Anxiety...

chapter 5

i woke up the next morning and instantly felt a pain in my lower stomach. oh crap. woman problems again.

i got up and did my business in the bathroom. when i was done, i heard a knock at the door. i walked downstairs and opened the door. there stood ashton. curly headed boy with the gorgeous smile.

me, being in short shorts and a tank top, instantly got insecure and slammed the door in his face. i could hear him say, "kenzie? are you okay?"

when i calmed down, i opened the door and said, "im sorry.. you just took me by surprise.." i shyly said.

"oh im sorry.. well, i was hoping that we could hang out today? maybe go out to get coffee?" he asked. i blushed, thinking that someone as cute as him wanting to be with me. out in public.

i smiled and said, "well um.. i was actually planning on staying at home and watching a few movies because im pretty tired.. if you would like, you can come in?"

he smiled back and said, "i would love to!" and walked in. "you have a beautiful house. do you live alone?" he asked.

"yeah.. my parents passed away last summer.. so i live on my own." i mumbled. he looked at me and did something that i wouldve never thought would happen. he hugged me.

i started shaking and i couldnt move. my head my spinning and i almost started crying. "ashton.. p-please l-let go.." he pulled away quickly and looked at me, shocked.

"kenzie, im so so sorry.. i didnt know you would get scared.. maybe i should go.." he started walking to the door.

"wait ash.. its not you, i have really bad anxiety. i get scared when people make eye contact, or touch me. i have no idea why im telling you this because i havent told anyone other than tori because i trust her the most and-" i was cut off by ashton hugging me again. this time, i didnt shake. i smiled. i slowly hugged him back. i felt him pick me up and lay me on the couch, with his arms wrapped around me and my face buried in his chest. it was so warm. like, ive known him forever. just this moment with him felt like.. i dont know. i felt happy.

"im sorry for making a big move. i just wanted to hold you.. you seem so fragile and deep down, i know you just want someone to hold you." he wasnt completely wrong. all my life, i wanted someone to just hold me. but i was too scared of being broken to even go near someone. even now, im scared. im happy, but im also scared.

in responce, i just snuggled into his chest even more. i tightly wrapped my arms around him.

"kenzie, im gonna turn on netflix. you might wanna let go.." but the thing is, for the first time, i didnt want to let go. i never had to let go of anything bc i never got close. but now, i dont want to. but i had to.

i gently let go and fell back on the couch. luckily, he quickly put on netflix and we turned on Tarzan. one of my favorite childhood movies. i smiled. "howd you know?"

"know what?" he asked.

"that i love this movie." i giggled.

"i guess im just good at listening." he smiled.