Anxiety- A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.
My mom took me out of my room into the living room. Not leaving my side until I was comfortable. She got me a glass of water placing it in my shaking hand she gently ran her hand through my hair as I took slow sips.
"Jonah... do you want to tell me what's going on?" She asked softly
I shook my head the fact that she saw me like this is embarrassing enough. I don't want to start bothering her with my problems.
"Well whenever you're ready I will listen to you I promise" She smiled.
I know my mom probably meant this she's always trying to get me to talk about my feelings especially after the bankruptcy. I can't imagine telling her that I've been having panic attacks since I was thirteen.
"A-actually" I breathed "I want to go for a walk... please"
"Yes of course do you want me to come with you?"
"No I'm good" I reassured
I wasn't really just going for a walk. I needed to make things right with the one person I knew I could speak too. That is if he would speak to me.
I arrived in front of Cyrus's house hoping he wasn't staying at his dad's house this weekend because that was across town. I knocked on the door trying to stop my hands from shaking.
Cyrus was the one who opened the door but he tried to close it when he saw me I stopped him with hands.
"Cyrus please I want to apologise"
"For what Jonah? Throwing me out of your house or pushing away everyone who's tried to help you?" He said crossing his arms
"All of it okay I am sorry really I-I've never been more sorry about anything I'm begging you to at least hear me out" I pleaded
Cyrus looked down at my shaking hands his eyes softened looking back at me he knew that I was being genuine. He opened the door letting me in. We made our way to the living room I had always liked Cyrus's house it had a very welcoming feeling but at this moment I could only feel tense.
"Look Cy-" The boy raised his hand to stop me talking.
"I want to talk first" I nodded
"Jonah I was only mad because I care about you and I didn't know what was bothering and the thought that you're going through something alone made me angry because I want to be able to help you"
Tears started to form in my eyes he always cared of course he did he's Cyrus I've been a total idiot.
"I didn't mean to push you away. Not you or T.J, Buffy, Andi, Marty or anyone else I just feel so..." I searched my brain for the right words but I was struggling.
"It's okay get there..." Cyrus encouraged
"I feel like my life over the past few months has been slow whilst everyone else's has been full speed ahead you've all got these great things going for you, you're all two steps ahead and I feel this pressure to keep up or I'm gonna be left behind or forgotten about and it's terrifying"
I let out a shaky breath after my rant putting my shaking hands on my face I didn't dare look up at Cyrus he must think I'm weak.
"I'm sorry you must think I'm... over dramatic"
"No no I would never think that" Cyrus said pretty firmly "Jonah I had no idea you felt this way... I'm so sorry"
We sat in silence for a little unsure of what to say next. There was something I needed to tell him but I my brain kept going back forth it was exhausting.
"Hey" Cyrus whispered gently "Try to relax it's just you and me"
He placed a hand on my shoulder I took a deep breath.
"They're worse" I started "My p-panic attacks they've become intense and er... frequent"
"Oh Jonah why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"Because I know what you're going to say" my voice was raised slightly "You'll tell me to go to therapy or something a-and it scares me the idea of therapy but what scares me even more is telling my parents"
I stood up shaking out my hands I was ready bolt for the door but Cyrus's firm grasp on my shoulder kept me from doing that
"Your parents don't know? Look I know it's scary to tell them something like this believe me I know but they only want what's best for you as cliche as it sounds"
"No I can't they'll be so dissapointed that kept this from them well it's not like I don't already keep secrets you're probably dissapointed in me"
Running a hand through my hair I turned away from Cyrus was tears rolled down my cheeks.
"Hey it's okay come here it's okay"
I let Cyrus comfort me as we hugged I rested my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back whispering reassurances.
"What's gonna happen to me?" I whispered
"Nothing... nothing bad but I'm going to do everything I can support you" he said as we continued the hug.
"Thanks Cyrus"
"I can help you if you let me"
I nodded my head as much as my brain was screaming at me to push him away again and tell him that I don't need help I let him continue to comfort me.
This was a short one but I hope you guys are liking it so far and that you're all staying safe <3
Love lj xx
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Feelings are fatal
Fiksi Penggemar"I'm always sad and I'm always lonely but I'd never tell you that I'm breaking slowly" As Jonah enters high school with his friends it appears harder than he expected. With the feeling that he's losing his friends and his anxiety getting worse he kn...
