Little Bambina

Fourteen

Allison

I woke up to the buzzing of my phone underneath my pillow. Who's calling me now? I check the time before answering to the unknown number. Its freaking four a.m.
"Hello?"
"Bambina?" Says a deep voice belonging to none other than Luca.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! Do you know what time it is? I was sleeping, Luca. I told you to give me space and when you said you'll call I thought you meant like later on not now. What do you want?" I whisper yell not wanting to raise my voice in case I wake my dad up. I hear him groan on the other side. I bet he didn't like that, well he can't touch me now cause he's not here.
"I am well aware of the time, Beauty. Now be a good girl and apologize for talking to me the way you did."
"No." I say stubbornly.
"No?"
"No."
"Okay, bambina. No problem." He shockingly responds.
"Wait, really?" I have to make sure that he's not kidding me. I'm very skeptical about his calm demeanor. Maybe he wants to trick me.
"Yes, really." He assures me but I still have my doubts.

"Okay, why are you calling?"
"I wanted to tell you something I forgot to mention earlier."
"And you thought the best time to call and tell me that was at four in the morning? Great."
"Bambina, this is serious. I wouldn't be calling if it wasn't serious."
"Oh my god, are you okay? Are you in some sort of trouble?" I sit up on my bed panicking.
"I'm good, Beauty. I just wanted to let you know that you should never tell anyone my full name."
He says seriously. Gosh, I'm confused.
"I don't understand. Why?"
"I use my parents last name, Bonfonelli, as an alias because people on the streets know a Luca De Santo and I don't want anyone knowing who I really am. Only your father knows and you now. Do you understand?"

So this is what he woke me up for? This is what he said was serious? He disturbed my sleep for this? He could have called me later to tell me this. And if he knew me or about me he'd know that my only friend is Kells. Can't really make friends when you're home schooled can you now.

I understand that it's important to him but that doesn't give him the right to call me at this time. Can he be a little more respectful.

Being annoyed by this I don't answer but hang up and switch my phone off. I'll deal with him later. I sigh happily returning to my slumber.

                                                 °°°

I knock on my dad's bedroom door with shaky hands. I'm scared about the talk I'm about to have with him. Will he tell me the truth or just not answer me like he most times. Maybe he'll tell me that what Luca said is not true. I hear him tell me to come in and I slowly open the door and get in.

"Buenos días, papá." I greet him shyly. (Good morning, dad.)
"Buenos días, mija. Ven, siéntate por la cama al lado de mi." (Good morning, daughter. Come, sit on the bed next to me.)
I go sit by his bed and start to play with my fingers.
"Dime, ¿qué pasa? ¿Por qué te vas tan triste? ¿Luca te hice algo?" He asks the last question angrily. (Tell me, what happened? Why do you look so sad? Did Luca do something to you?)

"No, papá. Solo que... Es que el me dijo algo que no puedo creer. Es verdad, ¿papá?"  (No, dad. It's  just that... Its that he told me something I can't believe. Is it true, dad?) 

I look at him crying hoping he'll tell me that it's not true and that Luca lied to me.
"¿Qué te dijo, Allison?" He asks menacingly. (What did he tell you, Allison?)

I swallow the lump in my throat. Scared to ask him directly. But if I don't ask I'll never know.
"¿Es verdad que vendes drogas?" (Is it true that you sell drugs?)

"¡¿Qué?! ¡Por qué te dijo eso!" He exclaims jumping out of his bed.  (What?! Why did he tell you that!)
"Ese imbécil. Lo mataré." He threatens. (That imbecile. I'll kill him.)

"Entonces, es verdad. Como pudiera hacer esto? Cómo que mi papá es un criminal? No lo puedo creer. Es una mentira. Oh my god... Qué hiciste a mi mamá?"
(So,it's true. How could you do that? How can my father be a criminal? I can't believe it. Its a lie. Oh my god... What have you done to my mother?)

"De qué coño hablas? El te dijo que hice algo a su puta madre?"
(What the fuck are you talking about? He told you that I did something to your fucking mother?)
"¡Ella no es una puta madre! Tal vez es por todo lo que tu haces que ella decidió ir con otro hombre." I stand up and harshly wipe the tears from my face.
(She is not a fucking mother! Maybe that's why she left with another man because of what you do.)

"¡Basta!" He yells at me frightening me. (Enough!)
"Sale de mi cuarto, ahora. Ni tu ni tu mamá ni nadie tiene el derecho de interrogarme. Hago todo lo que hago para ti, para que no sufres. No voy a permitir este puta falta de respecto."
(Get out of my room, now. Not you nor your mother or anyone has the right to interrogate me. I do what I do for you, so that you don't suffer. I will not allow this fucking disrespect.)
He says gritting his teeth. I'm shocked to the point that I'm still standing where I am not moving at all. Never has my dad ever spoken to me like this. He has raised his voice at me a few times but never to this extent. Who is this man I call my father?

He grabs my arm harshly dragging me to the door.
"Te dije que se vaya de mi cuarto."  (I told you to leave my room.) He throws me out then slams the door in my face. I stand there paralised still processing what just happened. Who the hell was that man and what has he done to my father?

I run back to my room with blurry eyes. Damn these tears. I sniff trying to hold back the tears but I end up breaking down when I reach my room.

He didn't even deny that he sells drugs. He confessed it. He's a fucking drug dealer. Luca was right. All my life I thought I knew who my father was but clearly that's not true. I had no clue about what he does. I have been so oblivious and ignorant. I never thought he was capable of dealing with drugs. Oh my god... I've been living with a criminal my whole life. What if he gets caught? Then what? And how could he refer to my mother like that? I now understand why she ran away with another man but I wish she took me with her.

Maybe she didn't because my dad may have threatened her or something. Like how dangerous is he?
And he treated me roughly. He's never done that before.

I just need to get away from here. I should probably head out to Kells's place but I can't confide in her about all of this. I don't want her knowing about my drug dealing father and Luca. With the way I'm feeling I swear I'll just tell her everything because I need some sort of comfort. I guess I have to cancel meeting up with her now.

I just need someone to tell me that it's going to okay or that I'm dreaming. Just something, anything but being alone in this room. I just need someone to talk to. I don't want to talk Luca cause I feel like he's not the type to listen, I don't know maybe I'm wrong. And then there's Carlos who I'm not allowed to think about. He seems sweet but he's a big no cause I don't want to get into some sort of trouble with Luca, he seems a little bit unstabel. One moment he's all loving and the next he'll have a hand around my throat.

I don't know what to do. Ugh! I cover my face with a pillow. I hate this feeling. I wish my mom was here.