Rising sun.

It's too late.

Cas’ P.O.V

Charlie is staring at me weirdly. Her lips quivering, her eyes wide with fear. “Charlie?” I ask, quirking an eyebrow at her taking a cautious step towards her. “NO!” she cried, staggering back again.

With each deep, shaky breathe she took she’d grasp her chest in panic staggering back towards the wall. “Charlie, come on” Dean said softly but firmly from beside me, and I unintenionally flinched away from him. “CHARLIE” Gabriel shouted, as Charlie wilted to the floor right after she let out a large breathe.

~

“Charlie” I asked, darting to her side when her eyes cracked open.

We had dragged her onto our bed, where she slept soundlessely for twenty anxious minutes. I gripped her hand, trying not to look at Dean for once.

“Cas” she croaked.

Her eyes darted around the room warily before they connected with mine finaly. “Oh my god Charlie, what the hell was that?” I asked frantically pulling her in for a hug.

She scared the shit out of all of us, “I’m sorry. I guess I haven’t been getting much sleep, I think I was hallucinating.” she whispered, glancing up at me nervously.

“Jesus christ. We’re going to a therapist or doctor in the morning, you can take the couch and I can have the stretcher.” I said, and Dean whined behind me.

“Ah, Cas where am I going to sleep?” Gabriel interupted and I cursed under my breathe.

“Fine, you can have th stretcher I’ll sleep in here I guess.” Gabe rolled his eyes as Dean pulled Charlie out of our bed and into the living room, leaving me alone with Gabe. “Cas you don’t have to be so harsh with him, you know.” He says sternly.

I snorted and got up to sit on the edge of the bed, “Like you know. He made a promise, a promise I thought he’d need to keep. But I guess he doesn’t want this life. This is all so wrong, it wasn’t meant to be like this.” I sigh into my hands.

And for once I was out of tears, Dean could want me or not, I didn’t want to care anymore. “Castiel, just promise me you’re not going to give up on him. I just need to hear you say it” he said, gripping my forearm hard enough for me to look over at him.

I frowned and fiddled with my engagement ring. “That’s just it Gabe, he already has.”

“No he hasn’t Cas, if he had he wouldn’t be here, now would he. He was scared Cas, just like you were in that bathroom. He was scared of losing you, of losing what he knows he can’t live without. He knew that there was a possibility you weren’t coming back and he was vulnerable Cas, again just like you are at home. Don’t let Lucifer ruin what you have here. You’re not who you were, you’re so much more with Dean.” He said, his eyes fierce.

I sigh and lean into his side as Dean walks into the room, “Thank you” I whisper as he goes to leave.

As soon as Dean makes it to the bed, I get up and walk into th bathroom. I can’t do it, no matter how right Gabe was, I needed time to figure out how I felt about Dean and not needing me, or needing me. If Gabriel was right or wrong.

If Charlie was okay.

I can hear Dean pacing, I know he only does that when he’s anxiuos or upset. It kills me that I’ve done this to him. What am I doing?

What is he doing?

We’ve fixed each other, and I’m letting this pull us apart.

Dear Cas,

I can’t, how am I to know if he wants to live or not. Gabe could be right but what if he’s wrong. I can’t and I won’t live without Dean, but that’s not my choice, if Dean doesn’t want to live without me, if he’s not happy with me than that means I have to let him go.

How do I even start?

How can we even start a life together with so much doubt lining the borders.

I’m poison in the veins of humanity.

What if we were poisoning each other and niether of us can fix this?

And I can’t break you.

Well I’m already broken.

A/N: sorry for the short chapter, I thought it'd be more of an effective story it went this way, but again apologies.