For the right and the wrong.

I love you.

YOURS TRULY,
LOVE