Feelings are fatal

Panic! At the spoon

T/W- panic attacks, mentions of vomiting.

-worry: feel or cause to feel anxious or troubled about actual or potential problems.

Sometimes I struggle to sleep.

I find it hard when something is on my mind or bugging me.

I don't think I should be too stressed about anything nothing bad has happened my panic attacks haven't made an appearance in a while the last one I had was during finals week in middle school and it wasn't as bad as the others. I'm not dating anyone. I don't intend too.

What could it be? Sure I've had a rough start in high school but that's not irregular everyone in movies have really bad high school experiences anyways they seem to do fine by the end. The past week was pretty calm I had chemistry a couple times with Cyrus again he told me about TJ going up for the basketball team and how he's going to support him. Andi also told me she going to throw herself into her art work but still make time to see Buffy and Cyrus but she didn't mention me.

But why am I so bothered by it?

I still laid in my bed staring at the ceiling at what I think is nearly 3am. I get up and head to the kitchen flicking on the light and as quietly as I can make myself some coffee.

I know coffee isn't the best thing to help but without it I'll sleep for half the day.

I started to think or over think really.

How come I feel like such an outsider recently? I've been in school for only one week.

Why do I feel like even my own friends don't know me? Or recognise that I can't be friends with everyone?

These thoughts stirred around in my brain I didn't want to think about it anymore so I went back to bed trying to block out my thoughts.

---

The following morning I had made plans to hang out with Cyrus the warm air felt welcoming and relaxing it was... serene. It felt nice to be this happy as I made way to the spoon it could of been the beginning of a coming of age movie.

I walked a little faster than I should have been walking anyways I was early but really excited to be with Cyrus. I hadn't been able to hang out with him properly since... I don't know most likely when he started dating TJ which is fine because it's his first boyfriend I really don't mind. I just miss him. In the most platonic way possible he's my best friend like a brother to me. I miss spending time like we used too but today's an improvement.

I walked in to see Cyrus sitting at a booth but TJ was there his arm drapped around his shoulders.

Oh. He didn't tell me he was coming.

"Hey Cyrus... and TJ" I spoke slowly sitting down opposite the couple.

"Hi Jonah" Cyrus greeted "I hope you don't mind TJ joining us I mean we are going on a date later so we figured-"

"Oh a date? Sorry I... I didn't know maybe I should leave"

Why did I apologise? I asked Cyrus to hangout and he just randomly let TJ join us I like TJ he's cool a but I was hoping to be just the two of us.

"No it's alright stay we don't mind" TJ reassured.

We ordered some milkshakes even though I barley drank mine. Why couldn't Cyrus just tell me TJ would be here I'm not always so easy going. Well even if he did ask I would of said: