Underneath My Feet [T. Shelby]

Heaven Knows

To those who may be new please read Underneath It All before you read this book. It will all make sense :)

Happy reading!

Tommy stared down at the grave beneath his feet and felt his knees buckle. As he fell into the mud he subconsciously felt his fingers dig into the ground. Anger and guilt radiating off him he pushed his head back and screamed out into the open.

Suddenly the sky opened upon his head and lashed him with cold rain, punishing him for not protecting what he loved most in this world. As the water began to sink into his clothes he silently wondered how long it would take to die from hypothermia. 

Tommy's skin from afar was pale, his eyes sunken from lack of sleep and his hair grown out. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the blood shed around him, his scream echoing in his ears as he tried to stop the events unfolding but it was too late. 

It had been his fault, he was so wrapped up in the bubble of happiness that he had let his guard down. Every sin that he had completed in his life had thrashed down upon his head like the rain today.

—-

Polly was pacing. It was never good when she paced. A cigarette in hand she began to harshly stub it out in the dish that was sat on Tommy's desk. It had been weeks since she last saw her nephew and she began to worry more when his brothers couldn't find him.

He had since that fateful day, only returning to the house to change his clothes but never to eat or sleep. Tommy was slowly punishing himself, pushing himself to an edge of oblivion to balance the books.

Arthur and John had tried to talk to him but he hadn't said a word in response. Polly wasn't sure if he had gone into the deep end.

Everyday when she opened her eyes, she remembered the look on Tommy's face as he held his  fiancé in his arms. Her gentle words as she tried to comfort him, his hands covering her wound as panic swirled around the couple.

Tommy had been so close to finally getting what he wanted. So close.

Just as Polly pulled herself together the front door slammed and in came her nephew covered in mud and soaking wet.

"Tommy you're soaking!" She hissed as she made her way over to him but he brushed past her to shake off his over coat.

"What is it Polly?" He drawled without looking her way. Polly was afraid to see his face so she let her eye's wander to his coat that was now dripping across the wooden floor.

"We're worried about you Tommy" she said, trying to find his eyes but he refused to look her way.

"Don't. I don't need your worry" and he slipped by her once again and made his way into the foyer and then up the stairs to change his clothes.

"You're killing yourself Tommy!" She called after him, her voice firm with conviction.

"Good" he mumbled back but only he could hear.
—-

Tommy had spent two days looking for the Lee clan, specifically Zilpha who he needed to speak to desperately. The anger that bubbled within him demanded answers to all the questions that haunted him and if he didn't find her he was pretty sure that he would reek havoc on any Lee that crossed his path.

It was cold morning when he stumbled upon their camp with his horse The Wind. The Wind huffed in a warning but Tommy ignored it, truth was he didn't have a fear left in him. Wild, angry and ready to do what he needed to balance his heart.

Johnny was the first to see him and paled but Tommy kept his gaze, he didn't want Johnny letting anyone know that he was here until he was ready. Tommy got down off his horse and lit a cigarette, the smoke hitting the back of his lungs and whooshing back out as he began to make his way into the camp.

"Tommy, I don't think ya should be ere'" Johnny said as he bustled to his side.

"I don't pay you to think" he drawled back

"Look Tom, what happened was a real shame but I don't know what you're going to get from er'"

Tommy stopped and two thoughts ran through his head. Shoot Johnny straight between his eyes or ignore him and keep moving. It was simple. Tommy kept moving, his auto pilot saving him from another war.

Tommy soon came to the familiar trailer and knocked loudly once. Zilpha opened the door and sighed, her long graying hair waving in the breeze.

"Come in" she mumbled.

Tommy didn't bother to wait nor did he take his shoes off. They where past pleasantries at this point. Zilpha was alone this time and seated at a small table in the middle of the room. Tommy stood opposite her and sized her up, sized the threat that she could be if this meeting went south. Tommy decided he didn't care either way.

"You took your time" she commented with her hands open.

"I've had nothing but time. What's the rush?" he hissed back before taking the seat in front of her and lighting another cigarette. Soon the small trailer began to fill with smoke but that still didn't tear Tommy's eye's away from the woman in front of him.

"Ask your questions Shelby or forever bite your tongue"

Tommy studied the way her eye's tried to pierce him and he almost smirked. Instead he flicked cigarette ash on her floor and waited for her to erupt. Instead she smiled and leaned back, she expected him to push.

"Did you know?" was all he asked.

Zilpha sighed "No, the event was set in stone that day. I cannot see what happens instantly- sometimes I'm far behind the train on the tracks"

Tommy glared at her, he wanted her to lie so that he had a reason to put a bullet in her head but instead he asked more questions.

"Is this set in stone for me now?"

"Oh no, no matter how much you push Mr Shelby or try to change your course.....what will be will be" and she began to chuckle under her breath, enjoying the torture of her vague answers.

"Is my brother- is he over to the other side?"

Zilpha stopped and placed her old frail hands onto the table as if to steady herself "He is. It was a transition for him at first but he's with your mother now, she's taking good care of him"

Tommy scratched the back of his head in confusion. Having not banked on this information he suddenly felt powerless. Every bone in his body began to ache and sink into the chair. Months of anguish and grief had finally caught up to him and he was pretty certain he was close to passing out from starvation or a nicotine overdose.

"Are you not going to ask me about her?" Zilpha inquired with one white eyebrow raised.

Tommy suddenly snapped his eyes towards her "No, I don't need you to tell me about her" and he stood up, dusted off his trousers and made his way towards the small door.

"You're a fool Mr Shelby" Zilpha remarked from behind him "A damn fool that's walking a dangerous line"

Tommy smirked before bidding her goodbye and heading out into the camp. Tommy Shelby, a fool? before he would of laughed at the thought but as he made his way back to his horse, the memories attached to the great beast laughed back. Oh he was a fool. 

Tommy Shelby had fallen down so hard that he couldn't remember what it was like to be up. Even his horse greeted him with pity.

"Now boy don't stare at me like that" he whispered as he stroked The Winds nose "You don't know the half of it" the horse huffed in disagreement and pulled away his nose. Tommy clicked his tongue to make him return and pulled on his reigns.

"Cmon' boy lets get out of ere'"

-----

Oh my god what do you think? The plans that I have....oh I'm so bloody excited.