Anxiety...

chapter 10 <3

we got to the house and i saw ashton. i got out and he started staring at me. i blushed and he held his hand out to me. i hesitated, but i took it and walked it.

right as we walked in, i could smell beer and sweaty bodies as they grind up against each other. i nudged up against ashtons side and he put his arm around me. i have no idea how people can be comfortable with this.

after a while, ashton turned to me and said, "listen, i know you dont want to be here. i can tell. so do you want to go up to one of the rooms and get to know eachother better?" he smiled a genuine smile as i nodded in response.

he guided me up to a random room in the hall. it was covered with band posters and tons of books and a king size bed in the corner. i sat on the bed and crossed my legs, and ashton repeated my actions.

it was quite silent, considering i was very nervous and didnt know what to say. he looked at me and smiled. i could feel my heart flutter and beat faster. i blushed and said, "why are you looking at me like that?"

"well, considering i dont know anything about you, all i do know is your name and that youre very beautiful." omg. did he just. call. me. beautiful.

"thank you. it means a lot." i smiled.

"so.. i guess ill start. im ashton irwin. i was born and raised in Sydney, Australia. im 20 years old and i love bands." he said.

"well.. im mackenzie stillings. i was born and raised in california. im 19 years old and i love food. i also have very bad anxiety so i hate big crowds, like the mall and parties like this," i said while scratching the back of my neck.

he looked at me seriously for a moment. "that guy that slapped you.. who was he?" wow. that was unexpected.

"um.. that was my exboyfriend. he abused me and i never made him stop. i guess im used to it." i sighed and a tear went down my cheek. he wiped it away and held his arms out to me. i didnt even hesitate this time. i jumped into his arms and started crying.

"its okay, babe. its okay. you dont deserve this. youre beautiful, and strong. youll get through this. i can tell that youre broken and scared inside. and its my priority to keep you safe, and to fix you. i may sound demanding, but i care about you, kenzie. i really do." he said.

i cuddled into his chest and he ended up laying down on the bed. sure, i may be taking this too fast, but ashton really does care about me. i can tell. so why push someone away that cares about me?

ashton wrapped his arms around me tight, but i was comfortable. he kissed the top of my forehead and i smiled to myself and eventually, i fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat in my ear.