Halos buong araw kaming nakatambay sa library. Binigyan kasi kami ng teachers namin ng mga activities na kailangan ipasa agad sa araw na 'yon. Hindi na kami halos magkausap ng mga kaibigan ko dahil puro kami sulat.
"Oh my god, feeling ko hindi ko na magalaw mga kamay ko!" Halos paiyak na si Kim.
"Wag kang puro reklamo dyan, madami pa tayong isusulat." Si Arthur, nakasimangot.
"Tumahimik nalang para matapos na agad." Pahabol ni Nina.
Gusto ko na din magreklamo pero ayaw ko ng dumagdag. Nagpatuloy nalang ako sa pagsusulat. Seryoso ako sa ginagawa at napahinto dahil sa tunog ng cellphone ko. Napatingin din silang tatlo kaya kinuha ko iyon at nilagay sa bag.
"Kanina pa 'yan ah, hindi mo sasagutin? Baka importante." Seryosong sabi ni Nina, nginitian ko lang siya.
"Sino ba 'yun?" Arthur asked while brows furrowed. Tumigil na din tuloy si Kim sa pagsusulat at tumingin sa akin.
"Oo nga, sino ba 'yan? Bakit di mo sagutin? May tinatago ka ba sa amin?" Taas kilay niyang sabi.
Napaayos ako ng upo saka bumuntong-hininga.
"Nothing important." I said and stayed quite dahil baka masita pa kami ng librarian.
"Hay salamat natapos din!" Bulalas ni Kim nung nakalabas na kami ng library pagkatapos ng ilang oras. I almost shouted when my phone vibrated because of shock so I took it out from my bag and frowned when I saw who texted. It vibrated again because of a call.
"Sagutin mo na yan para matahimik." Seryosong sabi ni Arthur kaya lumayo muna ako sa kanila bago ito sinagot.
"What do you want?" I said frankly to Rainier. Kanina pa ako naiinis sa pang-iistorbo niya.
"I texted and called you for many times since last week, why aren't you responding? Do we have a problem, Alys?"
I sighed after hearing his voice. He seemed to be worried. It's been 3 weeks since he confessed to me and I am not letting him see me in school. I am obviously avoiding him because I don't want to let this become big thing for me. I am just protecting myself and also, my condition. Halos araw-araw na akong sinusumpong na minsan ay hindi na makontrol ng gamot ang sakit ng ulo ko. I inhaled deeply before answering.
"Wala. Do I need to entertain your texts and calls? I also have things to do, Rain, and I know you too are busy."
"You are avoiding me." It's obviously a statement. He did not let me confirm it but I answered.
"No, I'm not. I'm just busy. Can't I have some personal space from you? " I almost whispered the words to him.
"Is it because of what I've said last 3 weeks? Are you doubting my feelings for you?"
When someone confessed, a person should be happy right? But why do I feel hurt? Why does it adds the burden that I am carrying? Why am I suffering since he came?
"If you don't have anything to say, I'll hang up now. Goodbye, Rain."
I return to my friends and walked with them when I received a text.
From Rain:
I won't stop liking you.
Napapikit ako saka binalik ang cellphone aking bag. Arthur looked worried at me so I smiled at him and cling my right hand in between his left arm.
The next day ay medyo maluwang ang aking class schedule kaya hindi ko inagahan ang pagpunta sa school. But I still woke up early so I was able to eat breakfast with my parents. They asked me for few things. School, condition, the people I met and talk. It's their daily routine so I am already used in aswering them. Except for this one.
"Do you know someone named Rainier Ferrer?" Mother said with her serious voice. I stopped eating and blinked twice before I nodded.
"Is he disturbing you in school?"
Umiling ako. He is, but I don't want to make this topic long. She just raised her eyebrows and then continue eating.
"Someone said he's been with you these days. Is it true?"
Kinabahan ako pagkatapos marinig ang sinabi ni papa. Sino naman ang nagsumbong? Was it her friends?
"He has to do something with me so I kind of helped him. That's it." They stared at me.
Halata sigurong kabado ako kaya ngumiti si papa habang napangisi naman si mama.
"Relax, hija. We're just asking you. It's okay with us if you have something with him."
"He said he likes me." They stopped eating and looked at me as I spilled the bean.
My mother blinked twice before asking me.
"And you? Do you feel the same way to him?"
"Hija, it's okay to like someone especially if this someone is like him. I heard he has a good reputation in school? He'll be a good match to you, Alys."
I can't help but smile to what my father said. And became teary-eyed which made them panick. I know they are just being supportive. But sometimes, I want them to stop being like that.
My mom stood up and then went to my seat.
"Something wrong, hija? Why are you crying?"
"I c-can't like him. You know that."
Liking him will only turn to love and it's dangerous, too dangerous for me. Ngayon pa nga lang na nagconfess siya sa akin, hirap na ako. Paano pa kaya kapag ako naman yung mahulog sa kanya? It will only make the situation worst. Umagang-umaga pero ito ako sa hapagkainan, umiiyak. What a good day to start nga naman.
My mom is patting my shoulder while father is looking problematic while his gaze is on me. Pinalinis niya ang lamesa saka kami nagpatuloy sa pag-uusap.
"There are things in this world that we can't have easily, anak. But will you just give up like that just because of your condition? We are not limiting your happiness, we are just making you live longer. All we wanted is your happiness. If you love someone or something, tell us. Don't let your condition limits your actions and decisions."
"I may be strict to you sometimes but I just want you to be happy and to live longer, Alys. If loving someone can make you happy, we won't be a hindrance to that."
Mas lalo akong naiyak dahil sa sinabi nila. Para bang nalabas lahat ng hinanakit ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. I have already decided of what I am going to do. I've been thinking deeply these past few weeks sa kung anong gagawin ko. Sana nga lang hindi ako magsisi.
"I have decided." They looked at me as I spoke so I continued.
"I will proceed to what my doctor said."
The chemotherapy. They're shocked, about to protest but I continued.
"I will stop schooling after this month. I will stay in the hospital. I will be the one to explain the situation to my friends and him." I looked at their shocked face and then smiled.
"I hope you will grant my wish. This will be the last. Maybe."
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