Starting from Scratch

CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER FIVE

Alicia

But love like that doesn't just disappear, does it? No matter how powerful the hate, there is always a little love left, underneath. Yes, horrible, isn't it?

~N. K. Jemisin, The Hundred Thousands Kingdom

            "How is he?" Chris asked as Arden came back into the room.

            "I'll talk to him," he then said. He walked outside of the room.

            For a long while, I was silent. I didn't realise that I was the one who had spoken when I asked, "Does he know what he's dreaming about?"

Arden shook his head. "So far, no. For a split second, he'll remember, but it goes away too fast for him to recall any type of detail whatsoever. It's as if it's wiped from his memory."

            "Nobody's told him," I questioned in exasperation.

            Arden's lips parted then closed again as he tried to search for the right words. I raised my eyebrows and willed him to speak.

            "Why," I breathed

            He glanced down then back at me. "It's always about Jason in some shape or form." I felt frozen and felt my stomach churn.

That's why I'm here.

            As Christian reentered the room, all of us held our breath, awaiting an answer. He shook his head in defeat. "I think he's planning on staying in there all night. He wouldn't even open the door."

            "I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

            "Jason was mad," Louis said. I looked at him despondently. "Don't blame this on yourself otherwise he still wins. We can't help Leo if he still wins." I nodded as I wiped the corner of my eyes.

            I licked my lips, "I should go back to my room."

    Christian nodded, "Yeah, yeah, I guess so."

            "Thanks for your help," Alex said.

            "Of course," I said, giving a small smile. He smiled back.

            "I can walk you back to your room," Arden quietly said.

            "Could I?"

We all paused before looking back at the unnerved, flushed bloke. I felt my heart skip at the sound of his voice. He began to walk over to me. "You sure?" Arden asked.

            "Of course. I'm not that-" He stopped as his voice grew quicker. I could see his hands curl into tight fists in spite of himself until. I unexpectedly latched my hand to one of his fists and the white shaking nerves that portrayed through the veins in the backs of his hands soon calmed and disappeared. "I'll be okay."

            I glanced at Arden and swallowed, but he knew as well as I that Leo needed to do this. It was not just walking me back to the hotel room I was staying in. This was something much more, it was something to prove, not only to everyone else, but to himself.

***

            We walked down the hallway in silence, an awkward silence that I had only once noticed between the two of us. I remembered back to first meeting Leo and swallowed at the memory of his flushed face then when I had rejected hugging him as greeting. A smile almost crossed my face at the memory, but quickly left as I noticed his darting eyes. Getting to the lift, he reached forward, two fingers hovering over the top button. His darting eyes now fully gawked my way as he waited for approval of it being the right gesture; I nodded as response. But as we stood next to one another in silence, his darting eyes going to me then back to the floor every few seconds, I felt eerie and couldn't take anymore of it. I turned and looked up at him condescendingly as I asked, "Why are you looking at me like that," in a rather desperate tone.