Days passed by normally. I keep on attending classes. Eat with my friends and sometimes hang out with them. Somehow, I did not feel any pain when I'm with them. Ilang linggo na ding tahimik ang buhay ko sa school. Parang nakakapanibago. I was used to the fact that I am already used to silence, but why am I already not used to it now? Parang may hinahanap ang mata ko. Kusang lumilingon sa paligid, parang may hinahanap.
"Good morning, Rainier!"
"Hi, Rain!"
"Oy Rain, busyng-busy tayo ah?"
My eyes automatically landed on Rainier who is walking confidently in the hallway with his things on his hands. Nakakunot-noo ito habang may binabasang papel at minsang ngumingiti sa mga estudyanteng bumabati sa kanya. He did not notice me, not until Kim caught his attention. Ang ingay niya kasi kaya napatingin ito sa amin.
"Ay. Hi, Rain! Sorry sa storbo." May hiyang sabi ni Kim sa kanya. Tipid itong ngumiti saka binalik ang tingin sa papel. Nilagpasan niya kami. I smiled bitterly while looking at him as he walk away. So he gave up on me? Asan na yung sinasabi niyang "I won't stop liking you."?
Patapos na ang panghapong klase at unti-unti ng nagsisilabasan ang mga kaklase ko. Inaya na din nila akong umuwi kaya inayos ko ang aking gamit bago tumayo. Nasa hallway na kami naglalakad nung bigla akong lapitan ng isang lalake. Si Brye. He's holding a paper and he seemed to be in a rush.
"May kailangan ka?"
"I'm sorry to approach you. Can I ask you a favor?"
I stared at him blankly before nodding. He handed the papers to me so I looked at it at napataas ang kilay ko. These are for school publication. I know where to give these. Tumingala ako sa kanya that's why he smiled shyly.
"Pakibigay sa kanya, please? May kailangan kasi akong gawin bukod diyan. Please, Alys?"
"Why me?"
"Ikaw ang una kong nakita dito. At saka, kilala ka naman niya. I already told him that you'll bring the papers to him. Salamat, Alys!" He tapped my shoulder before running away. Napatanga nalang ako habang hawak ang mga papel.
"Kilala mo pala yun?" Arthur interrupt so I look at him and smile at little.
"Mauna na kayo. Ihahatid ko pa 'to." I said, pertaining to the papers. Hindi pa sana papayag si Arthur pero nahila na ito ni Kim paalis.
Lumiko ako sa isang pasilyo. May iilan pa akong nakikitang mga estudyante na nakakasabay ko sa paglalakad. Nasa may bintana na ako nung office ng tumigil ako sa paglalakad. Akmang kakatok na sana ako sa pinto nung nay biglang sumingit na babae at mabilis na pumasok sa loob.
Saglit akong napakurap bago napabuntong-hininga. Medyo kinabahan ako na akala ko ay siya iyong nagbukas ng pinto. Lumapit muli ako at saka kumatok bago binuksan ang pinto.
"Pinapapabigay ni Brye..." I wasn't able to continue talking because of what I saw. The girl is hugging him while he looked stunned. Nakatayo ang babae habang siya ay nanatiling nakaupo. Labag sa loob na tumikhim ako kaya napatingin silang dalawa sa akin. He looked at me with wide eyes so I avoided his stare and start speaking.
"Brye said I should give it to you. Here." I said habang lumalakad ako papalapit sa puwesto nila saka binigay ang papel sa kanya. Umayos ng tayo ang babae saka tumalikod. Rainier swallowed a bit before accepting it.
"Thanks." He said habang pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang office, hanggang sa mapatingin ako dun sa babaeng prenteng nakaupo sa sofa. She raised her eyebrow to me but I just ignored it. I looked at Rainier with my poker face.
"Enough with your bullshits." May diin na sabi ko kaya tumayo siya pero binalewala ko iyon. Tiningnan kong muli ang babaeng kayakap niya kanina bago binalik ang tingin sa kanya.
He's one step ahead of me. Parang ayaw niya akong lapitan. I am angry and a bit hurt. Heck, I can almost feel my throat drying because of mix emotions. But I still remain calm.
"I thought you were different. Parehas ka lang pala sa ibang lalake."
He laughed a little while looking at me.
"Sino ba'ng may sabi na layuan kita? Diba ikaw din naman? Why putting the blame on me?"
"I never thought you could be this easy to just give up."
"I will never make effort to someone who can't even consider my feelings for her."
"Kaya suko ka na?"
"You're the one who said to me to give up on you."
Yumuko ako at saka natawa habang umiiling-iling na pinupusan ang aking pisngi. Oo nga naman. Ito ang gusto kong mangyari. Pero bakit mabigat sa loob ko? Bakit kailangan ko pang magdusa?
Tinititigan ko siya at marahang tumango bago magsalita.
"You're right. That maybe is the reason why I am suffering now."
Nagbago ang kanyang reaksyon dahil sa sinabi ko. I smiled at him bago lumakad paalis ng office. He tried to stop me but he didn't succeed on it. Halos patakbo na ako papunta ng restroom. Tears automatically pour out and I don't know how to stop it. My breathing became difficult and I can't find my medicine which is supposed to be in my pocket.
Dinukot ko ang aking cellphone sa bulsa at saka nagscroll ng number randomly para sana makahingi ng tulong, pero hindi ko ito halos mahawakan dahil sa panginginig ng kamay ko. Sinagot ng nasa kabilang linya ang tawag ko kaya ni loud speaker ko ito. Hindi ko alam kung sino ang natawagan ko pero wala na akong pakealam.
"Alys, matagal pa ba 'yan? Kanina pa kami naghihintay dito!"
"Kim, h-help me.." I said with my trembled voice.
"Wait—what? Alys, where are you? Ano'ng nangyari? Fuck! magsalita ka please." Her voice almost filled with concern. I heard a commotion on her line.
Sasagutin ko sana siya kaso tuluyan ko ng nabitawan ang aking cellphone kaya nahulog ito sa sahig. Na-off ito kaya napasandal nalang ako sa pader habang hapo ang aking dibdib. I keep on inhaling and exhaling to atleast return my breathing but it was no help. I cried again as I close my eyes.
"Help me please.." I said almost begging before I passed out.
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