T/W- Heavy disscusions of mental health and panic attacks
Relief-a feeling of reassurance and relaxation following release from anxiety or distress
I rattled my keys through the lock on my apartment swinging the door open. Before I could even take off my shoes I heard my mom making her way towards me.
"Jonah hi are you alright?" She asked nervously
"Yeah why?"
"Your school called well your principle called really she said she's worried about you?"
Great I guess I'm having this conversation now.
"Actually I need too... talk to you about something"
"Sure thing sweetie"
"Is dad home?" I asked
"No"
"Can we wait till he gets back?"
She noticed the fear on my face and nodded softly in response with that I went off to my room trying to prepare what I was going to say.
---
Soon enough dad came home in time for dinner my mom made a lasagne which is usually my favourite but I was so nervous I could hardly bring myself to eat but I forced myself trying seem as normal as possible. But all too quickly we were finished the plates put in the dishwasher as we all sat back down at the table.
"Jonah said that there's something he wants to tell us" My mom informed my dad.
"Well go ahead son" my dad encouraged
"U-um well I..."
I'd spent hours trying to formulate some kind of speech but my mouth went dry and my mind completely blank.
"Jonah"
My mom snapped me out of my thoughts putting her hand on top of mine I didn't even realise it was shaking.
"You can tell us anything honey you know that right?"
"I-I know it's just-" I started only for my dad to cut me off
"Oh I think I know what this is" He said
"Y-you do?"
"Yes and you should know it's okay we don't love you any less"
"What do you mean?" I asked I confused
"Look Jonah we don't care about you being gay you're still our son and-"
"No dad that's not it" I interrupted
"Oh... well what are you trying to tell us? Is everything okay?"
"No" I sighed deeply "I'm not okay"
I looked up to see their reactions but they looked at me concerned pressing for me to continue I felt sick my dinner threatened to make a reappearance but I swallowed and carried on.
"M-my mental health it's pretty bad" I scoffed at how sad that actually sounded I just didn't know any other way to put it.
"Can you explain Jonah? And don't feel rushed take your time" My mom reassured
"W-well I never told you guys this but I've been getting panic attacks"
Their eyes went wide for a second trying to take in this news
"Okay for how long?" My dad asked
"Since I was... Thirteen" I confessed
"What!" My dad gasped in shock
"Jonah you're almost Sixteen that means it was nearly three years ago... oh my god three years" my mom said putting a hand over her mouth.
I looked down tears stinging my eyes I knew this was a bad idea now they're dissapointed in me.
"Jonah why didn't you tell us?" My dad said softly
"I don't know I was handling them and I know this sounds like I'm making excuses but with the bankruptcy I didn't want to worry you guys... But now the attacks are getting worse I feel horrible all the time I push away my friends I hate it and I hate myself" My voice wobbled
"Sweetheart we are your parents we'll always worry about you really you should've come to us sooner" My mom said squeezing my hand
"I know but I just feel like I need to be happy all the time and be this perfect son so I don't dissapoint you guys... But now I have"
Tears rolled down my face my dad stood up and knelt down in front of where I was sitting putting a hand on my knee.
"You could never dissapoint us Jo we're just upset because you've been dealing with this alone you do not have to be perfect all the time you're human you're also always going to be our boy and we are going to do everything we can to help you"
I was a mess at this point barley being able to contain my cries I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around my dad's kneck tears falling onto his shoulder. He hugged back tightly softly kissing the side of my head.
"Thank you dad" I choked
"It's alright I love you Jonah so much"
I felt my mom wrap her arms around me from behind my body shook as I continued to cry. She kissed the back of my head softly whispering reassurances. A great feeling of relief washed over me I finally didn't have to hide from my parents anymore.
Sorry this is short and took a while to update but I'll get back to normal updates :)
Love lj xx
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Feelings are fatal
Fanfiction"I'm always sad and I'm always lonely but I'd never tell you that I'm breaking slowly" As Jonah enters high school with his friends it appears harder than he expected. With the feeling that he's losing his friends and his anxiety getting worse he kn...
